RE: helping the son thread

Tough love is a necessary function of raising a child into a responsible adult .

 

Im sorry to her that . I didn't have the situation u did i reckon . As i've stated b4 i think , i put my daughter thru college and my son thru a wall . U dont get to come in drunk , 2hrs late and hit the fridge like a wild animal . You get to ride the bus for rest of the year and go nowhere .

 

I very well might. If I did, I'm sure I'd get the same responses he did. I wouldn't say the things to him that some people said, but this is a forum, not my personal blog. When someone comes here for advice, they're going to get the full range of attitudes and opinions. Bottom line, the posters who were harsh with him represent a lot of the people his son is going to run into looking for work. He came here to see what his son's prospects are for finding a CDL job. He left realizing the answer is probably not very good. I'd say the forum did its job.

 

Still needs to be answered tho.

No, I would not. In the other thread, dad was probably the one that bought his kid the car that he ran from cops in. Now dad is trying to get his son get a job. He is coddling his son. That’s usually the mistake that women make with their sons. Makes for a really weak and irresponsible adult male.

I would never buy my son a car. Why? Because, you buy a boy a car, he doesn’t appreciate it as much as he would if he bought it himself. He will wreck it. If a boy wants a car, he need to get a job and buy it himself. He gets himself in trouble with the law, he needs to figure out how to get out of trouble. Boy will grow into a Man only if he learns to be responsible.

 

I respectfully disagree about some of that. No way I'd buy a kid a car but reread post 1 and then reread 27. You're assuming way too much.

IMO Dad's assumption is that he found a group of mature men that he could bounce some ideas off of and the totally heartless showed up. The Dads of most of the kids we see in modern society (that repeatedly do what his kid did once) are not present. They just aren't around. This Dad sees that his job isn't done and was asking for some guidance and probably just to vent a and commiserate a little. I think most people assumed by his thread title that he was looking for a handout. I don't think he was, once again reread post 27.

After he got so much flack he lost his #### as most of us probably would when the mob forum mentality let loose.

I've got two great kids that have walked a straight line. I believe in and practice tough love. I've got a good friend who raised his (with mine) just the same and both are pretty much totally worthless.

The assumption that the parents are always enablers, helicopters or just not good parents is wrong.

 

If you come home and see a first gen F100 in the driveway that barely runs, three on the tree, and you can turn wrenches well, how would you help your daughter fix this truck? She’s never turned a wrench before but decides that she’s in love with that old truck. Would you do the legwork and research or would you tell her to do it? I understand wanting to help your kid, but doing the legwork for your kid isn’t helping them.

BTW, I didnt post in that thread. They ALWAYS end badly

 

IMO Dad is frustrated because his son is off to a bad start at life and can't/won't get himself onto a better path. Deep down, he knows that his son is only putting in the minimum effort right now, and probably doesn't really want to be a driver. That's why dad came here himself instead of sending the link to his a son and telling him to ask for help. He was hoping he could go back with as specific of a recommendation as possible because he knows his son is looking for any excuse that it won't work.

Honestly, I think he maybe even hoped that everyone would be really nice to him because he wants to believe that society hasn't already made up its mind and can be forgiving. Yes, I'm sure he took personal offense at a lot of what was said, as would anyone in his position, but I think it cut him deeper than that because it showed him how many people in the real world will view his son now.

I'm not defending everything that was said, I wouldn't have said a lot of it, but they were all opinions that his son is going to have to navigate for the next few years. Nobody wants that for their kid. It is what it is, though.