Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

My big day came and I was taken out of my padded cell. Yep ! Now, get this ! They handed me a bus ticket and $30.00 to get myself to Big Springs, Texas. What a deal ! No straight jacket, no escort, and just on my word, that I'd show up there. So, I sashayed over to the bus depot and boarded the dog. Yep, the V.A. wouldn't allow their veterans to be treated like prisoners. When I arrived, there was a van that drove me to the huge VA hospital. It was just down the street from a Federal Prison and a State Jail facility. I was admitted and taken up to the third floor. Now guess what ? Yep ! There seems to have been a bit of a mix up. They were expecting a wounded solider from the 'line in the sand conflict'. Yep, and all they got was me ! So, I was quickly taken to the mental ward and bum rushed in. Yep ! They had some real crazies locked up in there. Most of them had been there since the Vietnam era. What a deal ! One of the nuts shuffled over and peed on my bed. Nope ! I didn't lay a hand on him. Hell, I'd learned my lesson. Anyway, I was in there with at least 30 men that were so full of thorazine that they glowed in the dark.

Anyway, one of the Nuts was about 6' 7", 60ish, thin, and pale as a ghost. You see, they didn't allow these guys out of the mental ward. They were just warehoused and kept medicated. I did feel sorry for them ! But Hey ! I didn't belong in there. Well, finally a nurse came in and I argued my case.

I tried to sound sane, " Excuse me Nurse ! I'm suppose to be here for substance abuse and anger management. These men here are.. Well, you know ! Can you check ? "

The Nurse threw a fit, " What's wrong with these men ? They have as much right to treatment as you do ! They defended this country ! "

I back peddled, " I'm sure that they did and I'm very honored to meet them. But, you know ! I don't belong in here. I'm not that far gone yet. "

The Nurse set me straight, " Just because your fortunate enough to have your faculties doesn't mean that your any better than they are ! "

I saw where this was going, " Well ! Can you at least get that Nut to quit digging with that make believe shovel ! "

The Nurse grew angrier, " He's re-enacting digging a foxhole ! That's normal anytime that a man suffers from post traumatic stress ! That shouldn't bother you ! "

I folded my arms, " Well it does and you better make him stop it ! "

The Nurse had to ask, " Why does that bother you ? "

I began scooping with my make believe shovel, " Cause, now I'll have to shovel it back over there ! "

The Nurse ran from the room, as I continued to dig. What a deal ! Yep ! They kept me locked in there for over a month and I made foreman of the ditch diggers. Yep ! Ole Barney Goose was head of the Fruitcake detail. One of the Nuts suffered from a multi personality disorder. That's when several different folks share the same mind. What a deal ! So, your wondering if I got along with him ? Well ! I did, I did, I didn't, I did, I didn't, and I did. Anyway, finally my paperwork got straightened out and I was transferred to the substance abuse ward, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night and Merry Christmas Snazzers, Your Snazzy1.

 

Merry Christmas Snazzy and all snazzettes. Not you though Nurse Cratchet.

 

Hey AllLab, just stuff a pack of smokes and a cold one in there. Them kids will love it ! Hey Duker, have a Merry One on me ! Snazzy Points all over !
The Snazzy1.

 

I couldn't believe my eyes. Yep ! A bunch of nuts sitting on circled chairs and telling the same stories. What a deal ! Man ! I faced the same problem that I had before. There wasn't one drunk in the group ! They were all dopers and telling sob tales of drug addiction. Well, finally I got to meet with my councilor and had my say. We were in his office and his name was Stinken Thinken. I swear every word out of his mouth was, that I wasn't giving the program a chance. Now, to be fair, he did have a point. I wasn't ready to admit that I was an alcoholic. Hell ! Sure, I'd over indulged and my drinking had caused me some set backs. But hey ! So what ! I had chosen that lifestyle and after all, it was my life. I didn't have a family to fuss over and I wasn't cop anymore. So, big deal ! All I wanted was to drive my Amelia and be left alone ! I'd never been stopped for driving a big rig under the influence. Of course ole Stinky had to play word games with me. No matter what I said, he'd counter with some flip it saying. You know ! One day at a time, keep on keeping on, nothing changes, if nothing changes, that's stinking thinking, and blah, blah, blah !

So, unless I got with the program, the V.A. threatened to recommend I be committed. Yep ! It was going to be their way, or some Mental Hospital. What a deal ! I guess your thinking stuff like that, just can't happen in America. Well, if you have money and a good attorney it won't. But, if your court ordered, or voluntarily commit yourself. Well, go do that and tell me about ! Anyway, am I bitter ? Yes ! I never deserved to be held against my will. While I was going through all of that, ole Wifey managed to allow Amelia to be repossessed. What a deal ! Oh sure, I got a check for $157.00. Yep, that finance company sold Amelia at auction, for around $300.00 more than I owed on her. Yep, I only had about 6 payments left, which meant that someone got a heck of a deal. See, a finance company on a repossession is allowed to keep only what's owed. So, they don't care what the bid is, as long as they get their money. Anyway, I turned 40 years old in Mental Hospital, had no income, no job, no drivers license, criminal charges pending against me, and not a true friend in this world. Yep, If anyone had ever suggested to me, that in a short two years time. I'd loose everything that I had ever worked for and be in a Nut House, I'd of laughed at them. But, that's exactly what had happened. Yep, almost two years after that first DWI arrest on my 38th birthday, I'd lost it all. My old Chevy had been impounded and didn't even bring enough at auction to cover the parking fines and storage fees. All of my personal belongings that I had left in Amelia simply vanished. Yep, I was down and out.

Now, before anyone gets the feeling that I'm having a pity party. Well, I'm not ! Shoot ! Ain't nothing in this world that can keep a good man down ! Well' except if your health fails you, or you really are nuts. Anyway, I was released to a halfway house in January 1993. Yep, counting my county jail time, the private hospital, and my VA stay. I'd been institutionalized for almost eight months. The halfway house was in Lubbock, Texas and my stay was sponsored by the VA. It was homeless program for the mentally ill and that's what they classified me as. What a deal ! Yep ! Thanks to Judge Half Witt, PO Hitler, Judge Jar Head, and ... Oh, forget it ! Most of it was my fault ! Yep ! I'd made the biggest mistake of my life ! If there is one lesson in life that I have learned. Now ! Listen up ! It's that old saying, 'The Road to Hell, is paved with good intentions'. Yep, almost everyone involved with playing a part of my demise, actually had my best interest at heart. They felt by having me hit rock bottom, that I'd get on my knees, and beg a higher power to save me. Well ! It was a good try ! Yep ! They almost got me, but it just didn't work !

Anyway, I was handed my bus ticket and $30 travel pay. Yep, we're headed to Lubbock, Texas to the Halfway House to Hell, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

I stepped off the Blue Hound bus and fetched my suitcase. Yep, before leaving the Big Springs VA hospital, they had allowed me to rummage through their unclaimed property room. I managed to find a couple of shirts, some pants, and an old piece of luggage. I had about $200 to my name and all my earthly belongings were in my hand. The cold North wind nipped at my face and hands, as I approached the taxi stand. The cab driver tossed my goods in the trunk and lowered the orange flag. The ride was short, but expensive. My new home was an old red brick house located in a seedy business district. I handed the driver a $10 bill, so he had to be satisfied with the twenty cent tip. I fought my way across the snow covered yard and pressed the ringer. The door buzzed and I was allowed in. There was a wire cage that kept the staff member protected from the guest. Yep ! I was a guest, but prisoner would have better described me. I was required to give a urine sample, take a breath test, and allow them to search me. After my bag was gone through, they escorted me to my bunk. The room was large and had a dozen bunk beds lined up against the wall. I folded my clothes into a wooden trunk, that faced the foot of my bed. I sat and read over the house rules.

Let's see, no alcohol or drugs, no weapons, no profane language, no sex, no visitors, no pets, no fighting, and a few other not allowed rules. Then the must rules, must sign in and out, subject to random drug and alcohol testing, obey all staff orders, attend required meetings, pay half of all income towards rent, leave by 6 am, and return between, 6 pm and 7pm. Must work a minimum of 8 hours per week doing house cleanup. Yep ! I was screwed ! This Halfway House was for parolees who had recently been discharged from prison. Now, I didn't quite fit in that category. I mean, I hadn't even been convicted of anything. But, what the heck. Yep, I was just a worthless piece of crap and the State didn't give a hoot, about the Hoot. What a deal !

My roomies slowly began to filter in. I was pretty much ignored and there wasn't a friendly face in the crowd. There seemed to be a big rush for whatever reason, as the group hurried to prepare themselves. Finally one of the fellas broke the ice.

He gave me the look, " If you don't want to be written up, you better get off your bunk ! "

I stood up, " Oh ! Sorry, I didn't know. So, you can't sit on it ? Where is everyone headed to ? "

He shook his head, " #### new Fish ! Look ! Just flow with the crowd and keep your mouth shut ! We don't like new Fish ! You got a problem with that ? "

I was hurt, " What did I do ? I mean, what's your problem ? "

He squared off, " Come on ! I'll show you my problem ! "

I held my palms out, " Look ! I don't want any trouble ! Let's forget it. "

He looked around, " See that ! He's a scared of me ! Dang new Fish is a girlie Fish ! "

I knew what I had to do, " Okay ! Let's go ! You swing first ! "

He looked confused, " Pops ! Look ! Your getting ready to bite off more than you can chew ! "

I kept my fist up, " No ! You started this ! Let's go ! "

The Loud Voice shook the room, " Knock it off ! We don't need to be on lock down again ! "

He backed down and headed out the door. I stood there and thought about what had just happened. Yep ! I had just been tested to see if I was a punk or a push over. Well, I wasn't ! So, that was that. Yep, they do silly things to test your resolve. I always figured that they had watched too many action films. Oh ! If your over 40 years old, or look over 40, they call you Pops. It's not, in itself, a derogatory inference, but it's sure not a title to be proud of. The younger cons like to remind you that your past your prime. Of course, I already knew that and it really didn't bother me. I'd rather be a forty year old Pops, than a 20 year old runt. Yep ! These cons were still working off their jail mentality. I knew that I was doomed as soon as my excop status became known. Yep ! They'd shank me or give me the old blanket party, just for the fun of it. I was scheduled to meet with the Head Cheese the following morning. So, I went to the chow hall and ate my last meal. Well maybe not, if I was able to survive the night, and keep that appointment. Yep Snazzers, we're on thin ice here, as Life Goes On.

Let's break, your Snazzy1.

 

I slept with one hand covering my pie hole and the other protecting my ahole. Yep, there wasn't any since in taking any chances. I followed my roomies the next morning to the chow hall. It was actually a two car garage that had been converted into a kitchen and dining area. I have to admit that the grub wasn't bad. Matter of fact, it was a lot better than most truck stop meals. I finished eating and sashayed over to the Head Cheese's office. He was in his mid thirties, tall, thin, dressed in a suit, and really full of himself. He had me wait in the hallway for half an hour before he permitted me to enter.

I extended my hand, " I'm Barney Goose. "

Big Cheese remained seated behind his desk, " Take a seat ! I've been reading over your file. You know ! I have a good mind to just call PO Hitler and have her violate your probation. Your a screwup ! "

I gave him the look, " I'm not on probation ! I'm on pretrial release and to be honest, about it. Well, I wish you would ! I'd rather be in jail than here ! "

Big Cheese rolled his eyes, " Man ! Are you really nuts ? The court is doing you a favor. Let's see, they sent you that Psycho Institute where you assaulted your roommate and two staff members, then tried to escape. Your next stop was at the V.A. Hospital in Big Springs, where you refused to work your program. Now, your here in Lubbock and telling me you want to be back in custody. "

I was honest, " Look ! All this is over two misdemeanor DWI's and a trumped up auto theft charge. Geez ! If I'd known that I was being committed to a bunch of mental facilities and treated like a drug addict. #### ! "

Big Cheese grinned, " Alright now, listen to me. I guess you don't know how to work the system. All those folks that are in jail will go to trial before you do. Chances are your cases will be dismissed. If you play your hand right and give this sometime. Well, you'll probably walk away Scott free ! "

I perked up my ears, " You mean that ! I mean, how long are we talking about ? "

Big Cheese hesitated, " Let's see, you've been in the system for almost eight months now. I'd say give it another eight months. You know the V.A. is sponsoring you here. That means that it's on their dime. So, every penny that you pay in, you'll get back. "

I had to ask, " So, I go get a job and hand over half of my paycheck to you. Right ? Then when I get discharged, I'll get it all back ? "

Big Cheese nodded, " Yep and that's on top of whatever you save up. You have to admit that's not a bad deal ! Hell ! Room and board free, and duck all those criminal charges. Man ! What more could you ask for ? "

I studied on it, " Now, what do I have to do ? I mean, I'm not going to admit that I'm a powerless drug addict ! I'm not ! I just can't stand to see these mindless Idiots all reciting a bunch of nonsense. I feel sorry for them, because it seems to me. Well, I hate to say this. "

Big Cheese egged me on, " No ! Go ahead ! Tell me ! "

I unloaded, " This is brainwashing ! Ya'll, I mean the whole system is setup to just brainwash a bunch of weak minded people. You Know ! Control their freedom, when to eat, when to sleep. Then repeat the same crap over and over, time and again. Ya'll use fear, intimidation, rewards, and punishments. Yep ! It's just brainwashing 101. Well ! I don't want to be a brainwashed. To be honest, I'd rather be a drunk ! "

Big Cheese winked at me, " Can't you play along ! You think that these Idiots are for real ? They're just playing along ! Hell ! Half these cons won't even finish this. They'll be back in prison ! Just worry about what's best for you. Now, there is one thing ! I've never had a cop or ex-cop here. You know that there's noway to keep that a secret. I'll do this ! I'll put you on the staff. That way you'll be separated from the rest. Now, you might as well know, that all the staff here are ex-offenders. The only difference is they've been clean and sober for over a year. "

I shook my head, " That doesn't mean a thing ! If an ex-con wants to settle a score. Well, I mean what difference does it make if he's sober or not ? "

Big Cheese assured me, " Barney the Staff members here know a good deal when they see it. Noway would they touch a hair on your head. Hell, they'd be put back in with the others. Imagine that ? "

I laughed, " Yeah, I guess Staff members are more hated than ex-cops."

So, that was that. Yep ! Ole Barney Goose was now an ex-cop, a has been trucker, an ex-gangster, and a soon to be Staff member of the Halfway House to Hell, as Life Goes On.

Nightie, night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Your a lucky man Snazzy. Lubbock smells a lot better than Big Springs. Especially back then. Cotton seed vs oil & chem. Hope you had a good X_mas.

 

Way to go Snazzy! High Cotton now!!

 

Yep Duker and Lab, at least I had some freedom and that sure beat being locked up in that V.A. hospital. Let's see how tall the cotton grows, as Life Goes On.

Let's see, President 'I didn't have sex', replaced ole, 'read my hips,' as 1993 hit the fan. My staff job was a non-paid position, but for working one 12 hour shift, I was allowed to move in with the other staff members. Well, actually I moved in with one other staff member. The staff all shared semi private rooms and it was a little better. Yep, there were two large rooms across our hall that housed 12 parolees each. So, there was usually around 20 poor souls to deal with. Yep, the house never stayed full, because of so many who simply fled after seeing what a was ahead. Just imagine being locked up for several years and being released. Then you find out that your still locked up for another 30 days. Yep, it took 30 days confined to that halfway house before you earned the privilege to go look for a job. Then if you found a job, half of your pay was taken for your rent, and don't forget those extra charges. Yep, you had to pay for every drug test that the staff ordered you to take. On top of that, some of these guys were still paying court cost, parole fees, child support, and even required to pay for their own counseling. Opps, almost left out they were required to donate to Narcotic Anonymous for each required meeting. Yep, they had to make 30 meetings in 30 days and then attend 3 meetings every week.

Yep, the mafia didn't have nothen to compare with this racket. It was a system designed for failure. The state wanted them returned to prison. Now, don't roll your eyes ! Think about it ! Have you ever heard of any government agency complain that they're over staffed, over funded, over trained, and had too many qualified applicants ? Hell no ! Now put yourself in their shoes. The more funding, the better it is. Yep, better pay, more promotions, newer equipment, and all of that. So, it's the old squeaking wheel syndrome, from the top to the bottom. The cops, the courts, the prisons, the PO's, the councilors, and everybody else. What a deal ! Oh sure, you don't want a bunch of harden criminals hitting the streets, and that's what the state is counting on. Yep, fear ! Pay us protection money or suffer the consequences. You'll read about in the papers and see on the news. Yep ! Some Dirty Dingus done slipped through the system and killed a family of nine. Yep, and that was after raping the dog and drowning the goldfish. Of course, what you don't hear is usually some Idiot done screwed up and let that one slip by. Yep, some Moron who didn't follow the rules is to blame. But, hell no ! It's because of lack of funding !

I'll get off my soapbox. Anyway, I was no exception, so I did my 30 day lock down, and attended 30 N.A. meetings. The meetings were all held in a meeting hall just across the street. Now, there were some A.A. meetings mixed in, but hey ! There's really no difference, as far as I'm concerned. Oh, you might have a good group and I'm sure some folks benefit from being members. But hey ! If you force a bunch ex-offenders, who have spent years of being punished, and then force them to attend. It's silly ! They look at it as just more punishment. Yep ! That's the system and you wonder why so many fail ? The worse part, about all of this, is the need for the system to beat out all of the self respect that a person has. Yep, now this is just my opinion. But, hey ! Anytime you have some fool looking to someone else for self respect. Well, what you have is a beaten down man who has given up. He's no longer really a man. He's just a hollow shell that spits out a lot of rehearsed flip-it sayings. Then one day that man wakes up and sees what has been taken from him. Opps ! Dang soapbox !

Anyway, I suffered through and survived the best that I could. I chanted the sacred sayings, admitted I was powerless, and even accepted a higher power. That's when the real poo-poo hit the fan, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night, Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Dang it, Snazz! Just when I thought things were finally gonna turn around for you, you end with...

I am almost afraid to ask, "What next?"​