Husband wants to go OTR

My dh was expecting that he would make about this much so far he hasn't. He has made a total of maybe two checks that were a little over $600. every other check was extremely low a couple of them were just plain silly imho, because there was absolutely no way I could pay anything, I didn't even have enough to pay gas to the person who generally takes me to the grocery store and to run errands, and I didn't have enough to buy groceries even. And I was expecting to have had enough to pay the rent that week, and buy at least a few groceries, plus give my friend gas money for coming to take me everywhere I needed to go. She ended up getting me groceries for the kids, and I ended up calling my dh and telling him he could make more at McDonalds and be home every night. (I was a little upset because he had told me there would be enough to pay the rent, and there wasn't, so I had to get the landlady to wait on the rent and make payment arrangements on the phone, and power and let everything else go,) one month I just borrowed the money for the rent, * I am still trying to get that paid back, then this past week I borrowed money for another bill, plus groceries, and I'll have to get that paid back, somehow or other.

And my kids wonder why we don't go any where. My dh says it'll get better, maybe it will eventually, but so far for the year and this is now the middle of June he has grossed around 9 thousand dollars I think, I'll have to double check, but that is about what it was the last time I looked at the gross and that was only a couple weeks ago if that, and that amount is not paying the bills, his bring home pay is a lot less. Because of all the deductions on his check, including the training that he has to pay for, he has to drive for at least a year with the company he is with or he will get a very large bill that we won't be able to pay. To go with all the rest of the big hugemoungus bills we currently can't pay. Maybe eventually we'll get everything paid if we live long enough, and the economy improves, no one gets hurt or seriously ill or anything like that.

We do have insurance now which is about the biggest postive I can think of at the moment. And he is not as stressed driving as he was here, *he wasn't stressed because of me or the house or kids, it is something else entirely, (our ds was killed, and the person who did that is still driving locally, and he has on occassion ran into him several times in stores and places, this person thinks he did nothing wrong, and it is stressful to know someone who killed your child is still driving and still believing they did nothing wrong despite the fact it is known that person was drinking and was speeding etc) being gone away from this area keeps my dh busy and his mind is focused on other things rather than when a court trial may come up, there are not any places locally hiring in his line of work, and where he had worked for around 15-16 years +/- closed down which is why he was looking for a job, and ended up taking this one.

Hopefully he will start making better, and I am trying to be supportive, and not worry him, and all that but some days it is just about impossible. And it is very hard imho especially if you have never ever since you have been married been apart a lot. And we haven't we have been married almost twenty five years, and never been apart more than a day until recently.

If you have some savings, are well stocked up on everything, (groceries, general household items) and you can stock his truck with enough groceries to last the entire time he is scheduled to be on the road, (he'll need a microwave, small crock pot, or something to cook in if at all possible) and either a cooler or small frig, for perishables, and he will have to be willing to not take cash advances to eat in the truck stops every day, eatting in the truck stops every day will make it so if he does get any kind of pay check it is all spent BEFORE you ever see anything, which can mean you have major problems at home, with all your regular bills, (house payments or rent, power, phone, insurance, etc)then if you have any kind of old debt (credit cards, school loans, car loans, medical bills etc, that you are trying to pay off, you may not have any to pay them at all, because as much as you may want to pay these other bills you still have to have some place to live, and power and water and phone are very nice to have, and you do need to eat, especially you dc.

Maybe if and when the economy improves pay checks will be better, but right now what I am seeing is not good and as I said above he has only had maybe two checks that were a little over $600.00 every other one was very low, his average has been just a little over two hundred and he has had a lot that were a lot less than that. He is only just this past month started getting better miles, the first several weeks he sat a lot, waiting on loads, then he got short trips, where the miles fell in such a way that they were not all on the same check, so if he did get good miles he would somehow or other not have all the miles for a load on the same check, I'm not sure exactly how that works, but basically he has to have all his miles in by a certain time on a certain day of the week, and if he doesn't then those miles go on the next weeks check. Or something.

Anyway, if you can get past the negatives and hold out and you don't mind him missing most of the important things it may work out, so far since my dh has been out he has missed our anniversary (first time since we were married) he has not been home for any holiday, he has missed all of the kids birthdays so far, and has missed anything special the kids have done, like the first time the boys sang solo at church, for instance, and basically he is just not here.

He is the one who has always fixed things around the house when they broke, now he is not here to fix things and we don't have enough saved to have someone fix what is broke, so we have to do without, (things like transportation, he is going to have to get someone to fix the car, and because of paying someone else it will cost a lot more than just him doing it himself). And I could go on and on.

But basically when you dh works at a job where he stays gone for days and weeks at a time it will be just like you are a single parent and at times it will just feel like he is a stranger passing through or something especially since he is gone so much, you'll never get to make plans to do anything special together as a family, where you have to preplan in advance, because you never really know when he'll get home.

If you try to make him doctors appointments it is likely he will miss those because of not getting routed home on the right day, and if you are depending on him to be home to take you to a doctors appointment for whatever reason you may miss it. As we just did with my dd, the doctor did see her the next day however, but the appointment was scheduled a year in advance, I didn't have any transportation or anyone I could call to take me to that appointment, we ended up borrowing a vechical to even get to the appointment once he got home. (The appointment was in a different town from where we live, calling a taxi would not of worked, and the vechical was not one that I can drive, I only drive small vechicals when I have to. I don't like driving, riding doesn't bother me, I just don't care to drive).

If your dh takes a otr job he will be gone a lot, and I don't believe that anyone can guarantee someone miles every week, because too many people I know who have been truck drivers for a long time are just barely making it, there is a lady at church who's dh has been driving about thirty years or so, and he is an 0/0 and they are just barely making enough to pay their truck payments, (he had just bought a new truck just before the economy decided to take a bad turn) his wife also works which is probably the only reason they are making right now, plus they probably saved during the years when it was better. They don't have any dependants so that may make things easier for them.

Imho unless you have another very good reason to take a job otr where you will stay gone a whole lot, now is not a good time to get into truck driving, unless you can afford or figure out a way to make everything work out until the economy as a whole gets better. It can be very stressful, and it is just not good at all based on what I have experienced so far.

But I always tell my dh that everythings fine except a couple of times I have just about lost it when I have had to try to make a ridiculously small pay check pay anything, and he say's he's trying to make things better, lol, (not really funny, but what can I do?)

I'm saving to get the car fixed, saving for a washer and hopefully I'll be able to get a job some place or other that will at least pay the bills that I need to keep everything running here, because the amount he has been getting is a real good way to make sure nothing gets caught up, and we just end up not being able to get straightened out financially.

But he says things will get better, lol.and maybe they will eventually, if I don't go crazy first, from stress of trying to figure out what to do about everything.

(this is my opinion based on my limited knowledge of this type work, not to mention this is the first time my dh has ever done this type of work since we have been married, my sister has friends who have or are driving who have a lot more years and experience so they make more money, and she is under the mistaken impression that truck drivers make a lot of money and tries to make out like I am lying or don't know what I am talking about, but I am the one who cashes all his checks, and I am the one trying to pay the bills on what is on that check, and so far it has not been good, and the check I am picking up today is only for a little over three hundred, this will not pay all the bills I need to pay this week, but it will pay a couple things, I'm not buying groceries this week, so I'll be able to save back part of this so maybe next week depending I'll be able to pay the rent, or hopefully the power bill, and wait on the rent, I'm not sure which I'll do at the moment.... anyway.

I hope this wasn't tmi, and if you and your dh really want to make things work I believe you can but I also believe it will be extremely stressful on you and your daughter, and it will be very hard getting used to him not being there when you need him there for whatever reason, and having no family support is hard, but not impossible if you have good friends to stand by and help you, I have one very good and dependable friend, that I have known most all of my life, without her help my dh and I would be having serious issues at the moment. And if I were younger than I am now, and not been through as much as I have over the last several years, this job he has taken would probably be the one to lead to divorce or something, but right now it has actually helped with some types of stress here, not financially but emotionally, which is at least something. And I have been told that eventually the economy will improve and things will get better, so we'll see.

Sorry so long, my dh just left this morning he was home long just for a few hours this weekend, I don't know exactly when he will be back he is on his way north, and will start the week out with good miles so maybe this will end up being a good week. I would like to see an 800 dollar check that would be very helpful, I haven't seen one like that yet.

 

From the standpoint of the children, it isn't as bad as many think. At least it wasn't for my siblings and I. We knew dad was a trucker, and being gone was part of the deal. Even when he was home, most of his time was spent maintaining his truck (he was an O/O). We never knew anything different. Also, it was explained to us early on that without that truck and dad running it we would not have the roof over our heads or the clothes on our backs.

My mother had full authority over the household and ran the office of Dad's trucking company.

Noteworthy mentions of growing up with a trucking father:

We were on the cutting edge of technology: car phones, then cell phones were used since their invention in our household.

Dad missed almost all of our ball games, school events, etc. The few he did get to go to were extra special though.

We would always get birthday cards sent from "far away" places, even if he was going to be home for the birthday.

We would alternate who got to ride with dad during school vacations.

Like many things, it's a double edged sword, he died on the road, suffering a massive heart attack while trying to repair a fuel leak at a rest stop. Because we were used to him being gone, it was easier to deal with his death. Not that it wasn't hard, but it would have been harder had we been used to seeing him every day. Kinda morbid, but it is based in experience.

Children can be surprisingly resilient. The unique lifestyle of trucking can be fine with them. Unless my family is wicked unusual. Normal often depends on the perspective.

Another point: my father was already trucking when he met my mother so she "knew the deal when she signed up" and her father's work often kept him on the road. This might have been an advantage with their relationship.

Good luck with your endeavors, regardless of the path you and he choose.

 

One thing that I am afraid of is my dh being killed in some kind of accident, I know only too well it could happen even at home. But imho the longer you're on the road the more opportunities for something bad to happen like a fatal accident or something.

My dc will probably be able to deal better with something bad if it happened than me, because they are younger.

Anyway, he wasn't a truck driver when I met him, and this is the first time he has been one, and hopefully he will not stay an otr for too many years. But if he does hopefully he will just be safe. And not get hurt, or killed, or anything like that.

And hopefully he will be able to get the car fixed soon.