Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Oooh... spearmint tea and Snazzy stories by the firepit? I'm on my way! I'd offer to host, but a firepit has much more appeal than a pile of smoldering leaves...

You really are a sweetheart, ya' know?

 

~~~~~~ YOU QUACK ME UP ~~~~~~~~~~

I'm not a sweetheart, I'm just a YAM!

KJ....gurlfriend get a move on......join us for Snazzy Stories. Let's give the man an real audience

 

Is that related to "I yam what I yam...", as quoteth from The Shockey One?

 

WHAT ? ?

He stole MY line ? ?

He wouldn't!

He couldn't!!

Yeah he could he's a man!!!!!

*wink* hun........hugs too

Shhhhhhhh don't tell but I think I stole it from him.

Yeah, I yam what I yam......lol



btw:will send a reply to your email later today. Right now I'm out door and running like the wind.

 

I made good time and arrived back at the abandoned mine. Sure enough the Spook House was waiting for me just in front of the mine entrance. Since I was bobtail all I had to do was back under her. Psshht ! Love that sound ! Anyway, I hopped out, connected up the glad hands, (air lines) and pigtail (electrical line). I then began my pretrip inspection as the fog moved in. Yep, a heavy cloud of fog that hung in the air and blanketed the whole mountain top. I wasn't too happy as I thumped the tires and checked things over. The sun's rays were completely blocked, but it wasn't totally dark. I could see a good 100' feet, but no more. All of the sudden I heard a strange sound as a million bats flew out of the mine entrance. Yep, it was a sight to see. I stood in awe as the bats flew directly over my head and swarmed down the mountain side. I thought it had started raining and I was right. Well kind of, it wasn't rain drops, but bat crap. Yep, I was covered in it.

My mind voices started in, " Dang old bats ! We's up here getting ole Con his Spooks trailer and they's be taking a dumps all overs us. Thats just fines, we's gets this ole Spooks house downs this heres mountain. Yalls sirs we's does its, ain't no bat's poos goings to slows us down !"

Just as my mind voices were winding down, is when I heard a familular voice, " Barney, come to me ! Barney, I need you ! Barney !"

I noticed that the side door of the Spook House was ajar, so I opened it and stuck my head inside, " Ann ! You in here ? Ann ? You who ! Ann ?"

Ann raised up out of the open coffin holding a large lit candle, " Barney come to me I want you !"

I busted out laughing, " Good prank ! You almost got me ! I'm sorry to spoil your fun. That's a neat getup and that Elvira nighty is hot ! How'd you'd get back here so fast ? I made good time ! Well, where's everyone else ? I know you Carnies wouldn't go thru all this unless you could see it for yourselves!

I pulled back the black drapes looking, " Okay, come on out fellas ! I didn't fall for it ! Good try and maybe next time ya'll can pull this off ! Yep, I bet some drivers would of peed thier pants. Not ole Barney ! Nope ! Oh, I got it! This is being taped like candid camera ! Where's it at ? Up there hidden in that skull on the wall ? "

Ann floated towards me, " I'm not Ann ! I'm her sister Sue, the Queen of Darkness and ruler of the undead ! Your mine Barney, come to me and join us!"

I pushed her back, " This is silly ! Geez ! Now Ann quit fooling around and take those plastic fangs out of your mouth ! Geez ! That pale white makeup isn't too bad, but that bloody bite on your neck looks like it was made with cheap red lipstick. We need to get rolling ! Ole Con is going to be madder that a wet hornet ! I will say that you got that walk down pat. Yep I couldn't see your legs move at all. I bet you had to practice alot for that and it looked good. So, you ready to roll ?"

Ann just stood there and stared at me, so I decided to call her bluff, " Okay, if you want to ride back here that's fine with me ! We need to head out ! So, make up your mind ! I can't wait all day and that fog isn't helping any ! So, what's it going to be ? Up front with me or back here by yourself ? I'm going to shut the door ! Make up your mind ! Shutting, shutting, last chance, I'm going to close it !"

Ann floated out and a puff of smoke covered her. Of course as soon as the smoke cleared a bat appeared in her place. Yep, that was good trick ! So, the bat landed in Maxine's sleeper and I cranked her up. Psshhtt ! Love that sound ! We headed down the mountain and sure enough ole Ann reappeared as herself. Now, I was wondering how she did that ? I figured maybe a canister filled with dry ice that provided the smoke. I was really impressed with that trained bat. Now that was something ! I didn't know you could train them. But hey, who was I ? Just a lonely driver trying to make a buck and deliver the goods.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

The trip down that mountain was slow going. Yep that ole fog was thicker than jello on a cold day. Of course Ann finally decided to join me up front and took a seat. I couldn't resist and placed my hand ontop of Ann's snow white leg. It was almost glowing from that makeup and shined bright. That Elvira nighty had a slit that exposed Ann's knee to her hip. I rubbed and moved my hand higher. Ann turned towards me in her seat and leaned back. I kept massaging in a slow rhythm as Ann began to react with moans of pleasure. Hot #### !

I noticed that Ann's leg was as cold as a corpse, " Hey Ann ! Your colder that mine digger's butt ! I'll be put some heat on."

Ann moaned, " Don't move your hand ! Oooowwwee ! Yes ! Yes ! Right there, OOoooowweeee ! Don't stop ! Faster ! Faster ! Iiiiiiiieee ! "

I was elbow deep and had to make that left turn, " Sorry Ann ! Need my hand back for one second."

Ann mounted the gear shift knob, " Yee Haw ! Oewee ! Yes ! Yes ! Oh my goodness ! Oh, oh, oh."

I grabbed Ann around her waist and shifted, " Ann ? You okay ?"

Ann slitherted back into her seat, " Oh that was good ! But, you need to quit calling me Ann ! I'm Sue, Queen of all the living dead ! Mistress of evil ! Princess of the doomed ! "

I gave it some thought, " I see ! Your getting into character for your bit tonight. That makes sense, so you'll be like a vampire or is vampirest ? Let's see, there are lady truckers, but we don't call them truckerest ? Well I guess vampire sounds right. So, is that your costume ? I'd figure since you'll be swinging from the high wire on the trapeze, maybe you'd look more bat like. You know, some bat ears and maybe rubber bat wings on you arms. Hey, I got it ! How about some kind of black cape, with some kind of webbed footies ? Yep, that'd look better, of course Elvira is nice too !"

Ann's eyes lit up red, " Get real, Barney ! I'm getting ready to suck the every living life out of you ! "

I protested, " No way ! We're headed down this mountain and I need to stay concentrated. Now, if you want to suck the lizard, you'll just have to wait untill we're parked ! Yep it's better in the sleeper anyway. Hell, I might even nibble on some beaver myself. Shoot, I need to shower off this bat mud. Hey, where is your trained bat at ? That's one smart critter !"

Ann gave up, " Look you Idiot ! I'm Sue ! I'm Master of this universe and doer of all that's unholly ! My powers are unmatched ! Your a feeble human ! You must submit to me and surrender your soul ! I command this ! Look deep into my eyes and you will see your future ! "

I laughed, " Well take them glow lights off your eyelids and those silly fangs out of your mouth. Geez ! I hope you don't give that speech tonight ! Yep, that's too corny and folks might walk out. Wait a minute ! I get it ! It's a comedy ! Sure ! You'll have then rolling in the eisles. Man, I hope we get there soon. I have to pee !"

Have to break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

The fog finally lifted and exposed a bright full moon. It had been an early sunset even for late October. I swung Maxine into the carnival, which was in full tilt. Carnies were barking thier games of chance and thier freak side shows. Mr Con came running over and instructed me to drop the Spook House next to the Ferris Wheel. I noticed that Maxine's passenger window had been rolled down and Ann was no where to be found. I guessed that she had the preshow jitters. Not as much as a see you later or wish me luck. So, I dropped the trailer as the roustabouts began setting her up. I was happy the job was over, but knew I couldn't leave without seeing Ann's high wire act. Just as I was about to go hunt for her she came running up. She had on a sexy little outfit that barely fit her shapely body. Let's see, it was a tight fitting black bra, with matching panties, black net stockings, and had short leather fringe to outline it.

I was stunned, " Your not going to wear your Elvira outfit ? I mean that's nice, but I'd at least put on some ears and that cape we talked about."

Ann hugged me, " I sure missed you. Did everything go alright ? "

I played along, " Yep everything went fine ! Don't you need to practice your act. What was it ? A tripple summer sault and catching the trapeze bar with your teeth. Are you going to have those plastic fangs on ? I'd be afraid they'd yank right out ! Yep, that be a real show stopper ! You come tumbling down in the net and those things just a swinging away. Of course if it's going to be a comedy ? Yep that'll be funny alright."

Ann gave me the look, " A comedy ? This is funny to you ? I'm not even using a net ! I'm going to risk my life and you think that's funny !"

I backed up, " Hey your the one who dressed up like Elvira and wore that costume makeup ! I told you those fangs were silly and how about those eyeball glow lights ? Yep, I guess I'm the one making this into a joke !"

Ann took my hand, " You haven't seen my sister ! Tell me you haven't ! Oh no! Not now ! How could she ! You didn't sleep with her ! Did you ! Oh no! Please tell me you didn't ! If you did you'll turn into one of them ! "

I was honest, " No I didn't sleep with her ! Well, I did get some stinky finger, but that doesn't count does it ? I know it didn't count in high school ! None of the guys bragged about stinky fingers. Well anyway, I never did. Except if it was a cheerleader, or maybe a student coucil member, or a teacher, or a who's who. You know the stuck-up and above board types. The ones that acted all goody two shoes. Yep, we'd write thier names on the bathroom wall and draw a stinky finger. You know, a finger with little lines drawn above it like odors rising. Yep, and right below that would be thier names and the date it happend. You know, one time I was reading over that bathroom wall and you'd never guess whose name I saw. Yep, that masot guy who wore the Parrot suit. I figured he was gay ! You know, all limped wrist and lisped when he talked. Yep, he even wiggled when he walked. I kind felt sorry for him. He was a nice guy and was always nice to. Now don't get me wrong ! I don't go that way and it was funny too. You know it takes one to know one ! Yep, whoever wrote that didn't write thier name down !"

Ann yawned, " I'll have to check on it, I'm not sure how that works. I think it has to be inner-course or a bite on the neck. Did she have orgasm on your finger ?"

I had to think back. " No ! She mounted Maxine's gearshift and used her shift knob."

Ann went into deep thought, " What gear did she use and how did she like it? I never would of thought of that, it sounds kinky. I might give that a try myself."

I was hurt, " Well go ahead ! Just cut me out ! Here you want her keys ? Maybe I'll just leave the two of you alone. Yep you and sister can take turns ! I'll just go be a Budhist Monk and not bother you ! "

Ann hugged me, " No Barney, if I did that, I'd want you there ! It wouldn't be kinky without you and it would be down right sick by myself."

I gave Ann a hug and kiss, as she made her way into the big tent. I then went in search of her kinky sister Sue. I needed some answers and I was going to get some or my name isn't Baney Goose ! Vampire Hunter and Trucker !

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

I first walked to the Spook House in search of Sue, nope not there, so I then went back to Maxine, and no luck. So, I sat down in Maxine and decided to do some thinking. I noticed that the lunch Ann had given me earlier was still on the dash. It was in one of those white plasic trays that flap shut. Inside was some potato salad, some sort of noodles with sauce, a roll, some garlic slices, and an apple. I topped it off with a coke from my ice chest. I rated the meal about a 4, because the sauce was bit too spicy. Just as I finished eating was when ole Sue flew in the window. Puff ! Her bat body took human form and took a seat.

I got straight to the point, " Look Sue ! I don't believe in Vampires ! Your a good Magician and I bet Mr. Con would hire you on. So, lets cut the crap and level with each other ! You've got your sister Ann all upset and that's not right. So, tell me what you want !"

Sue stuck to her fangs, " Look in that mirror ! Do you see my reflection ? Do you ? Look at me, I'm hovering in mid flight ! See ! Feel these fangs ! Do those feel fake ! Geez ! What else can I do ?"

I wasn't impressed, but gave in, " Okay for arguement sake, let's say your a Vampire ! What is it that you want ?"

Sue seemed more than happy to explain, " It's a long story, but I'll give you the short version. Our whole family are Vampires ! My dad, my mom, my brothers, my uncles, my aunts, cousins, grandpa, grandma, eveyone is and has been for a thousand years. We're from Transylvania and we're all back there now ! All except for my twin sister Ann. She's such a prude ! Anyway, untill she rejoins us, we're at risk ! You see Vampires are a real tight knit clan, we actually lose standing back home, because of Ann. Yep, she thinks she's special ! See, somehow she forgot that she's one of us. Yes Sir, it doesn't matter what she does ! She's just a Vampire like me ! So, I'm here to take her home and that's it ! "

I had to ask, " So what's stopping you ? Can't you just bite her on the neck and ya'll fly home ? I mean what's the big deal ? "

Sue gave me the look, " You humans are so ignorant ! What's the big deal, he says ! Well, here's the big deal ! If a Vampire kills a blood relative then he or she will lose all of thier powers ! That's how Sis lost her's ! She killed our cousin in a stupid accident. See we use to travel in the carnivals ! All of us did and we were good. We can do better on those high wires than any human on earth ! The best part of it was having good cover. We got to travel around and if a human came up missing or sucked dry ? Who cared, we'd be a hundred miles away ! Yep, and those hours were good too. We always ran the Spook House and worked the late shift. It was great ! That's untill ole butter-fingers sis had to drop our cousin off the high wire. Now I know it wasn't on purpose and what are the odds of a Vampire falling a hundred feet ontop of a wooden stake ? "

I still didn't buy it, " Why didn't your cousin turn into a bat and keep from falling ? Another thing is if you Vampires can't bite her or kill her, what's left ?"

Sue's eye's turned red, " Well for your information ! Our poor dead cousin was half stewed ! Yep, he'd sucked a wino dry and was as drunk as keg rat in a brewery. Poor guy never had a chance. Anyway as far as Ann dying from other causes would be great ! See since we're identical twins I can bite her neck and bring her back as a Vampire. That way I won't lose my powers since I didn't kill her. It's a win win for everyone. I'm the only hope she has unless we wait for her to die from natural causes. Man ! I got social events I'm missing. Dracula is having his ball tonight and was our clan invited? No way ! We're outcast, because my twin sister Ann wants to play human. Can't you see what I'm dealing with ? Can you !"

I could see the problem, " Yep ! That's a problem ! Well I wish you luck and sure hope ole Ann drops dead soon for you. If there's anything I can do just let me know. I need to get a hold of Con and get settled up. Been nice knowing you and have good flight home."

I thought that I'd dodge the bullet, but as soon as I started to exit Maxine those fangs came straight for my neck. I couldn't move as Sue went in for the kill. I figured that I was a goner and this was the end of Barney. So long cruel world I'll miss you !

Good Night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

LOL........

To funny Snazz. That's the best story yet! Now I'm in the mood for Halloween!