Swift - Starting the New Year training with Swift 1/7/13 - A long read...

Haha...no clue? That's maybe the best way sometimes. As long as it works, that's most important. Congrats on 38 years!

 

Good advice. The next day we started to mend things. That night when I ended things was a rough night for both of us.

That is true about it taking a special woman to stand by you while you are out on the road, gone for so long. She is definitely special and I've been fortunate to have her giving this a shot.

The dad, is a good father from what I am told and it seems like he is. He is a very active part of their family. It just didn't work relationship wise with Brandi and him. I guess seeing how that would work out with the birth father would be seen sometime in the future when we cross that bridge. I haven't even met the kids yet other than a quick "hello" the to the oldest when she had to pick something up from the ex's house. But I would never try and replace him. Not sure what my role would be as this is all new to me.

One thing she and I have discovered is that OTR in the sense of being gone for weeks DOES NOT work for us. Really at the end of this last tour out on the road things were unraveling pretty quickly and almost daily. It always seemed to come back to a mixed message in tone when it came to texting and even in phone conversations. There was always some issue revolving around texting or phone. We were doing so well at first with making that work but towards the end of this last time out OTR every conversation seemed to become an argument. The stress of being away from each other was too much so I think this next move with Epes is the right one, even more now.

I agree about anything worth having is worth fighting for. I like the analogy about putting fuel in her tank and fixing those flats. I have discovered that it is definitely worth it.

The most difficult thing about people getting together in their 40's, especially after a divorce , is that they hold fast in their ways of doing things and mentality. It is harder to change and compromise. Although we are compatible we both are stubborn to some degree. That's what we have to continue to work on. As of right now though, things are great again with her and I have seen her since I got of the road and turned my truck in.

 

Got to Richmond a little early on this past Monday. Unloading the truck took most of the day and it was hot!!! Sweltering. I rented a small U-Haul to get all the stuff out of there. Unreal how much crap I had packed inside that truck.

I never did hear back from my terminal manager about opportunities with Swift which is ok. I don't think they would have had the opportunity to get me home for a 34 each week, keep me local OTR and pay me as much. Plus that nagging issue of those cameras is still in the back of my mind.

Truck is now turned in, keys handed over and I am officially off Swift's payroll. My orientation with Epes beings Monday. They rented a car for me to drive down to Greensboro, NC and I'm picking it up tomorrow morning. I will use it to drive down on Sunday and then turn it in at the airport once I arrive.

Monday starts orientation with physicals, driving test and paperwork. Standard orientation fare. Tuesday is presentations and training. Wednesday is supposed to be a short day, hire day and wrapping things up. Quick and simple.

Driving down to see Brandi tomorrow to spend the afternoon and the night with her. Looking forward to that. Sunday she will see me off to start the drive down to North Carolina.

 

Yes fr8, it is definitely too hard OTR. Like I said before, I have a lot of respect for all of you guys and gals that can do it. I know I can't.

I think the idea of the "love cups" is an awesome one. And how true. There are definitely those days where we feel that cup is low, even some days when that cup is low probably just because of the type of day we are having. I think that sometimes our S.O. doesn't know when that cup is low and it's best to let them know it needs some filling.

I think that is a fantastic idea and I kind of wish I had adopted something like that in the past.

 

Thank Akula! I will definitely post it here if I start a new thread. I think for now, if the mod's allow it, I'm going to continue posting here. It's just easier and, honestly, I miss the Swift comradarie. I feel like I'm no longer part of the group but these past 2.5 years have been pretty amazing.

 

Brandi...off again and so soon. It's a shame.

Well that was quick. Not poking fun at this situation but it happened again. Another blow up and another ending once again. To compare it to a roller coaster would be too easy and too simple but it happened again and the clacking of the ascent up to another big drop resulted in a plummeting freefall to the bottom once again. #### how I hate that drop sometimes.

I post this stuff because it's life and it's honest. Either I have no shame, I have no filter, I just don't care or I feel the need to document this stuff because memory gets fuzzy and soft over time and if I don't write it the blade will become dull. Maybe it's a little bit of my own self-induced therapy.

I woke up this morning to make the final preparations for orientation. The plan was that I would wake up, pick up the rental car Epes was providing for my trip down to Greensboro, NC, pack that final bag of clothes and head over to meet Brandi. She had a day planned, very thoughtful of her, and we were going to watch my sis's house down in Norfolk tonight since sis and her family were at a campground for bro-in-law's father day. Brandi and I would spend the day together, making up for some lost time over the past 5+ weeks. Finally, a day together just being together. We needed this. I needed this. She had loosely planned for us to meet this afternoon at 12 noon, take a drive to look at some neighborhoods, maybe somewhere where we would live in the future, as I had asked about these places and she was familiar. Then we would grab some lunch, a place she had chosen, some dinner later at another place she chose, and then a meet up at a bar with some of her close friends. Some drinks and we would wrap up the night at my sister's house, house watching and in each other's arms. That end result being the place we both loved so much.

Last night there was a little tension, mostly from my end. A little issue, not so little to me, came up again and I went to bed uncomfortable. This morning I woke up not feeling so great about what had transpired so instead of being overly lovey I just jumped into what needed to be done as far as errands go, and I kept communication to a minimum while I ran around picking up the rental car, buying my dad's Father's Day gifts, taking care of transferring my final Swift paycheck from the Comdata card to my checking account, wrapping up my dad's gifts and packing up that final bag. In the meantime, she got restless. I was running behind and I wasn't communicating the delays enough to her. She was waiting on me. We got on the phone and she was pissed. We still couldn't see eye to eye or agree on things from the previous night and from the delays today. I felt disrespected last night and she felt disrespected today. At that point who knows who was right. It was tense. At one point she said for me not to even come down but after some deliberation on her part, she said to head down to see her and make the best of what remained of the day. So after more delay I packed that last bag and started to head down to see her.

I-64 was a hot mess. It always is but today was especially bad with the summer traffic heading down to the VA Beach shore. Traffic was moving at slower than walking speed and I tried to return her missed call from right before I left. I called her and called her again. About 5 times I called and got no answer. I could hear the distinctive "beep" when the phone rang on her end indicating that she was on the other line. Obviously she was pissed and ignoring my calls. Sometime before I got to the Hampton Bridge Tunnel thing on I-64, she called back. Traffic had stopped again. We both yelled our points, I was called names again (not my favorite of things), my manhood was questioned by her (definitely another low blow, a jab), hypotheticals brought up by me about me being broken down on the side of the road and not being able to reach her, and we yelled some more. Over the course of sitting forever in the traffic and calling her and getting no answer, I left a message the final time saying that if I didn't hear back from her that I was going to turn around and head back the way I came. I didn't want to sit in 2 hours of summer traffic if she was ignoring me and I didn't even know if she was still waiting for me. This angered her and when she said that if I wanted to turn around, I should do it. I didn't but she was in an awful mood at this point, screaming into the phone about how I ruined the day, insult after insult. I stressed the point that whereby I screwed up, but with no intention on messing up, she was getting even with me by ignoring me and saying stuff just to be meanspirited. She hung up on me over and over, telling me to turn around and go back, she wouldn't be there waiting for me at my sis's house. I asked her to please calm down and just slow it down a little. This was out of control. She couldn't. She was too heated. I had enough. In a pause in the conversation I told her that I wished her to take care and goodbye. In the few seconds of peace I realized that this was all too much. I can understand being mad but the name calling, the coldness was just too much, too soon in a relationship. This is new and if this is the way it is now, what is to come in the future? What is to come after engagement? After marriage? I am sorry this didn't work because I honestly felt that she was "the one".

I'm far from perfect. There's so much more to this story that I won't write here. Just stupid stuff, bickering, misunderstanding, miscommunication etc. I think that sometimes things start out too fast, they burn too fast like a match only to burn out just as fast leaving behind the putrid smell of sulfur and severe disappointment. I really thought she was that one that would keep burning.

I took the next exit, before I hit the tunnel and turned around. I want3ed to be around those that love me for this imperfect mess that I am and I went to see my sis and her family. I spent the night sitting on the back of their minivan, rear door swung open, me sitting next to my bro in law smoking a cig and talking about whatever watching a game of cornhole played by the Puerto Ricans that rented the cabin next poor to their cabin. It helped. I left as the fireflies came glowing by and the KOA was about to play a movie to distract my nieces. Thanks God for family. It was time to leave.

To stay positive I look to the future. I'll miss Brandi but I'm going to renew and reposition my focus on this new life out here in Virginia. I'm going to join a 24 hour gym near where I'll picking up from the DC in Chesapeake, hit the gym hard and work on bettering myself. Maybe start planning on the next adventure for my motorcycle. Panama? Argentina? Life is nothing but a series of chapters and this one has ended. On to new things. Tomorrow I leave for North Carolina and orientation.