Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Now Attitude why would you think something might go wrong ? Let's find out as Life Goes On.

We're still in early 1990 and that's about when the new law went into effect approving the 53' foot trailer length. Up untill then, the longest trailer length allowed on US Interstates were 48' footers. That's all that I had pulled and you wouldn't think a mere 5' feet would make that much a difference. Wrong ! Yep, my first load was still in tow-a-way, but pulling a tripple stack of 53' foot flatbed trailers. Amelia was also much bigger than Maxine. She stood a good foot taller and was longer by a foot. If I recall correctly Maxine had a 236" inch wheel base and Amelia was about a 246". Anyway, I ended up driving a rig that was a good 6' foot longer than I was use to. I bobtailed into the new trailer yard and hooked onto the tripple trailers. By now I was an old hand at chaining down and doing my pretrip inspection. I signed out on my paperwork and bid farewell to the security guard. It was late evening and the sun was just setting. I flipped on my running lights and the right turn indicator.

I swung out as usual and heard someone scream, " STOP ! HOLD IT ! WAIT ! DON'T MOVE ! "

So, I stopped and pulled the button. Psshht ! Love that sound ! I got out and spotted my problem, the security guard had been yelling about. Yep, there was a brand new Toyota pickup parked right next to the curb at the parking lot exit. I had managed to straddle the bed of the pickup and was just inches from hitting it's cab. Fortunately for me I hadn't as much scratched her paint. Nope, you could stick your hand between the pickup bed and trailer. Another good thing was the pickup belonged to the security guard. He knew me and saw there was no damage. So, he pulled his pickup forward and I was free to go. What a deal ! That was close, too close ! I had dodged the bullet from having my first accident in a big rig. My hands still get sweaty thinking back to that near miss.

I drove all night and found myself in St Louis, Mo. the next morning. Yep, my first load delivered to the city that Lucky Limbergh had named his plane after, ' The Spirit of Saint Louis '. What a good Omen ! So, I called Blow Hard and got myself a load of medical supplies going to Atlanta. I simply dropped and unchained the tripple deck flatbeds, signed out a failrly new dry van, and beat feet to the shipper's warehouse. I was loaded in no time and on my way. I had gotten to where I could back up somewhat, but it wasn't easy. Yep, I'd have to pull up more than a couple of times and it wasn't pretty. But hey ! I got her done and that's what mattered ! Of course, now that I was a bit longer didn't help any. I flew over to Atlanta and unloaded the medical supplies. The cosignee was happy to see me earlier than expected. So a with a signed BOL, and a song on my lips, I called Blow Hard. He was impressed with my lightning speed and had a load of paper headed to the City of Industries, Ca. What a deal ! I just kept the van trailer and rushed over to the shipper. I was loaded and on my way West ! Yep, this Tarmac Transportation sure kept me rolling. I was happy and driving like a fool. Man, at this rate I'll be back ontop in no time. Ole Amelia wasn't governed like Maxine was. Yep, her pedal was the limit and I had to keep checking my mirrors. Amelia pulled so good with those 400 horses that it was like pulling thin air. Even the hills weren't a challange for her. I did notice that Amelia did like to drink a little more than Maxine. Yep, she didn't get near the fuel mileage, but hey ! We're a trucken and running strong ! Yee Haw ! Let's roll ! Out of our way ! Toot ! Toot !

Lets break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

I ran outlaw the whole 7 days I was out. Yep, I'd drive 10 hours straight, take a 5 hour nap, use an hour to fuel, shower, and eat. Then I'd drive another 8 hours straight. I was covering about 1,000 per day. I ran from Fort Worth to St Loius, St Louis to Atlanta, Atlanta to the City of Industries, the City of Industries to Chiacgo, Chicago back to Fort Worth. Yep, all in about 7 and half days. Now, the bottom line, let's see. We have $1,000 per month truck payment, a nickel per mile trailer lease, diesel had gone up a dime per gallon, and Amelia used an extra gallon per mile than Maxine. I had to purchase extra bobtail insurance, because the finance company required it, and had to purchase a head-ache rack because Amelia didn't have one. So, after it all was said and done ? Yep, I was in tall cotton, all I had to do was drive 7,000 miles per week ! What a deal !

Of course, I knew that wasn't going to happen. Hell, that's just too much. So, I took off my shoes and counted with my toes. Yep, if I could average 4,000 miles per week and not have any major expenses. Well, I could earn a good living. My goal had been to pay myself $1,000 per week after expenses. Whatever was left would go into savings. Well, scratch that ! I had to settle on a $ 700 per week paycheck. Hell, I worked 7 days a week! That came out to about $10 per hour and I'm not even getting overtime. What a deal ! But I was happy, well sort of. Really, this longhaul trucking was alot more work, than I could of ever imagined.

It just seemed that at every turn there was someone there with thier hand out. I was also shocked at fact that the first liar didn't stand a chance. Yep, this was crazy business and you had watch your back. It was pretty cut throat and getting worse. I hadn't become bitter yet, but I did realize that Bandit was right. Yep, if played by the Man's rules, you'd be a loser for sure ! I decided to stay with it and play the game by my rules. Heck it might work out ! Life was so, so !

Nighty night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Sexy Thang was happy for me having that new big truck. I had mixed feelings, because I just wasn't sure how well Tarmac was going to hold up. Amelia was a fine machine, but I knew I'd have that truck payment due each month. Another worry I had was the pending divorce. Wifey had made some demands which I tried to meet. I had started paying her $1,000 per month in child support. I didn't have to, but I couldn't let my girls live on the street. Yep, our house had been foreclosed on and Wifey had rented a house in Idiot City. It was close to the schools and my oldest girl was graduating high school. The twins were in junior high and due to thier cheerleading wanted to stay in the same school district. Wifey's candy store never got off the ground and she'd been laid off at her job. She also managed to total her LTD and I had lent her my kingcab. Yep, she wrecked that too. Now in her defense, only one of the accidents was her fault. She was stopped at a red light and got rear ended on her way to work. Of course she'd let the collision insurance expire and the lady who hit her didn't even have a license. So, farewell to the Ford, so I loaned her my kingcab. Well, Wifey thought she had a green arrow to turn and pulled right out in front of another car. This time she had our daughters with her. Well, the impact dang near cut my kingcab in half. How no one was injured is still beyond me. Anyway, I had kept the payments current and the insurance. The problem was that the insurance company wanted it to be fixed. There was noway ! The top was even folded and her frame was bent. I stood firm and refused to settle.

Now for those who have never had to deal with insurance companies. They try to starve you out and intemidate you. Huh ! I showed them. Yep, I had it towed to the dealership and refused to make payments. So, the dealer's finance company and my insurance company sued each other. I just walked away and didn't give a hoot. What we're they going to do ? Hurt my credit rating ? Geez, I just lost my home and Wifey had over 20 creditors hounding me. What did I care ? Yep, I went from a tripple A credit rating to being on the seven year blacklist. What a deal ! To be honest, if they'd paid off the pickup, for what was owed, I'd of settled for that. But, I wasn't going to have them pay a bodyshop just as much and have to pay another four years. Nope, not for a vehicle that badly damaged !

I guess the one thang that I never understood, was why Wifey had to do what she did. Yep, she blamed Sweet Thang for everything. The divorce, losing the house, being laid off, the car accidents, you name it. It was all Sweet Thang's doing ! What a deal ! Then Sweet Thang did something I never understood. She got jealous of Wifey ! The whole time we had been having an affair it wasn't a problem. Now that I was getting divorced and I was living with Sexy Thang, she felt I was going to leave her for Wifey. What a deal ! I was stuck in the middle. For two cents I'd of hopped a train out of town. Wait a minute ! I was a longhaul Trucker. Let"s go Trucking and leave these women alone !

Have to break, your Snazzy1.

 

Do I hear Willie in the background????

"On the road again,
Just can't wait to get on the road again..."

 

Yep, Ducks that was one of the times I was ready to head out. Let's see if that was a good idea, as Life Goes On.

I had parked Amelia at the Tarmac terminal, so Sweet Thang had to give me a ride. She was always sad to see me go and as always cried. It hurt me to see her upset, but a man has to do ..Oh BS, I was happy to leave ! I hooked onto a load of dog food that was a repower (the original driver had quit while under the load). It was bound for small warehouse that I'd been to before. I figured that's probably why the other driver had quit. Yep, the cosignee was a real jerk ! I needed the miles and a run to Florida was a good start. Amelia was in fine form and ready to trot. I had Willie singing away and a thermos full of hot go juice. Life was good ! I knew that warehouse was closed on weekends, so I planned to arrive Sunday night, and deliver early Monday. There was plenty of truck parking and a 24 hour snack store across the street. Amelia rode so smooth and quiet it was like floating on air. Well, I guess you were. She had airbags all over and even on her cab. What a deal ! I pulled in and spotted some other drivers cat napping. I put Amelia in sneak gear and dimmed her eyes. We tiptoed between a Pumpkin and a Skunk. Pssshhhht ! Love that sound !

I made some marks in my book and looked the joint over. Yep, this was the same place that I had remembered. It's only good point was that the docks allowed for plenty of room to back onto. That's when my memory kicked in and I had tried so hard not to think about it. I poured myself a hot one and belly uped to the steering wheel. You know, how we lean over the wheel and take shots of coffee. Kind of like Matt Dillon in the Long Branch. Let's see the whole thang had started over a misunderstanding. I was still driving for Ace and had been in Maxine. That was one of times that I had an older lease trailer being delivered that allowed me to haul freight. I'd gotten here around 2 am and that had also been on a Sunday. I was parked about where I am now. Let's see. Nope, it was over by the dumpster there. I remember now ! So, I had crawled into to the bunk and caught some shut eye. It was still dark, maybe 5 am ? It could of been 6 am. Let's say 5:30, okay ? Anyhow that young black guy woke me up banging on the sleeper. Hell, I was still half asleep and did good to just to get up. So, he tells me to back onto door # 3 and bring in my paperwork. So, I threw on some clothes and opened the trailer doors. I remember, I had to pee so bad, I could taste it. So, I walked cross legged back to Maxine and backed her up. Okay ! So, I had to back her 17 times. But, I got her done !

Then I took that paperwork inside. Let's see, that Pillsbury Doughboy was sitting behind that plastic window. Yep, he didn't even look up at me. He was reading the sports page and dunken a doughnut. I slid the paperwork thru the little slot and headed for the mens room. I wasn't in there 2 minutes when he came barging in. What a jerk ! Yep, he was all lathered up over nothing ! I tried to explain to him, that I assumed the black guy worked there. Hell, how was I to know that he was just another driver ! That's when I should of decked him. That Big mouthed, Pillsbury looking, four eyed, fat slob, sorry excuse of a pig headed, no brained, punk ! I still can't believe that I stood there and took his crap. Man, I just wasn't expecting it. All over nothing ! Hell, any driver would of done exactly what I had. A man tells you back on the dock. You back on the dock ! Oh no ! Ole crap head has to make a big deal out of it. Yep, I had to pull off his dock and then wait for that jerk to unload me. Man, he kept me here untill almost 5 pm and made me wait an hour to sign my paperwork. What a jerk !

Well I did set that black kid straight ! Remember ? I told him not to ever pull that again. Of course, I saw his point. He was just trying to help. Poor kid has to come here all the time and put up with ole Crab Guts. Man, you can have that ! Yep, I'd kill that Idiot ! What a piece of work. Now wait a minute ! You ain't going to do nothing ! Expect lose sleep over this silly stuff ! Yep, I think your scared of him ! Your all talk ! A man insults you and treats like dirt ! Yep, you just stand there and take it. What a sissy ! Won't even take up for yourself ! Hold it right there ! If that Pilsbury Doughboy as much as looks at me wrong, I'll knock him into next week ! I'm ready for him this time ! I'm not kidding, I'll wipe the floor with him !

Finally my mind voices agreed to let me crawl into Amelia's womb. It was a chilly night and had started to drizzle. The rain drops splattered sounds of days past. Yep, what I should of done was made him eat that BOL or stuck it up his ... Come on guys ! Let's get some sleep ! Did I lock that door ? Better check. Why ? You afraid ? Maybe ole Pillsbury will come get us ? I think your scared of him. Well I'm not ! I'm just checking the door to be sure. You never can be too safe ! I think your afraid. You better shut up ! I've had enough of both of you ! Now get some sleep !

My CB woke me up and checked the time. Yep, a quarter till 6 am and I need to pee. So, I'll just kill two birds. Yep, let's see. I got my paperwork and that's that. I wonder if ole PDB is in there ? Who ? Pillsbury Doughboy ! Well that'd be just P.D. then. Man, your such a grump in the morning ! Here we go, thru here, over there, just stand here, look polite, but be business like. Hey ! Let's go pee first ! Good idea ! Over there, turn here, thru there, and here we are. What about the paperwork ? I can stick it here ! No ! It'll fall and get wet. Here, I'll hold it in my mouth. Great here we are peeing and your sticking that in our mouth. Well, what did you want to do with it ? Let it fall in there and get flushed ?

The Pillsbury Doughboy walked up and stood in front of the next urnal, " How's it going driver ? "

I took my free hand and removed the BOL, " Just fine and you ? "

Pillsbury shoved his glasses up with his free hand, " What you got for me today?"

I handed him the BOl and zipped up, " It's dog food and all on pallets ! "

Pillsbury stuck the BOL in his mouth and zipped up, " Back on door #2 and we'll get you unloaded. "

I did just that and 30 minutes later drove away with a signed BOL, that I kept out of my mouth. What a deal !

Nighty night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Been one of the lurkers, Just wanted you to know I'm enjoying your stories too. Haven't quite caught up to where you are now, but someday I might. And if I get to school before that, well then I'll never catch up. Shoot, it makes me want to cry.

 

Snazzzter you need to change your name to Da Vinci. Hell you are painting some real master pieces in your mind. Done the same thing a million times. The ones you get all worked up and ready for never materialize. And one word of wisdom-LISTERINE!

 

I dunno if this is a good thing or not, but I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who has inner dialogs with the voices in my head. This dang ol' steering wheel of mine has come so close to gettin' thrown outta the truck so dang many times. I tell ya what, if'n that thing so much as thinks about arguing with me on my way back to the yard from Erie, PA, I'm gonna toss it. No you won't driver. Shut up stupid. You got shut up stupid, go ahead. What a retard! It's all that Snazzy fool's fault. If he'd just keep his stories to himself. Well, what do you expect, this is basically a virtual truck stop diner. Now you're just trying to steal his thunder and rob this thread. There's no way you could rob this thread you idiot, you ain't that cool. Oh just shut up and hit "Submit Reply" would ya...

 

First a big Snazzy welcome to mechwyphx2b our newest Snazzete. Yep, Big Duker this old world would be a dull place without those mind voices. Let's see what they have to say, as Life Goes On.

I ended up delivering that dry van in Jacksonville, Fla. and leased out a flatbed. The flatbed got loaded with some heavy equipment parts headed to Lubbock, Tx. What a deal ! So, I put Amelia on full spin and beat feet. The heavy equipment parts delivered at a steel yard and they had a load of steel. So, they used a crane to unloaded me and then loaded the steel. Great ! The steel was destined for Ranchero Cucamonga, a California run with good miles. I didn't even slow down on the way. Yep, I colud have taken a day off at the home base, but why ? Just as I entered the Banning Scales the Red Light lit up. Geez ! The speaker had me pull in and bring in my paperwork. I was concerned, because of my past experiences. So, every so carefully, I set out my Crab and Itching Powder trap. Yep, I put out a few on the passenger side dash. It looked like they were in a Crab huddle between plays. I put a few more down ontop of my mattress for extra coverage. I had a seat cover that fit over the pasenger seat, that I kept in a plastic garage bag. Yep, all I had to do was put on my rubber gloves and slip on the cover. What a deal !

I walked in the super coupe, " Hows it going ? Here's my logbook, driver's license, insurance, registration, BOL, fuel tax card, and all the rest. "

The Bear was a jerk, " I don't see your temporary transport permit for that leased trailer ? You got one ? "

I tried to explain, " What's a temporary leased trailer permit ? I've never heard of that ! I know what a pikost is, but you got me on this ! "

The Bear had a senister grin, " Just what I thought ! Your in violation of California penal code section 92, point 112, and article 9 of the U.N. treaty. I'm issuing a citation for said violation ! The fine is $119 or a $200 bond, now sign here and pay up ! "

I wasn't happy, " Here's your $119 bucks ! Man ! You guys are something else ! I didn't know about any leased trailer permit ! Hell, I run all 48 and I've never heard of such a thang ! Funny that all the other states have never asked me for one. Oh well ! Guess you fellas need the money more than I do."

The Bear gave me his lecture, " Your required to purchase that temporary permit before entering California ! They sale them at truckstops at every bordering state ! Hell, they're only $ 20.00 and you could of saved yourself a hundred bucks ! "

I was ticked, " Well now I know ! This is still a rippoff ! That trailer is legal in every state, I guess except here ! What a racket !"

The Bear did what I expected, " Now Driver ! Pull your rig into that bay and I'll do a class A inspection ! "

So, I pulled in the bay and pulled the button. Psshhht ! Love that sound! The Bear could hardly wait for me to climb down. He climbed up her drivers side steps and plopped down behind the wheel.

The Bear rubbed his hand across the passenger seat cover, " You don't have any illgal logbooks, drugs, weapons, or contriband ? Might as well tell me if you do ! I'll find it and you can bet on that ! "

I had to keep from laughing, " No Sir ! I'm as legal as Nun on Christmas Day ! Yep, ole 'Law Abiding Barney' is what they call me ! You won't find a thing in there !"

The Bear began to scratch, " Well you don't mind me taking a look, do you ? "

I insisted, " Knock yourself out ! Look all you want ! Glad to help out any Officer of the law. We sure need dedicated men and women to hold the blue line ! Yes Sir ! Don't know what we'd do without ya'll writing up those nitpicking silly laws !"

The Bear turned angrey and scratched some more, " Your the one who broke the law ! I just enforce them ! If you don't like it, then get the law changed!"

I scratched my privates," Your right Officer ! I'll get right to it ! Let's see, maybe I should drive straight to the state capital. Yes Sir ! I'll sashay in there and get that law changed or my name isn't Barn...."

The Bear leaped out and was pale as paper, " Here's your license back ! Just get out of here ! Now ! "

I acted hurt, " Why did you throw my license down ? What's wrong ? "

The Bear was doing the jitterbug, " Just Leave ! Get out of here and I mean now ! Right Now ! "

I picked up my license and drove away. I'll never forget the look on that Bear's face. Yep, old Bandit sure knew his stuff ! Life was good !

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

I did it! I did it! Finally caught up, for now. Aechstube (x 2 be) and I really love them. I started her reading them to cheer her up, the other dragons won't play with her. (Don't have the heart to tell her those aren't dragons, there're semi trucks)