Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Maybe he should have filled all the tires with Helium.

 

You figured all the important factors in: weight of the load,weight of the fuel,weight of the truck and trailer. BUT you forgot about the X factor.
Or in this case the 6xxxxxx factor.

 

HEY SNAZZ- I THINK I USED TO WORK WITH HER BROTHER. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PHOTO AND SEE IF THERE IS A RESEMBLANCE.

 

Good god, that poor Bobcat! That guy needs to upgrade to a... hell... a MountainLion or something.

 

I THINK A D-7 IS ABOUT THE MINIMUM THAT THIS GUY SHOULD CONSIDER.

 

I found the perfect size for him Duker... Sue will even be able to ride along.

 

First a Big Snazzy welcome to W5IT who did a fine job showing those tires a flapping. I see that Pj and Locked are back for their abuse, so Snazzy points all around, as Life Goes On.

Things bounced along and I tried to keep an open mind about Sue. You know, we can't help how we look and I've never met anyone who enjoyed being obese. I'd heard somewhere that inside every over sized person there is a normal one trying to come out. Yep, in mind's eye I could picture a dozen normal folks climbing out of Sue and running for their lives. What a deal ! We ended up delivering that paper in Long Beach, Ca. and picked up a load headed to Upper, Michigan. Now, one thing that I had noticed about Sue, was that she was getting larger by the day. Yes, it was like a science fiction movie where the blob just kept growing. To be honest, I was actually upset with myself. You know, I was raised to never judge anyone by their looks, but found myself being embarrassed to be seen with Sue. She actually tried to attract attention to herself. Yep, it was still winter time, but she wore shorts and even tried to flirt over the CB. When we hit the Greasy Spoons, Sue would always make a big deal out of ordering and talking louder than necessary. You know, if I was her, I'd of tried to have kept a low profile. I'd noticed all of the finger pointing and back snickering. You know, folks can be cruel and do enjoy putting down their fellow man. Ole Sue just never did get it and acted like she fit right in.

Now, as far as her driving was concerned, Sue wasn't all that bad. There were a couple of things that she did, that did bother me. We were parked at a truckstop, somewhere between here and there. You know, their all the same and it doesn't matter which one we were at. I do remember there video poker games there and I had won a few dollars, for a change. I was sitting in the copilot's seat and Sue was crunching on an extra large pizza. She was in the sleeper, seated on the bottom bunk, with the curtain open.
I turned on the dome light, " Sue ! We'll probably end up spending the night here. That ice storm should play out soon and that'll the give those Salt Shakers a chance. I need to go ahead and fill out your weekly evaluation. Now, don't get upset ! I'm just going to point out a couple of things that there's room for you to approve on. "

Sue licked her fingers, " Like what ! "

I marked on the clipboard, " Let's see ! That's good, excellent, good, good, excellent, oh here ! Now, I've mentioned this to you a couple of times, about keeping a safe following distance. You never know about those four wheelers ! You need to back off a little and give them plenty of room. I know it's a little frustrating at times, but even if they cut in front you, always remember ! Your a professional driver and they're not ! It's up to us to set an example. You know what I'm saying ? "

Sue didn't, " That's not true ! I never follow too closely ! Your just still pissed off, because I blew my air-horn at that pecker head ! "

I lit up, " No ! I wasn't upset, about the horn. It was chasing after the guy and riding his back bumper that concerned me. You need to understand that it only takes a split second to really screw up ! It's not worth it ! Just ease up and let the fool go. He'll get his sooner or later ! "

Sue wanted to argue, " Well ! How about when you cut that guy off ? "

I held my temper, " I had my signal on, but he wouldn't let me over. Now, that's different ! I tried to speed up to get past him and even slowed down when that didn't work. He was playing games and ...Wait a minute ! This evaluation is about you ! Now, I'm not saying that I don't make mistakes. I make them every day ! Just remember ! I've been doing this for awhile and I try to improve everyday that I'm out here. It's hard at times and getting harder. That's why it's important for us to admit when we're wrong. "

Sue gave me a cheap shot, " That's funny ! You cut people off and that's fine. I just honked at a guy and you write me up ! "

I didn't want to argue, " Look ! This evaluation is for your own good. It's a tool that can help you improve. The company requires that I fill this out and have you sign it. It's meant to point out ...."

Sue dropped another bomb, " What if I don't sign it ! What then ? "

I gave Sue the look, " Your making too big a deal out of this ! Now, listen to me and understand something. I'm just trying to do my job ! "

Sue spat, " I bet if I was a man you wouldn't ...."

I spoke the truth, " Man ! That has nothing to do with this ! Man, woman, more-for-tights, eer more-four-kites, uh, well you know ! They have weenies and are split tail ! That doesn't matter to me ! I'm treating you the same, like any other student ! "

Sue pushed it too far, " I've seen how you look at me ! Your just doing this because I won't put out ! "

I went postal, " Put out ! Where in the hell did you come up with that ? I'll be honest with you Sue ! No ! Let's not even go there ! If you think that I've done anything and I mean anything ! You need to call Ed ! No ! Call the EEOC or the Governor ! No ! Call Over Eater's Are Us ! Your delusional ! All of that fat has gone into your brain ! "

Sue burst in to tears, " I know the truth ! Your just like all of the rest ! They'll believe you and fire me ! My husband warned me ! "

I grabbed my overnight bag, " You can sleep in here ! I'm getting a room and I'm calling Ed in the morning ! I don't need this ! "

So, I sashayed away carrying my bag and disbelief across the frigid parking lot. What a deal ! Yep, that was the last thing that I was expecting. I mean if Sue hadn't been 600 lbs and hadn't looked like a giant Cabbage Doll. Well, maybe I would have been guilty. Yep Snazzers, I guess of all the things I'd ever been accused of. Well, this was one for the diet books, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Way to go Snazzy, now you've upset the Gracon! Still hangin with ya brother! Thanks again!

 

I see that AllLab is still with us, both Duke and lilill posted excellent pictures. To be honest, Sue was more the size of the bulldozers than what fit inside of them. Snazzy points all around, as Life Goes On.

I popped the top of another one and sat staring out the motel window. It was 2 am and I hadn't been able to sleep. You know how your mind just won't shut down at times ? Yep, ole Shamoo had really gotten me lathered up and I was weighing my options.

Knock, knock, " Who is it ? "

She whispered, " It's Sue. Can I come in ? "

I cracked the door open, " What do you want ? "

Sue's fat head replied, " It's cold out here and we need to talk ! "

I unfastened the chain, " Come in, but sit over there ! "

Sue tried to, " I can't sit there ! Here, I'll just sit on the edge of your bed. Have you already called Ed ? "

I took a gulp of my suds, " No ! He won't be there until 6am and I don't like calling him at home. "

Sue struggled taking off her overcoat, " I hate this thing ! It never did fit me and ..."

I'd seen enough, " Put that back on ! I don't want to see you, in your nightie ! Now, say your piece and get out ! "

Sue made her move, " Your blushing ! Come over here and let's work this out. I don't bite ! "

I stood firm, " Are you nuts ? One minute your accusing me of trying to take advantage of you and the next minute your ..."

Sue's fat paw patted the mattress, " You can't rape the willing ! I give in and you were right ! "

I swung the door back open, " Get out of here ! Sue ! Trust me ! Your the last person on earth that would interest me ! "

Sue charged towards me, " We can't help it ! You want me ! I know that you do, so let's not fight it ! "

I was pinned against the wall, " Stop it ! Quit ! I can't breathe ! "

Her two watermelons smothered me, " Oh Barney ! "

My hands disappeared into flab, " Get away from me ! Your crushing me ! "

Sue over powered me and kicked the door shut, " Don't fight it ! It's bigger than the both of us. "

My cries for help were muffled, " Let go of me ! Help ! Help ! "

So, Sue drug me in a bear hug over to the bed and plopped me down. I felt the the bed slats give way, as I fought not to pass out. It was like being trapped under the Badyear Blimp.

Knock, knock, " Security, open up ! "

Sue peeled me off her chest and answered the door, " Hello Officer ! Were we making too much noise ? "

Officer Big Nose stepped in, " We had a complaint ! Is everything alright in here ? "

I crawled towards him, " Thank God that your here ! I think my ribs are broken and ..."

The Officer helped me up, " Are you ok ? Do you need an ambulance ? "

I stood like a new born fawn, " I'll be alright, just give me a minute. She tried to rape me and ..."

Sue went into her ####-sale-in-duress, " He's lying ! Officer, arrest him ! He lured me in here and tried to have his way with me ! "

Officer Big Nose didn't buy it, " He did what ? Look at him ! He's in shock ! This poor man has had enough ! What did you do to him ? "

Sue stuck to her lies, " If you don't arrest him, I'll have your badge ! He's my trainer and thought that I'd let him have his way ! I'm going to sue to make sure no other woman ..."

I staggered towards the door, " Air ! Air ! I need air ! "

Big Nose helped me outside, " Where's your truck parked at ? I'll help you get to it. Are you sure that... "

I pleaded, " Just get me out of here and keep her away from me ! "

So, Security Officer Big Nose escorted me back to my rig. I thanked him and locked myself in. I sank into the bottom bunk where Simba had created the huge crater. Yep, it was like being wrapped inside of a soft taco. I tugged on the silk sheet and that's when reality bit me on my butt. I jumped up and tore free from those silk panties. Yep, that silk sheet was actually the hippo's drawers. I did a jig and shook like a dog sheds water. I took refuge on the top bunk and drifted off into a restless sleep. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

OMG Snazz you rascally devil you...all this time you thought you were training a Driver when you were really plotting when to make your move
Dang your a sly ol' fox.............LOL