Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Snazz, I'm going to have to go back and read your latest post in a few more minutes. I've got Boston goin' in the background and I just gotta close my eyes and listen...

"Don't look back,
A new day is breakin'.
It's been too long since I felt this way.
I dont mind where I get taken.
The road is callin'.
Today is the day."

 

The voices will get you everytime. They will drive you over the edge, both ways.
What will he do? I'd be paranoid. Did I spell that right?

 

I ended up on the road for over a month and running good. I had called Sweet Thang and given her an update. She was hurt over my going with Wifey to California. I tried to explain how it had come about, but Sweet Thang wouldn't listen to me. So, we decided to end our 3 year relationship and still be friends. Sure ! Like we had ever been friends. We had just used each other and we both knew it. I never really loved Sexy Thang and I'm not sure how she felt about me. Oh, I'm sure she cared about me and wanted us to be together. I'm sure if it hadn't been for her crazy father and my Wifey we'd lasted alot longer. Maybe, even had kids together and who knows ? Nope ! I'd decided after my twins were born that I never wanted to father any more children. It's just too hard to raise and care for them. My Wifey had what it takes and had done a fine job. Yep, my girls were so sweet and well behaved. But, Sweet Thang had a daughter that her mother was raising and I honestly don't think Sexy had good mothering skills.

Anyway, I ended up delivering to my first grocery warehouse. It was in some town where everything was named after Johnny Cash. It was a miserable rainy night and I was turned away at the gate for arriving too early. Yep, it was one of those deals where you couldn't pull in untill 15 minutes before your appointed time. So, I drove around and found a spot to park and wait. Waiting is a slow killer and I hate it. Oh, if there is a good reason, or I'm early it doesn't bother me. It's just to have to wait, for the sake of waiting that rubs me wrong. Anyway, the clock stood still as I balanced my check book, caught up on my paperwork, vacumed Amelia, cleaned her inside windows, played with myself, read war and peace (twice), twiddle my thumbs, and died of boredom. The clock hands finally pointed to close enough, as I slipped Amelia in gear and made my way. Of Course, as soon as rounded the corner there were 50 trucks all waiting to pull in. So, I sat in line and waited some more. Geez ! I guess every truck had been given the same 5 am curtain call. What a deal !

The line snaked it's way for two city blocks and it took me a good hour to pull in. Yep ! The guard now claimed that I was late. So, I was handed a number and sent to truck detention. It's like study hall for bad trucks. We use to call it seventh period in high school. Yep, I'd been a bad boy and now I was being punished. The other delinquents were shooting spitballs over the C.B., as I just sat and sulked. Woes with me ! The sun rose and the clouds melted away. I was still stuck in truck prison doing hard time when my number was called on the C.B., I was orderd to back onto dock 87 and wait for instructions. So, I studied the little map they'd handed me and found dock 87. I got out and opened the trailer doors and backed onto dock #87. I sat and waited for another 45 minutes before a little Cushman 3 wheeler pulled up. It had security police painted on it's side. A young fat porkly guy waddled over. He was dressed in a musturd stained uniform and wearing a drill Sgt's hat. I was impressed.

Porkly Pig read from his clipboard, " Driver ! I need your paperwork and you need to follow me ! "

I handed it over, " This is all I have Officer. That's a cute little buggy you drive. I wonder if they still make those thangs ? "

Porkly Pig wasn't friendly and snatched my paperwork, like frog snatches a fly. I followed the waddling Pig inside the massive warehouse. He escorted me to the shipping counter, where four eyes fingered said paperwork.

Four Eyes never looked up, " You'll need a lumper and why were you late ?"

I grinned, " I was five hours early ! Your Guard sent me away, but didn't tell me there were 500 other trucks scheduled for 5 am ! "

Four Eyes pointed towards the slave pits, " That Guard will escort you back and when your empity bring me your count sheet. "

I followed Porky Waddler back to the dungeon. There were at least a 1,000 slaves manning the oars. What a deal ! So, an older toothless fella walked up and gave his account.

Toothless spoke Jive, " Jes here, yis gots aperowls on tha oars, wes gets atesity ive far at. If yous elps Ise dos its far ifty ive ! "

An Interpreter interperted, " He's says that you have papertowels on the floor. He says that normally he charges eightyfive dollars, but if you help, he'll do it for fifty five."

I agreed and we started in. Old Toothless played pallet stacker, as I shoved the large papertowel boxs out of the trailer. We kind of got a grove going and a rhythem. Yep, we were trying to out do the other. I was pushing boxs like a Yugo auto show and he was stacking, like a cook at the Pancake House. Yep, Life Stunk ! I had to pee-pee, so we took a short break as I did my Michael Jackson impression. I had a grip on myself and halfway ran the two point, five miles to the nearest mens room. Of course I farted twice and shook it three times, before I returned to the rat killing. Yes ! I did wash my hands ! To my surprise the Porkly Pig was waiting for me. This didn't look good. I wondered what was wrong ?

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Sweet!

Since it's a virtual Truck Stop can we have a vitual bar too? I'm think a nice fire place with a roaring fire, a little whisky, a little beer, some kick ### music, a pool table or two, some big overstuffed chairs and free chicken wings everynight...lol!

We'll call it 'Shanny's Spot 4 Snazzy Stories' !

Has kinda a nice ring to it huh?

Heck maybe we can get Snazz to come down in virtual person and tell us some stories. My favorite was about the spooky vampires.

Poor Snazz after being bent over that pool table it sure had better been a long slow kiss with a little slap and tickle thrown in just for old time sake.

Assume the position Snazz, side pocket, get the chalk, I think you're gonna need it.


Dang I had some catching up to do. All I can say is 'Rack 'Em Snazz'........love the stories but am NOT like the wifey at all!

Nope, nada, not on darn bit, 'Wifey' slipperier than a oiled snake on a hot Georgia Night.

 

OOOh! I do hope he gets something good happening soon, how much more can a guy take?

 

I see Shandera made it back and she's right, I should have a bar. Maybe I do, as Life Goes On.

Porkly Pig was all business, " Driver you need to hand over your keys ! "

I was curious, " What for ! "

Porkly tapped his clipboard, " It says it right here ! All Drivers must turn in thier tractor keys, once they have bumped the dock ! "

I was confused, " No one told me that, but were almost through. Can't I just finish unloading and .."

Porkly Pig interruped me, " NO YOU CAN"T ! Now hand me your keys ! "

I grinned, " Make me Fatso ! "

Porkly Pig started snorting, " We can do this the easy way, or the hard way, it doesn't matter to me ! "

I did my Charles Heston, " From my cold dead hand ! "

Porkly Pig began to paw the dirt, " I'll arrest you for trespassing and failure to obey a lawful order ! "

I dared him, " Well go ahead and try ! I'll kick your fat butt from here to the court house ! I'll end up owning this joint ! "

Porkly Pig threatend me, " I'll call for the Safety Officer of the plant ! She'll have you barred from here ! "

I called his bluff, " Call em ! "

A few minutes later an older woman came riding up on a forklift. She was wearing safety glasses and a blue blazer. It had ' Safety Officer ' printed on the back, " What's the problem here ? "

Porkly Pig lied, " This Driver is refusing to hand over his keys and thinks you can't ban him from here ! "

I corrected him, " I never said she can't ban me ! I said your not getting my keys and your not ! "

The Security Princess looked down from her chariot, " Driver ! You will hand your keys over, or I'll have that Officer escort you off the property ! "

I stood firm, " Well ! Sign my paperwork and I'll get out of here ! "

The Security Princess spat, " Okay Officer ! Escort him off the property ! If he resist call the Police ! "

Porkly Pig tried to take me by my arm, " Let's Go ! "

I spun around and punched him, " Let's get it on ! "

Porkly Pig stood there holding his snoot, " You hit me ? I'm bleeding ! Why did you hit me ? "

I was shocked, " You grabbed me, so I defended myself ! Now, keep you hoofs to yourself, or I'll clobber you again ! "

The Princess whipped her her charity, " I'm calling the Police ! "

I screamed at her, " Go Ahead ! Call the Cops ! See if I care ! Just tell them that ya'll have kidnapped me and holding me against my will ! "

Porkly Pig limped away holding his bloody snoot, " I think you broke my nose!"

I shook my head, " What did you think I'd do ? Kiss your butt ! Just keep your hands off me ! I'm sorry that I hit you. You better go get that looked at. Maybe, put some ice on it, or use pressure. Geez ! "

Porkly Pig waddled off and I did feel bad, for hitting him. I'm not a violent, or physical type guy. I've always hated bullies ! It's just that I will defend myself ! I didn't hit him in anger, it more or less was just a reaction. But who knows, maybe I have a mean streak, and I'm a rebel without a cause.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Now that was just funny!!!!

Snazz I've been here all along. I never left.

 

Whhooooo we have a bar now with a round fireplace? Got to have some steaming hot chocolate with kaluha. Nothing better than that fireside stories and hot drinks.

 

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Oh, no! Snazzy's missing! I'm gonna cry any moment now... <sniff, sniff>​

 

Maybe they put Snazz in the Pigpen. Or under the jail. Come home Little Snazzy.