One more noob for the road! The story begins...

In poker, it's called "tilt." In football, it's letting the last game beat you, or the last drive force you into doing something regrettable. In my world, its called Tuesday.

I debated not sharing the second half of my day because I am not in a great spot emotionally and I just don't want the grief. However, this is a way to share experience and if I pick pride over documenting, well I'm just that guy who leaves a damaged trailer for the next driver. That's not me. Maybe I'm about to head off a cliff, what good does it do the lemming behind me if I don't share?

So, I'm on my way to Pittsburgh on I-76 and its getting close to the end of my driving day (or so I thought), and I am checking out the parking at the travel plazas as I go down the road. "Do I stop at this one, or do I go to the next one and get closer to my stop?" Well, as my clock ticked towards one hour left I decided to stop at the next plaza at Sideling Hill.

Unfortunately, instead of the pull through spots I had hoped to see the truck lot was angled like cards in a shuffled deck. I lined up on a spot, felt good about the setup, GOAL, and started to back in. I wasn't happy with the way the trailer was moving so I pulled forward, got reset, and tried it again. What I didn't do was GOAL. Which I remembered as I heard the crunch.

I struck the front corner of a 2013 Freightliner with the back passenger drive of my tractor. Fortunately, there were no injuries and the tractor can be driven away. However, it is clear to me that I I'm on tilt. I let the incident spotting the trailer get in my head and I overcompensated thus screwing up.

The Pennsylvania State Patrol filled out a non reportable incident, not sure what that is. The trooper is going to issue me a warning. The call to @Kev's Sunshine was harder than the one to Safety.

So, to my veteran brethren, besides the obvious (GOAL) how do you get off tilt? Without sounding like a sad sack, I feel heartbroken. I feel like I've let my family down, jeopardized my employment, and just dug my hole deeper. I felt like I had found my career and I'm too experienced in the industry to be a super trucker but it sure feels like I'm about to jump in a phone booth.
Am I just not ready? I don't feel like I can't do the job. Or am I just too blind to the fact that I'm out here past W.E. Coyote?

I was thinking on my way here that the 2nd thing a new driver breaks is his confidence. Truer feelings have rarely been felt.

I'll update everybody when Safety calls....

 

First, thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. They all helped me get my chin off my chest and facing the hard work ahead.

It's 9:30 and I'm riding home with @Kev's Sunshine. Amos, the Big #### Truck is tucked away until Sunday. He and I heading towards Illinois for Monday after two challenging backing opportunities. I'm not really sure if the dispatch "team," is aware that Amos is a big boy and not a single axle daycab.

As for the conversation with Safety, I feel like I've been transported back to the time before lawyers. I put a call into my fleet manager after being given an assignment, figuring that Safety would want to bring me home from Pittsburgh to Columbus and park me. That's what I would have done in my dispatcher life [Darth Vader wheeze]. Not the case, as I was to find out.

I was transferred to the Columbus safety manager and she asked how long I had been on my own. She said that the Target training did me no real favor, as she has no doubt I could nail all four stores because of repetition. She also said that sending me to NJ on my second load was "ambitious." The two most important parts were that my mishaps were minor and regular growing pains as well as her impression that even after the day I had that she could hear in my voice that I wasn't ready to give up. So the verdict is that I'll end up back in training for a week.

I'm sure that is the precursor to a "last chance notice," but a last chance is still a chance! Also, it might give one of the shops a chance to do the necessary service on Amos, as well as the arm rest, CB antenna, and the 60+ mph vibration from one of the cabinets in the back. For those that remember the original Battlestar Galactica, it's reminiscent of a Cylon humming mile after mile...after mile.

As for me, the holiday gives me a chance to get off tilt, to reconnect with the loved ones that I support and who support me, and to shut down all the thoughts not related to the immediate task at hand: proving that I belong in this fraternity one GOAL at a time.

Happy Thanksgiving to you. Go Bucks, Beat M#######n!