Simulated “day in the life” and simulated firing

My new custom trailer was finally ready to be picked up after 13 excruciating weeks of waiting. I had to drive 5.5 hours to the Douglas, GA, factory to get it. I figured it would be a good test to see how I liked the life of a trucker.

So, up at 3:30 am CST, dressed, teeth brushed, chickens taken care of, out the door with no coffee and wheels turning by 4 am.

An hour down the road on I-10, I’m slapping my face when my eyes start crossing. I then start focusing on the low back pain I inexplicably got a couple days before for no apparent reason other than the fact that I wore long pants for the first time this year.

The lower back pain has been screwing with my sleep big time. Not only that, but an important appointment the next morning usually prevents me from getting a good night’s sleep due to fear of over sleeping. That was good simulation of a fatigued trucker whose sleep has been disrupted.

Anyway, the back pain helped keep me awake while I bent, twisted, and thrust in the seat trying to get a little relief.

The beautiful twilight helped keep me awake, and I was able to go from Pensacola to Tallahassee safely while I cursed all the truckers—because you told me to—parked on exit ramps and on ramps. Dozens and dozens of them. Everywhere. Arseholes!

Finally, a trucker’s favorite breakfast: Bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit and a large coffee. As the caffeine began coursing through my veins, and my hunger was satiated, the miserable grogginess went away, leaving only the back pain and now throbbing knees to occupy my mind. If I could only stretch my leg out in between the gas pedal and brake pedal...ah, there we go...feels good...hope a deer doesn’t jump in front of me.

Interstates pretty much suque, but I really enjoy the back roads through the rural south. Quaint little towns with old brick streets, acres of rusting, derelict farm tractors for sale or salvage, endless fields of cotton ready to be harvested, abandoned boiled peanut stands, Dollar Generals. Hey, this isn’t too bad. Second big cup of coffee and I’m alert and enjoying the drive.

I paid for the trailer, did a pre-trip and discovered that only the right turn signal worked, but apparently I wasn’t holding my mouth right when I plugged in the Bargeman, because the yard worker unplugged it, blew on it, and plugged it back in. Worked perfectly after that.

Same experience on the backhaul, except now the four-wheelers were out in force on the interstate. I’m governed at 65 mph because I don’t trust Chinese trailer tires that tend to explode and wreck your fender above that speed, but bunched-up groups of cars going 15 miles over the speed limit, jockeying for position buzzed me every mile of the way back. I also got buzzed from behind by semi’s doing 75 and waiting until the last possible moment to move to the passing lane.

Now, I’m three hours from home, my back, elbows, and knees are throbbing from sitting for so long. I want to stop and stretch out, but I remember the admonition to “keep your left door shut.” I press on further, but by 2 pm, I need some comfort in the form of an Arby’s Greek gyro sandwich and curly fries. Calories expended today sitting in a truck: 1575. Calories consumed: 3200.

I tightened the lug nuts, did a walk-around, fueled up, and continued down the road.

About 45 minutes from home, my right gluteus maximus starts cramping up a little. Awwww! Knees, elbows, low back, and now my arse muscle! And my 11 hour clock is about to run out!

Fifteen minutes from home, my 11 is done. I say, screw it, and PC the rest of the way home. After doing a pretty darn good blind side back and shutting down, I finish the rest of my 14 sipping on a bourbon and coke, made a social media post that my company spies saw. I was fired via text message before my first drink was done.

Seriously, I don’t think I could repeat that over and over and over for weeks at a time. Takes a special breed. I salute you all.

Here’s my new rig. Matches my truck pretty nicely. I’ll deliver a big set of cabinets I sold recently. And remember, if you’re backing up, you’re getting paid (except in the case of flatbeds and car carriers IIRC).