Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Yep Big Duker, Barney did get a small cut out of that deal with Chopper. Broncrider, do you ever get that feeling, that someone might be looking over your shoulder ? Never mind ! I see that Sapphirecat and Ducks, enjoyed the graphic details so much that they shared their thoughts with us. Lets see Pjw044, if the cops gave or got a Hoot, as Life Goes On.

The yellow crime scene tape was stretched across my apartment door, as I stood there holding the key. The apartment manager came huffing up and filled me in. She was attractive and had always been a bit of a flirt, but was all business that day.

I spoke first, " Hi, Miss Shapely. "

She handed me my eviction notice, " Mr Goose ! This is signed by our local Justice of the Peace ! Your ordered to retrieve all of your belongings and to vacate the premises within 24 hours ! If you return after that, you'll be arrested and charged with criminal trespassing ! "

I had to ask, " What happened ? "

Miss Shapely spat, " What happened ? What happened ? I tell you what happened ! Six ! Six ! Six times, the police were out here ! Last night was the final straw ! Your apartment has caused me enough heartache ! "

I was stunned, " I swear Miss Shapely, I didn't know about ...."

Miss Shapely didn't buy it, " Sure you did ! You knew, that you weren't suppose to sublease it out ! Those Bikers had every tenant here afraid to step outside. Those animals raced around here and raised hell ! All that drinking, cussing, fighting, dope dealing, and the rest ! Now, pack up your things and don't come back ! "

So, I did. Well, there wasn't much to pack. Yep, all that was left, wasn't worth taking. Let's see, grease stains, blood stains, empty beer bottles, black fingerprint dust, busted up furniture, and that big hole where a window once was. Yep, it didn't take me long to vacate and sashay away. My Datsun parked itself in front of the Layover Club, and I tip toed in. You know how it is, when your not sure how folks are going to react. I hoped that Julie had calmed down and gotten over things. You know, enough time had passed by and stuff happens. Hell, I'm sure that half the bar patrons in there had done worse. I mean, it had just been a small bar fight and that wasn't worth being barred for life. I gently eased myself onto the toadstool and tried to look innocent. The old bar owner herself read me the riot act.

Vicki gave me the look, " Barney ! Your barred from here and you need to leave. If you don't, I'll have security escort you out ! "

I gave her the sad eyes, " Vicki, I've been coming in here for ...."

Vicki cut me short, " I know, you've been a good customer and I hate having to do this ! But, Barney ! You've changed and I can't afford to put up with it ! "

I tried to use reason, " Vicki, I swear that guy started the whole thing and Julie just over reacted that night ! "

Vicki rolled her eyes, " Julie ? She doesn't even work for me anymore, since she got married, I haven't even seen her ! "

I felt a knife in my heart, " Julie, got married ? When ? To who ? "

Vicki toyed with my agony, " Oh, I thought that you knew. She got married a few days ago to Officer Handsome. You know him ! He use to work here part time off duty. "

I tried to swallow the bad news, " Oh, him ! Yeah ! That figures ! No wonder she had him escort me out of here. Wait a minute ! I thought that he was married. Wasn't he ? "

Vicki didn't want to gossip, " I have no idea ! Now, please leave and I hope there aren't any hard feelings. "

I patted Vicki's wrinkled hand, " No ! I'm just sorry that it turned out this way and I wish you the best. I mean that ! "

So, in less than an hours time, I had lost my apartment, the woman that meant the most to me, and the place I felt most at home. I was backing out of the parking lot, as Joe swung in. I honked, waved, and sashayed over.

I greeted him, " Hey Joe, what's up ? "

Joe acted funny, " Not much. Did you just get in ? "

I lit up, " Yeah ! You know what ? Vicki just barred me from ...."

Joe was in the know, " Yeah, she said she was ! That's too bad and we'll miss seeing you. How's your buddy Mike doing ? "

I blew smoke, " That SOB ! He got me evicted from my apartment and I don't even have a place to stay. Man ! So, where's the Mrs ? "

Joe let me down easy, " Barney my wife, well, I hope that you understand. She thinks that, maybe we shouldn't hangout anymore. Now, it's not me and I hope you ..."

I thought he was joking, " Joe, your kidding me ! Why ? What happened ? I've never done anything to her. "

Joe was honest, " Barney, I hope that you don't take this the wrong way. It's just that, she's right. You hang with a pretty rough crowd and she's worried that next time..."

I gave Joe the look, " Next time ? Hell Joe ! You punched that guy in the snout and started that fight ! Now, come on ! Mike and I, we were just there to ........."

Joe saw it differently, " No ! She's right ! I never did stuff like that until we started hanging out together. That buddy of yours, Mike he's going to get someone killed one of these days ! "

I saw where it was going, " That's alright Joe ! I see what your saying and that's fine with me. I think the world of you and your wife ! I wish you and Miss Joe, the very best. I mean that ! "

So, Joe and I shook hands, as I tried to puzzle things out. My drive to the local Bed & Bug was delayed long enough for a stop at the local spirits store. Yep, after checking in, I twisted the cap and poured myself a strong one. Gees, what a day ! Now, I guess somewhere around highball number eight, everything began to soak in. You know, it hit me. No ! Not the liquor, as much as the cold hard facts. Yep, maybe I had changed and that's why everything was falling apart. I wasn't the same old likable Barney. Maybe Julie, Vicki, Miss Joe, and Joe, saw things in me that I didn't see. You know what I mean ! Yeah ! Now, I could of blamed Mike the Beard, for the most part. I mean, he sure had played a big roll in things. Yep, like Grandma use to say, ' you are what your friends are '. Well, so what ! I mean, Mike was like me. We were both outcast and had pushed life to it's limits. I felt like Mike and I, were kind of like a couple of old Wild West saddle bums. You know, we both had skeletons in our closets. Of course, by highball number ten, it wasn't Mike's fault at all. Nope, it was all Julie's fault ! That little heart breaker had played me for a fool ! Yep, she never cared about me and used that bar fight as an excuse to end our relationship !

By highball number twelve, it was Joe's fault ! Hell, there he and his Misses were, still welcome at the club and I was made out to be the villain. Sure, he probably bad mouthed me behind my back and turned everyone against me. Then there was Vicki ! Hell, all she cared about was making a buck. Hell she sure forgot, that I helped bring in half of her customers ! Then, what about Officer Handsome ? That two faced piece of crap ! Yeah ! We use to swap lies and swig down cold ones together. Yep, I bet the whole time he was just plotting to steal Julie away from me. By number fourteen, it was my fault ! Yep, I was real dummy ! Sitting there at 4 am, hugging the toilet and hawking Buicks. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Well at least you didn't have a dog to turn on you as well. Now that would be the bottom of the barrel.

 

Ah Geez- Talk about going from the FIRE to being dumped into the pits of H**L. Like Big Duker said glad you dont have a dog cuz he'd a bit you right in the ##*. We can only hope that the ONLY
way for things to go is .

 

Yep Big Duker and Pjw044, let's see if things improve, as Life Goes On.

It took me two days to recover from that well earned hangover. I sat in Ed's office and waited for him to get off one of his three phones.

Ed finally acknowledged my presence, " Here Barney ! She's brand spanking new and the shop just got her ready. "

I took the keys, " Sweet ! What is she ? "

Ed bragged, That's one of those new Freight Shakers. She is loaded down with every option that can be ordered. Now, I'm assigning her to you and no one else will be allowed to drive her ! Is that fair ? "

I lit up, " Man ! I hate letting a student get behind her wheel. "

Ed smiled, " From now on, I'm only selecting the very best students for you to train. No more nuts, dope heads, and losers ! Just the best ! "

I was honest, " Ed, I'm going to honest with you ! If it wasn't for Eugene, I was getting ready to quit ! Now, I know that he has some past to live down, but he's the type driver that TLX needs. He's honest, dedicated, hard working, and ..."

Ed cut me off, " I read your evaluations on Eugene and your right ! He's got a good future here and he'll do just fine. Now Barney, this is Wilbur's resume and you'll see how impressive it is. That man can really be an asset to us. He's got his Masters Degree, was a CEO, is a decorated war hero, has had several patents approved, speaks seven languages, has written several software programs, has traveled all over the world, and the list goes on ! "

I had to ask, " Why the hell does he want to drive a truck ? "

Ed jumped up, " Col. Wilbur, this is Barney Goose ! He's the best trainer I have and there's nothing about trucking he can't answer ! "

I stood up and shook his sweaty palm, " How's it going ? "

Wilbur was all business, " I had Dan the shop foreman pull our truck out of the shop. I've already loaded up my gear, so are you ready to go ? "

I gave him the look, " No ! I'm in a conference right now ! Why don't you go do us a pretrip and I'll be out shortly. "

Wilbur corrected me, " Federal DOT law only requires a post trip inspection and our truck ...."

I'd heard enough, " Listen Pal, that's my truck ! Let's get something straight here ! I'm going to be your trainer ! Have you got a problem with that ? "

Wilbur smiled at Ed, " I guess you haven't had time to explain it to him. I'll be waiting outside. "

Ed bowed his head, as Wilbur exited, " Barney ! Now, you should know that Wilbur is interested in investing with us. Crook Jr is taking TLX public, but that has to be kept quiet for now ! Col Wilbur comes from a very wealthy family and it could be just what we need ! "

I rolled my eyes, " That Idiot ? Did you see that get up he has on ? He looks like Teddy Roosevelt ! #### ! Tan safari shorts, monocle, little whip stick, and that Jungle Jim plastic helmet ! Gees ! He's a nut ! "

Ed was Ed, " Crook Jr checked ! Wilbur's family is worth millions ! Just treat him nice and don't let him get under your skin. He'll be alright and you know how those rich kids can be. "

I gave Ed the look, " Kid ? That SOB is older than I am ! Ed ! Somethings not right here ! That goofy nut is playing ya'll for fools ! "

Ed wouldn't listen, " Maybe your right, but his money is what matters ! That's the main thing ! Now, Crook Jr checked and ...."

I tried one last time, " Money ! Money ! Is that all that ya'll care about ? You really want me to train that fat head ? He's nuts ! "

Ed bought me, " Speaking of money, I almost forgot. I recommended and Jr agreed, that your worth every penny of 30 cents per mile. Now Barney, you can't let that get out ! Your our highest paid trainer and haven't been here that long. You keep up the good work and the sky is the limit. "

So, I sold what was left of my soul for 30 cents per mile. Of course in 1995, 30 cents for every mile turned, on a training truck, came out to be around $2,400.00 per week. Oh sure, some outfits paid as much, but none of them would of touched me with a 10' foot load-lock. You know, and besides that I was assigned a brand new Century. They were new on the market and most drivers took notice. Of course, as soon as the T-2000 Kenworth was introduced. Well, you know ! Yep, drivers always want to drive the fanciest and newest tractors. I wasn't any different and really felt like the bee's knees. You know, a brand new model that sure got noticed. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Hooollyy Mooolllyyy--here we go.....Try training a guy who is used to
giving orders and having them followed without question, to a guy that HAS to follow orders is like 2 Bulls in one round pen. Hang on folks, its gunna get real interesting fast....

 

Yep Pjw044, two Bulls in a pen, as Life Goes On.

I sashayed out of Ed's office and stopped by dispatch. They had me a preloaded trailer headed to Mammy, Florida. Just as I stepped outside, the sound of a racing diesel engine filled the air. Yep, ole Wilbur was gunning my newly assigned Century and I wasn't happy.

I jerked open the drivers door, " Get out ! "

Wilbur climbed down, " I was just warming her up. Where's our trailer at ? "

I held out my hand, " Give me those keys ! Now, listen up ! Your getting off to real bad start ! My name is Mr Goose ! You will address me as, Mr Goose ! Your just a student driver ! We are not a team ! This isn't our truck ! It's my truck ! Your here to listen and to learn ! If you think, that your here, for any other reason. Well, you need to get your crap out of my truck ! "

Wilbur folded his arms, " Well, Mr Goose ! I was just trying to help ! I use to be the Chief Executive Officer, of a World Wide, Fortune 500 Company. I had over 12,994 drivers that....."

I gave him the look, " I don't give a crap, if you use to be President of the United States ! Now, if you can't keep your yap shut and do as your told, then get away from me ! I'm not going to put up with any BS ! Do you understand me ? "

Wilbur blinked, " Mr Goose, your absolutely right ! I sometimes forget my place at times. I'll try my best to follow your directions and do whatever is necessary. You know, my IQ is so high that it can't be measured. "

I pointed, " Go over there and have a seat at that picnic table with the rest of the students. I'm going to load my gear and hookup. Oh, wait a minute ! You need to change into something different. That costume isn't going to cut it. You look like a Teddy Roosevelt want to be ! "

Wilbur looked himself over, " Your right Mr Goose ! Teddy was my great grandfather and my family can be traced back to ancient Rome ! Our family crest once ruled over the entire Old World. "

I'd heard enough, " Just change and shut-up ! "

So, Col Wilbur collected one one of his 10 suitcases and shuffled off. I went ahead and loaded up my gear, hooked up, and did a pretrip. That Century was a beautiful tractor. She was blood red, had dual chrome stacks, was packing a 425 HP Cat, custom chromed aluminum wheels, sporting an owner operator package, air sliding fifth wheel, cruise control, super ten tranny, a 72" condo sleeper, and still had clear plastic covering her seats. What a deal ! I got all bucked tooth and hairy palmed just looking at her. Anyway, I swung around and got an eyeful. Col Custard, err.., Col Wilbur was now wearing a rodeo costume. Yep, complete with ten gallon hat, a blue jean jacket, chaps, boots, spurs, and a golden belt buckle. I had to do a double take, as Col Full of Crap took the copilots seat.

I had to ask, " Your not planning on taking Trigger along, are you ? "

Wilbur started in, " I own a ranch in Wyoming and raise thoroughbreds. This National Rodeo Belt Buckle was presented to me back when I won the World Bull Riding Competition. "

I pushed in the fart knob, " I'm going to head over to the Pile Lot truckstop and fuel up. Now, Wilbur ! This truck has less than 100 miles showing and is brand spanking new ! I'm not even use to this digital dash and stuff. Now, I usually let my students get a turn behind the wheel their first day out. I'll be honest with you, until I get use to her...."

Col Know-It-All, cut me short, " It can't be any more difficult than that Stealth Bomber I piloted. That was back in 1963 ! Ole John F, himself called me. I was hunting Big Game down in the Amazon. The Company, you know, the CIA ! They had submarine come down and pick me up. Now, we had that Stealth Bomber already flying back then. That was a top-secret and only the few of us, that had Crepton Security Clearances knew about it. They whisked me aboard the USS Enterprise and I flew that Stealth right over Castro's bunker. Now, I had a nuclear warhead and begged Kennedy to let me take him out. Well, he told me, he said ....."

I climbed down and shut the door, as Col Tall Tales continued his yarn of made up Bull Hockey. So, I guess your wondering, why I put up with him ? Well, he seemed harmless enough and trust me. Yep, if you ever hold a wheel across America, you'll hear every lie ever told and then some. I guess what always got to me, was how stupid did they think you were ? They'd spout that crap out like it was the gospel and expect you to swallow it. Yep, they weren't like yours truly, who will even admit that some of these truer than fiction tales have been embellished just a tad. Anyway, Ole Col Pack Of Lies was still tossing Bull, as I climbed back in.

Col Full of Crap, was now in Nam. " I told Lydon, that my team of Special Forces could end it right then ! I had ole Hoe-She-Men in my sights and my finger on the trigger. Now, get this ! Lyndon Johnson told me, he said..."

I interrupted, " See this fuel ticket ? I'll log that into the Quail Comm and keep it here on my clipboard. Now, see this trip number ? Everything we do under this load is based on that number. Now, this is important ! TLX is going to a straight Data Based program. We're not even going to use that old Trip Pack system, or even have to keep a logbook. Now, it's not up and operating yet. But, you need to get use to it. "

Col Full of Himself piped in, " That's silly ! When I was designing software for NASA, our moon mission had to be within a billionth of a zeroid ! Mission Control knew that I was their only hope. Now, don't ever breathe a word of this ! I was hidden on board and it was actually me that made that first moon walk ! When I returned from that mission the Russians tried to have me join their Red Team ! That's where I got my code name and began working as a double agent. Mr Goose, 007 was based on me ! Now, ole Cruise Chef himself told me this ! He said, ..."

So, Col Make Believe continued to spew out more of his horse manure. I kept turning up the surround sound and tried to tune him out. Yep, it didn't matter what I did. Ole Col Blabber Mouth just sat and yarned more web of lies. It was kind of funny in a way and kind of scary in another. You know, what if Col Full of It, was completely off his rocker ? Yeah ! What if he was delusional and actually believed any of it ? Gees ! Anyway, I decided to just grin and bare it. I mean, what else could I do ? What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

OMG !!! this is gunna be one lllllllllllllllllooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg ##*ed training period .

 

Too bad you didn't keep some of Tyrone's pharmaceuticals.
Maybe you could have mixed up a potion for the old soldier to knock him out occasionally. You need Eugene back.

 

OR---better yet........have Eugene knock him out....