Please help; too depressed, it won't STOP

>>>>a few times I actually considered running off the road and killing myself..

Don't take this the wrong way, but please quit and don't endanger yourself and others with such a large vehicle until you can get over this problem...You're obviously prone to act on these thoughts and it's not fair to everyone else on the road that you'll have a vehicle that can cause so much destruction under your control...

 

i tend to agree, but also if i understand correctly your employer/staff member is the woman? if so and if the USA have the same system as Australia, then why not put in a complaint agaisnt her go to a doctor and get paid stress leave, at least this way u will have the time and your employee will have to pay all medical cost for you to recover.

 

That's really not a good excuse to continue...What's the company?...Maybe they have someone we can refer you to there...

 

Have you talked to your doctor about this?

I felt the same way at times. Got 80,000 lbs, wouldn't take much to yank the wheel towards a bridge abutment, quick and easy. Everyone better off.

I finally got tired of feeling this way, and with my wife's urging, I saw the doc. Started taking an anti-depressant, made all the difference in the world. I still have my moments, but I'm light years from where I was.

GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR, PLEASE! It can make a world of difference. I didn't know how much people cared for me, and that the world wasn't such a bad place after all. All I saw was the darkside of things.

How much training time do you have left? It sounds like CRE is a majority of the problem.

 

Having been in the CRE situation, although not in training, I can seriously say that the stress level of work vs pay is enough to push a mentally strong person to wanting to do things - my outlet would have been assault, not suicide, but still - get out of the situation while you can.

Not to be conflicting in advice, but to go to CRE personnel with your issues would certainly result in a ruined career and DAC... so opting out on your own, the getting back in when you're better makes more sense.

 

Have you contacted your fiance about this??

If not, please do so immediately.....

 

Are you in a location/city where there might be public assistance available to you, and not just the suicide hotline?

Also take the advice of the above posters. I understand what you're going through...a close relative of mine suffers from severe depression and is sensitive to changes in medication. It's a constant battle.

 

I'm not going to say that my advice will necessarily work for you... but....

I used to be VERY depressed. I'm talking about the "not eating, rarely sleeping and body pain" kind of depressed.

It took me a long time, but I figured out how to make changes in my life to eliminate the catalysts that caused it. I still get mild depression now and then, but now it is sensible and under control. I took up music... I made better friends that are like-minded and don't wallow in self-pity.

I don't know what will work for you, but don't drive off the road... I know what it's like to think those kinds of thoughts and it is one hell of a scary place to be mentally.

Life is rough. Most people suck. Money sucks, especially if you have to work very hard for very little of it and can't get by.

You know what else I do? I download funny podcasts (I'm a fan of Kevin Smith - Smodcast.com) and I listen to all the various podcasts on that network. The guys on there are hilarious and whenever I'm feeling down, or just want to laugh a lot, I put on one of those while I'm out-and-about or even while I'm just relaxing at home while nobody else is here to hang out with.

Find your thing. My things are playing bass guitar, listening to music and podcasts, and surrounding myself with the coolest people I can. It might not sound like much, but my quality of life has improved exponentially since I made the changes!

I wish you the best of luck and stay in touch... let us know how you're doing. Depression is extremely serious. If you have any doubts, find a way to seek treatment.

I've had friends in the past that needed to be medicated. After a while, they were good without it and found other creative ways to deal with things. We're all different.. so you just have to find YOUR means of being happy or lessening depression.

Like I said. I'm no expert, but I always try to help!