Please help; too depressed, it won't STOP

Different subject, but applies here - you'll only be as successful as the people you surround yourself - have losers around you, you'll have drama. Drama creates stress, stress creates anger and/or depression.

I cull through my phone contacts and address book every once in a while to make sure to delete people who are more drama than the positives they bring to me as friends.

 

You want help right away, before you hurt someone else? Walk into a police department, put a knife to yourself, and tell them, what you said. You are going to comit suicide. Gaurantee you they will get you some help. I would rather see you do this, than hurt someone else. You are in need of some serious help. Probably one of the worst post I have ever read.

 

+1 on all the above.

Another thing I'll add, for the uninformed that typically want to say, "just suck it up"; depression isn't about feeling sad. Depression is a very real condition. I'm reluctant to call it a disability, or disease, but in all honesty, that's what it is. If someone has a broken leg or cerebral palsy or one of any number of other visible ailments/handicaps/etc., most people are sympathetic to the point of understanding why that person might not be able to do certain things. While there have been tremendous strides made in recognizing and treating depression and other mental illnesses, there is still a social stigma attached to it. Especially in a "macho" occupation like truck driving. Well, forget about that. Learn to block out or ignore those that will criticise you or are ignorant about your condition.

For myself (yes, I suffer from depression... fairly severe at times), I have found some absolute conditions that must be adhered to in order to keep life on an even keel; 1) sleep, 2) diet, and 3) exercise.

1. Lack of sleep, above anything else, makes me think crazy thoughts. Okay, maybe not really crazy, but not well. PROPER sleep is vital. In my case it is as necessary as oxygen. If I start feeling off-kilter I can usually trace it back to poor sleeping habits. That is something that makes it tough in this business due to the odd hours, pressure, poor sleeping conditions, etc. I ran team for a while and found that while I could generally sleep okay, it was wiping me out and left me with a very poor quality of life. I didn't want to kill myself, but I did want to kill my co-driver... that's another thread though. So I decided that I am going to sleep when necessary and I make sure that I get a good sleep; I set the temperature in my truck just right, I put in earplugs and I make sure that short of someone running into my truck, I will not be disturbed. I also take micro-naps as, or if, needed. This is something I struggle with though because I was the king of working two and three day stints on very little sleep. On top of that, I am a night-owl too.
2. When it comes to diet I have found it very important to eat properly. Very little junk food and next to no sugar. Eating regularly and smaller meals (5-6 times per day) has been a huge help. My mood can take some really severe swings if I don't eat properly so, again, that's something that has to be monitored. In fact, to be perfectly honest, I have lost jobs for lack of a PB&J sandwich... six-figure income jobs.
3. Exercise has so many benefits it is impossible to list them all. With respect to depression though, I have found that aside from the obvious benefits, it has a tremendous "cleansing" effect on the brain. When you exercise there are body-created chemicals that are released which have very positive mood-altering effects... better than drugs.

Speaking of drugs, my position is to only take them if absolutely necessary. In my case, I have found by rigorously monitoring the three items mentioned above, I can forgo the drugs with only very occasional short-term application in order to get me back on track. However, that may not work for you and you will very definately want to seek professional help. Ideally you will have access to an EAP through a benefits program whereby you can seek properly qualified help. Even if you don't have an EAP, please go see your doctor. And I would push the doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist... if nothing else, you'll see how normal you are.

Honestly, I wish you the best of luck, it is a tough situation to be in, especially when so few people are understanding of your condition. If there is ANYTHING I can do to help, PM me please.

Above all, know that you are not alone. There are many of us and we care about you even if we have never met.

 

i was diagnosed with severe depression too, anger, anxiety, it used to eat at me alive. this is going to sound very harsh but the only way to confront problems are to deal with them, and i dont mean it in a "suck it up and deal with it". depression sucks, feels like you're trapped in a prison with no escape and each day that passes death looks a lot easier but when you come out of it, its so much better. life isnt some fairy tale, but when you arent depressed, life is pretty decent. its hard work staying positive. i am a very strong anti pill person so you're not gonna hear me tell you get on pills, they did more bad for me then anything.


maybe you came from a rough up bringing or whatever, but you're depressed for a reason and you have the power to change it. pills only do so much, they can only numb so many feelings. maybe for you to get out of being depressed you gotta talk to more friends, or talk to more people, maybe work out a bit, do something constructive, clean the truck, take a walk, whatever it is, you have to force your brain to stop thinking in a depressed state. its rough its hard it took me over 5 years when i stopped taking the pills the doctors gave me to even realize i have the power to change my out look on life, and i have control over depression and all the other things. i had enough of being my own worst enemy, waking up everyday wishing i had died, its a tough road. i got so sick of it i did everything and anything other then alcohol or drugs. music played a big role for me too, either way, i'm assuming something is causing it, be it work, money, living, family, whatever. take a long hard look at yourself and what it is, and talk a bout it and if you can change it then do it, a big part of coming out of depression for me was being ok with what i have, right now, at this moment, and if something bad happened, it happened and i'll move right on. hope some of this helps.

 

Go to the emergency room of a public hospital and tell them what you've told us. There's no shame in a diagnosis of depression. You must consider the potential danger you pose to others, not to mention to yourself. If you think about it, you have no rational choice other than to get help and to get help immediately. Your depression will not go away without qualified medical intervention.

 

The only thing I'll mention is that depression can have any one of, or combination of, causal factors. One of them can be a permanent chemical imbalance in the brain that requires ongoing medical treatment and might not have anything to do with environment (upbringing, work, etc.), or environnmental conditions are only symptomatic, rather than causal. In other cases cognitive therapy may provide the sole solution, or a combination of medical and cognitive could be required.

In your case it is good that you have a program or method that works for you without the use of drugs. As I mentioned, I am not fond of drugs either, but in some cases they are necessary.

 

i see ur a student in phx what school are u attending and what company are u applying to?

 

Is applebrown right? Are you in Phoenix? If so, pm me your location and I will come and get you right now.

 

Depression is a disease, but as stated above, it can't be seen as obviously as a physical impairment.

I also live with depression/anxiety. I used to suffer from it. I don't like drugs, either, but they were the only thing that worked for me. I finally found a doctor that actually listened to me and heard what I was saying. All my docs would prescribe an anti-depressant, but there was still feelings that didn't get better.

The day I felt I was having a heart attack was the day my doctor gave me a script for anxiety to go with the anti depressant. Since then, I cope much better with my situation. I don't take the anxiety med daily, I only take it when things get too out of control. I don't let it get to the "heart attack" stage. I've learned the signs that I'm getting close and stop them before they start.

Please, there is help out there, and yes, there is a stigma attached with this disease, but you can control it. Don't let it ruin your life, or the lives of innocent people. There are a lot of people here who also deal with this disease. You'll find there a people who will talk with you, listen to you, and do what they can to help. You have to start with helping yourself.

 

We've got to get into your background. Can you tell me where you're from, how things went early on, school, family life etc.?

We can do PM or here if you want. Either way is cool.