Swift - Starting the New Year training with Swift 1/7/13 - A long read...

Haha trucking dating brothers for sure. I may eventually have to try overseas dating as well. If this isn't working.

I do genuinely think technology doesn't always help. Gives almost too many options and almost allows too many options. Although I'm a hypocrite too because that's how I've met the last few people. With the assistance of technology.

 

I'm going to start doing that. Really good idea.

And you are right about the old Prostate. Always heavy on the steers.

 

Yeah that run out to the Oregon coast takes forever. Scenic but slow!

 

Pilot in Winnemucca, NV. 2344 miles in the past 7 days (including today). Average miles have been low due to grades and weight - about 350 miles per day.

Tomorrow morning I'm on the final leg up to Hermiston, OR to deliver this load. They already put another preplan on me which is good but unfortunately it is picking up from the Pilot nearby in Stanfield and going back out to Toledo, OR to the Georgia Pacific plant. I'm guessing that I would pick up another load out of GP and it would probably be going back down to California.

I asked one of the DMs if he could see about getting me out of this holding pattern I'm in. I've done nothing but run up and down I-5 for the past weeks. Miles are good and for that I am happy. But I keep seeing the same road over and over again and I'm about ready to see something different. I thought this last load that I'm currently on that took me out here through Nevada would break the holding pattern but it looks like I'm getting thrown back into it again. Otherwise this is a great load.

It probably wouldn't matter as much if California and Oregon didn't have these freakin 55 mph limits but it starts to get annoying. When you're driving 500 miles a day it seems to add up.


Interpersonal relationships on the road are tough - no doubt...

On the personal note, there has been some tension in the long distance relationship with Miss N. Carolina. This is proving to be distracting and it's messing with my outlook on things. I'm cranky, sad and generally my head is messed up.

When she returned from Maryland with her family she acted different. This is what happened last time. It got me nervous so I bugged out a little and mentioned that she seemed different. She claimed she wasn't being any different. Then she disappeared for a day (yesterday) altogether. I sent her flowers and balloons to her work for her birthday today. She thanked me but I wasn't really feeling the love. It wasn't cheap and I added the tip for the driver onto the bill so she wouldn't have to worry about it. I was doing my best to be thoughtful but I don't know.

I asked her to call today so we could touch base on what was going on with both of us. She refused to call me and we were left with discussing things via text - probably the most impersonal communication method possible. Man, how I hate text messaging sometimes. I asked her if she wanted to be with me and she said she now needs time to think. My heart dropped. I really don't know what I did wrong and while sitting in a pullout on the side of Walker Lake here in Nevada I poured it all out - the anxiety over the misunderstanding, the miscommunication, etc. When I asked if she wanted me to step back and just contact me when she is ready her response was "I'm not sure". Whatever that means. Ambiguity kills me.

There's a big part of this that bothers me. I want to be with her. I care about her a lot. But I don't want to sit on trial for days or even weeks. For some reason, this whole thing is causing me a ton of stress and a lot of anxiety. Usually people don't affect me this way but I guess when it is someone you care about this much, this is what happens.

I feel kind of like a punk at the moment. She's going out over the weekend with her friend while I'll be driving and thinking about what the future holds for us. There's a big part of me that wants to just say "screw it, let's end this and put me out of my misery so I can move on". And then there's a smaller, fairly strong part of me that wants to hold out, give her space and hope that favors us staying together.

Without a doubt, truck driving and relationships do not mix well. I can see how if you have a significant other that understands what our job is and stands by us. But to meet someone new, catch some pretty severe feelings for them, yet not be there at all to physically assure them and secure the relationship, is tough. I don't know how you guys and gals do it when you have disagreements on the road with your significant other and have to work it out over the road. Whereas other non-truck drivers can occupy their time with busy stuff, we drivers are stuck on the road dwelling, thinking, rethinking, rehashing and generally driving ourselves nuts over interpersonal conflicts. This one is driving me nuts and I need to get my head straight soon as I have this trip coming up and leaving Swift temporarily to deal with.

Pretty soon I'm going to just give up on relationships altogether, stop sharing feelings and just be that guy that is looking for the hook up.

 

It's been a tough situation for sure. I don't blame her.