Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

I am glad that you and Amelia are back together again, Snazz, despite the circumstances. You are where you belong -- at least for the night.

Sleep well...

 

Yep Ducks, that was the best nights sleep I'd had in a long time. The nut house is coming up so stay tuned Snazzers, as Life Goes On.

I got a local driver from the truck stop to drop me off at Road Kill. I drove my old Chevy back to the Amelia and unpacked my belongings in her. I decided to try and find a local job. You know, so that I could make Amelia's $1,000 per month payment, my $1,000 per month child support, and have enough money to live on. Hmm, let's see, nope, nope, nope, and nope. Yep, finding a job wasn't going to be easy. The only experience I had was being a cop, driving a big rig, and being a gangster. Well, being a cop or a security guard was out, because of my pending criminal charges. I couldn't drive Amelia or even lease her out, without Wifey being my partner and I wasn't willing to do that. So, there weren't any gangster jobs listed in the want adds. Anyway, I wasn't going to do that again. So, I tried to come up with a plan. Let's see, if I could beat the DWI cases and survive the 90 day license suspension. Well, maybe I could work things out. So, I called my court appointed attorney Speedy Gonzales. He instructed for me to meet him in hallway entrance of Judge Jar Head's courtroom. I drove downtown early and slipped a few quarters into the parking meter. I took a seat on the wooden bench and waited. Speedy Gonzales came running up. Yep, he was in his jogging outfit, wearing running shoes, and carrying a black leather briefcase. What a deal ! Speedy was a young guy, about 30 years old, short, stocky, and had jet black hair, that matched his black eyes.

Speedy opened his briefcase. " Your Barney Goose ? I'm glad to meet you and I've been appointed as your attorney of record by Judge Jar Head. Now, I'm appointed to defend you on these two misdemeanor DWi's. I won't being defending you on that felony auto theft charge. "

I shook Speedy's hand, " I hope that you can help me. I had hired attorney Shark, but he was a joke ! That guy has had that one case hanging over me for almost a year and a half. "

Speedy smiled, " Now that's good ! The more time that passes benefits you. Witnesses forget, evidence gets misplaced, and dockets get overloaded. So, the biggest problem I see here is that cop's daughter. Are ya'll still seeing each other ? "

I hung my head, " She died in an auto accident, along with her dad. "

Speedy jumped for joy, " That's great ! You mean that he's not going to testify. Man, your lucky ! That was the worse part about this case. I'll file a motion to have his name struck from the proceedings and her too. I can't cross examine them if their dead. "

I gave Speedy the look, " Sweet Thang meant a lot to me and her dad was just trying to protect her. They sure didn't deserve to die that way. I kind of feel responsible. "

Speedy backed up, " I didn't mean it that way. I'm sure they were fine folks and I'm sorry for your loss. Now, Judge Jar Head has this set for trial next week. You'll need to meet me in my office tomorrow. We'll go over your testimony and summon any witnesses that might help your case. I'll file my motions and we'll be prepared. Now, I did speak with the prosecutor. He's offered you a fair deal. Let's see, a 5 year probated sentence, $4,000 fine, plus court cost. "

I stood up, " That's the same offer that I already turned down ! Now ! Listen to me ! I'm not pleading guilty to anything ! Either I'm convicted, or I'm set free. This is screwing up my whole life. It's helped end my marriage, dang near got my neck broken, has kept me from driving my truck, and I've had enough ! "

Speeding Gonzales understood, as we shook hands and parted. I agreed to meet him the following day to plan my defense. While I was standing in front of the elevator, Parole Officer Hitler spotted me.

PO Hitler screamed, " Hold it right there Mister Goose ! "

I froze, " Oh ! Hi, Miss Hitler. I was just here meeting with my attorney. What's up ? "

Hitler handcuffed me, " Your in violation of your probation ! I'm taking you in custody and you will answer to Judge Half Witt ! Please resist ! I'd love to break your arm ! "

I didn't resist, because I was in shock. What the hell ? I hadn't done anything. I mean, what did I do ? But hey, who was I ? Just a guy who didn't have a clue of what I was in store for. As Life Goes On.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

PO Hitler whisked me straight before Judge Half Witt. What a deal ! Yep, I was still in the dark and didn't know what was up.

PO Hitler was all sweetness, " Oh my ! Judge Half Witt your looking so well. Have you lost weight ? Your hair sure looks nice. "

Half Witt gaveled, " Oh, the court is so pleased to see you. Now, Miss Hitler what can I do for you today ? "

PO Hitler pointed at me, " This ! Mr Barney Goose is trying to take advantage of our pretrial release program. He went to his exwife's place of business and made threats. He then stole her only means of support, by driving away in her International truck. It's one of those semis that tows trailers. Anyway, his license are under suspension for refusing a breath test and he has two DWI's pending. That's ontop of his felony auto theft that is pending in your court ! I request that his bond be revoked and he be placed in custody pending trial. "

I'd heard enough, " Judge ! This is total bull crap ! I haven't threatened any one. I only removed MY truck from that location, because the contract had been terminated. Now, that's because my ex-Wifey had pulled a good one. She managed to....."

Judge Half Witt gaveled, " That's enough ! Now, Miss Hitler you know how crowded my docket is and that's on top of the over crowed jail. Is there any other way to handle this ? "

Hitler gave me the look, " If he'll agree to be evaluated. You see, Judge Half Witt this is a special case. Barney was one of our finest ! I've spoken to his ex-wife and the Chief of Idiot City. Poor Barney, it seems, or is highly likely, has a substance abuse problem. You see, he was an undercover officer at one time. Anyway, his behaver is that of a poor soul who is under the grip of illegal narcotics. If he'll agree to substance abuse evaluation and follow their recommendation for treatment. "

I blew a fuse, " Are you nuts ! I #### near got killed arresting dope dealers and dope heads ! I've never, ever, ever, used drugs in my life ! I know for a fact that Chief ET never said that ! He'd be opening himself up and the city to a lawsuit ! Just imagine ! He'd claim that I'm an addict and admit that he had me working narcotics ? I hope you have some prof ! I've got a mind to sue all of you ! Your all nuts ! Everyone of you ! That ex-Wifey of mine will say anything ! You better watch out ! I'm about to...."

Judge Witt waved to the bailiff, " Take Mr Goose in custody ! I see your point Miss Hitler. Mr Goose is in need of anger management counseling, as well. Now, Mr Goose this is your only choice. The court is raising your bond to $50,000. I also find that you have violated the terms of your pretrial release. You will either voluntarily sign yourself into an evaluation center, or you will be incarcerated until trial. Let me warn you that the earliest trial date is some six months away ! What do you want to do ? "

I thought about it, " Ok ! I'll go to through your silly evaluation ! One thang though ! I can't afford to make a $ 50,000 bail. I just posted a $10,000 bond and I'm broke ! "

Hitler waved the cash over her head, " Broke my foot ! He had over $4,500 cash in his pocket when I arrested him ! "

I lied, " That's some money that I borrowed. I'll have to pay that back and I'm $ 2,000 dollars behind in my child support. I also planned to hire me an attorney. "

Judge Half Witt grinned, " Well, I sure wish that we all had friends like that. So, the court will see that your child support is paid up. The remainder will go towards an attorney of your choice, to defend you. Now ! Do you want to go in for evaluation, or go to jail ? "

I didn't have a choice. You know ! What else could I do ? So, I figured to just play their silly game and be evaluated. What was the big deal ! Some shrink would ask me a few questions and see that I was alright. What could go wrong ? I wasn't a drug addict, or a hothead. Oh sure, I knew that with two DWI's and a ... Well, you know what I mean. So, I was off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of OZ, as Life Goes On.

Nightie, night Snazzers, your crazy Snazzy1.

 

Lie down on the couch and tell me about how your mother and father abused you as a child.:smt120

 

I read for about 14 hours last night catching up with the snazzy saga and I have been checking all day today and NOTHING!! This is why I never liked buying those books that came in installments..lol The suspense just kills me! Love your writing snazzy!!

 

Yep Big Duker, those mental health folks are mentally ill, as Life Goes On.

PO Hitler walked me back to her office and locked me in her holding cell. She then made a phone call for my transportation. A skinny looking crack head showed up and escorted me to a caged van. Yep, I was still handcuffed and headed to the funny farm. What a deal ! So, the name of the Nut House was Psycho Institute of America. I was handed over to a pale faced, overweight, older man, who was dressed in a three piece suit. He took me into his office and locked the door.

Pale Face removed my handcuffs, " There Mr Goose, now have a seat. I have your file here from PO Hitler. Let me see, two DWI's and a felony auto theft pending. Use to be a cop, divorced, age 40, three children, anger issues, drug addicted, alcoholic, feet stink, okay ! Well, you'll fit in quite well here. So, do you have any questions ? "

Man did I, " Hey ! I'm just here for evaluation ! How long is this going to take ? Is this a private hospital and are you a state employee ? I don't understand ! I mean, what the hell is going on ? "

Pale Face filled me in, " No ! I'm the assistant hospital director in charge of admissions. Psycho Institute of America is the largest privately owned mental health care system in the U.S. We are in every major city and work closely with all the state and federal agencies. Now ! You understand that your here voluntarily. That Judge Half Witt just recommended that you come in for your evaluation. This is not a court ordered commitment and your free to leave at anytime. "

I perked up, " Yeah ! I know that, so how long is this going to take ? "

Pale Face dropped the bomb, " You'll be admitted for a three day evaluation. Our staff of trained mental health professionals will recommend any treatment that may assist you. The court will be advised of our findings and will make any final determinations. "

I protested, " Wait a minute ! You just said that this is voluntary. How can the court decide what happens to me ? "

Pale Face slid the paperwork across his desk, " The sooner you sign this the quicker we can get started. It's a voluntary commitment order that gives the hospital the right to be your guardian. We'll decide from there if any treatment is necessary. Now, Barney you understand that we're here to help you. Chances are that you'll be released back to the court. I'm sure that Judge Half Witt has your best interest in mind. She's a fine woman and we've worked closely with her for years. She'll probably reinstate your bond and release you from custody. "

I had to ask, " What happens if ya'll decide that I'm nuts ? I mean, this is crazy ! There's nothing wrong with me ! I'm just fine ! I don't use drugs and never have. I've worked all of my life and a good part of that as a cop. Now, sure I've made a few mistakes. Haven't we all ? But, hey ! We'll you see what I'm saying ! "

Pale Face handed me the pen, " Just sign here Barney. We're not trying to commit anyone ! You'll probably be home in a few days laughing about this. As long as your not a danger to yourself, or others, and aren't hiding a substance abuse problem. "

I signed on the dotted line, " Okay ! Put a me in a straight jacket and place me in a padded cell. "

Pale Face leaped from his desk and unlocked the door. Yep, he did a jig like a native American on the warpath. He let out a few welps and hollers, as he danced down the hallway. What a deal ! I just sat there, but looking back, that's when I should of ran for my life, as Life Goes On.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

A big Snazzy welcome to Shine 1967. Man ! Fourteen hours to read this crap. Hmmm ! What do ya'll think Snazzers ? Yep, and they thought I was nuts, as Life Goes On. Oh, 100 Snazzy points for your kind words Shine 67.

The nut house was a huge hospital that was a good 2 city blocks long and stood at least ten stories high. It was really a nice facility. You know, it's looks were impressive. It had been recently remodeled and had all new furnishings. Yep, it sure beat the county jail in that respect. Anyway, one of the male attendants escorted me to the examination room. He had me strip and did a body cavity search. Yep ! Talk about a guy with 20 inch fingers and enjoyed his job. What a pervert ! Anyway, I was given one of those paper thin gowns to wear. You know, the ones that don't have a backside. They just let your cheek butts flap in the breeze and won't stay tied. My first visitor was a female nurse, she had the ole telescope, or whatever you call it. That thang that hangs around their neck and has that ice cold part. You know, it's so cold that it sticks to your chest. Yep, that one. Anyway, I guess my heart was beating and so she decided to put the ole arm cuff on me. Yep, the ole blood pressure thangy and my oil pressure was just fine. So, she stuck the glass thermostat up my. No ! She didn't ! It was placed in my mouth and that's when she asked me twenty questions. I gave the standard answers, Ugh, ugh, eeh, hep, ... So, she jotted down some stuff on her clipboard and left me there alone.

I hate those small exam rooms. You know ! They're just like a closet with a bunch of doo-hickies and a metal sink. I was sitting on that metal table that had the thin plastic mattress on top. You know, the one that is always centered in the middle of the closet. It had that white butcher paper rolled out across it. Now, I always wondered about that. I guess it was suppose to be some sort of protection against germs. I was always afraid that I'd leave skid marks. You know ! You get up to leave and there's big ole brown tracks, like someone has been playing tick tack toe. Man ! That'd be a heck of a deal. So, after waiting six days. Well, at least an hour, the Chief Nut Cracker entered. She was middle aged, was wearing the white smock uniform, and had on enough lipstick to paint the town red.

She read over my chart, " How are you today, Mr Goose ? I'm Dr Nut Cracker and I'll be your admitting physician. I see that your blood pressure is good and we'll get a blood draw here in a minute. Now, do you have any pains, or any injuries ? You know ! Anything that I should be aware of ?"

I tried to keep from scooting too much, " Well ! I had a neck injury, but that's pretty well healed up. No ! I guess I'm in pretty good shape. "

Dr Nut Cracker probed me as she continued, " Follow my finger, good, good. Now, cross your legs, this won't hurt, it's a rubber hammer. Good reflexes and I need you to take a deep breath. Good ! Your ears and throat look fine. So, everything looks good. Now, let me ask you a few questions. "

I tugged on my gown to keep the boys from showing, " Sure ! Ask away !"

Nut Cracker, " Well, it says here that you don't use any controlled substances. That's good. But ! You drink an average of eight beers per night ? Is that correct ? "

I was honest, " More or less. You know ! I owned a bar and would sip a few with my customers. Now ! I don't have to drink ! Matter of fact, I was just released from the county jail. I was in there for over 100 days and didn't drink a drop ! "

Nut Cracker had to ask, " So ! How soon did you drink after your release ?"

I had to think, " Let me see ! I'm not sure ! I guess it was that night. "

Doc Cracker scribbled on my chart, " I see ! So, you don't think that you have a drinking problem ? How do you explain being arrested twice for DWI and that your exwife feels that you do ? "

I leaped off the table and the paper followed me, " That stupid ex of mine ! She has an ax to grind ! Geez ! How about me asking your ex something like that ! I bet half the divorced couples in America think their ex's are drunks. That doesn't mean a thing ! Those DWI's were stupid ! I knew better, but hey ! I grew up in a time, that if you didn't have a date, and a six pack, then your hotrod was just spinning it's wheels. All the guys I knew drank and drove. We weren't drunks ! We worked hard and partied harder. I'm a dinosaur living in an age that has changed. I just never did ! "

Dr Nut Cracker looked frightened, " Now settle down ! Take your seat ! Mr Goose does talking about your drinking upset you ? "

I pulled the paper out of a-hole, " No ! It's just that I get a couple of DWIs and all of the sudden I'm public enemy number one. I've never even had an accident when I drove under the influence. Now ! Ole Wifey can't even drive sober ! She totaled both of our vehicles driving sober as a judge. Yeah, I guess, I do get pretty pissed off ! Man ! "

Dr Nut Cracker wrote like the wind, " Do feel angry enough to hurt somebody, or yourself ? "

I laughed, " Hurt somebody ? Hell no ! Especially myself ! Geez ! I guess your not getting my point. I'm a lot more frustrated, than I am ticked off. You know ! I just can't believe that I'm in this situation. I've always tried to do for myself. Now, I can't even get a job, I'm facing a possible jail sentence, and I'm in a nut house pulling paper out of my crack ! "

Well, I guess the interview could of gone a little better You know ! Yep, ole Barney Goose isn't a drunk hothead ! He's ok ! You just have to get to know him, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Oh, Snazzy... you DO have a way with words! I can see that this is going to be an interesting visit with those who harvest the pecans, walnuts, filberts, and cashews...

 

Snazzy, I have read hundreds and hundreds of books. Some were just horrible. Some were ok. Some were pretty darn good. But every once in a blue moon you come across some that are so good that when you get done with them you are glad that you got lucky and ran across that one yet at the same time you are kinda resentful cause it had to end. The Snazzy saga is on of those last kind. Keep on writin so I don't have to resent you any..lol

 

They're coming to take me away HaHA H0HO HEHE. To the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time. And I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats. They're coming to take me away.
Sorry Snazzy.Can't get that song out of my head. Should have had family "make arrangements" with Wifey.:smt068