Swift - Starting the New Year training with Swift 1/7/13 - A long read...

Discussion in 'Swift' started by DocWatson, Jan 3, 2013.

  1. DocWatson

    DocWatson Road Train Member

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    Argggggggg......Women!

    I don't know what is wrong with me these days. I just don't know why I have absolutely no patience for women anymore.

    I don't necessarily feel that I have baggage, per se, from my exwife but there is definitely something going on with me these days when it comes to the other sex.

    I am talking with three different women at this time and I can barely handle one. I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what I want anymore. Well, ok, I know what I want but most women want more from a relationship than what I want out of it. I'm selfish, impatient and I have little to offer in the form of a stable relationship.



    #1 - N.C.

    I'm still talking to this girl in N. Carolina that lives just over the Virginia border. I don't even remember what moniker I gave her but she has been in my life socially for the past 1.5 years. I went out with her for dinner before my trip and again once when I returned. She is cool. No complaints. I talk to her on my off time via text everyday. She is cool. We like a lot of the same things. She is funny. ########, good job, level headed. I'm supposed to meet up with her on my next hometime coming up in Virginia. Thanks to the Seahawks Superbowl loss (she is from New England and unfortunately a Pats fan) I owe her a night of drinks on me. I also owe her a movie from a different bet a while back. But nothing physical has happened there between us. Maybe some shyness or my inability to determine the appropriate time. Who knows. But I'll give her this, she has stayed in contact with me from almost the time I started this job. It doesn't seem to affect her and she wants to see me. Weird. But ok...


    #2 Washington - my ex-fiancé

    This is the girl that brought me to Washington. We have been off and on again for about 15 years. At some point we were engaged. She recently spent the night with me in my truck so that relationship is physical. But she is alcoholic, the same problem that has always caused our relationship's downfall, and that issue still pops its head up in the relationship to this day. She is a great person otherwise and someone I'm very comfortable with.


    #3 Washington - someone I messed around with once in my other job resulting in a severe tongue lashing by my boss because I can't follow the company policies on manager/employee relations...

    Oh this one was a spicy one. I was the loss prevention/safety guy in my past life and a member of upper management. She was a head cashier that liked to wear low cut shirts and had a smile that got me everytime. We flirted and during a post-inventory get together at a bar we hooked up in a back porch area within minutes of her arrival. Then at the bar. Then outside around the corner from the other coworkers. Then at her car. We stopped it there. Within days, due to the way gossip floats around the sales floor in a retail setting, I was sitting in front of a red-faced store manager who chewed me a new one. Not my boss but someone I respected enough. So it ended there. Kind of. Maybe one more meetup at a bar sometime down the road. But that was it. For 9 years.

    And then this past week she sent me a friend request on Facebook. I accepted. Within hours we were messaging each other, then texting then phone calls. And that has continued everyday now for what seems like 15 weeks yet has only been a few days. I just can't handle this stuff anymore. She wants so much already from me, at least in my mind. It's actually not much but she is already kind of jealous of my exwife since my exwife was so much younger than me. She is already borderline complaining about my job and the fact that I'm never around. It's not really complaining yet but I can see it just around the corner. It's right there.

    As a matter of fact, she is messaging me on Facebook right now and here I am writing this instead. That's what's wrong with me. She's a sure thing when I return to Washington. She has already said so and sends me wonderful pictures to my cellphone that confirm this. But it's not free. There will be conditions. Emotions. Attachments and informal relationship contracts of some type. There always is. And I guess that's the way it's supposed to be.



    So I don't know what all this is. Maybe I just spend too much time in a truck and there is too much solitude that I've gotten used to over these past few years. Even before I started this lifestyle my life was pretty much full of nothing but solitude. But I find myself less patient with women in general. I find myself cringing whenever I see a guy giving something up close to him for the sake of a relationship. What dear? You don't like motorcycles? Sure I'll buy that minivan and sell my bike. What? Don't go out with my friends and drink? Ok dear, I'll stay home here with you while you are hormonal and picking me apart. No, it's not for me. I don't have a solution. I'm less willing to compromise much anymore. When I stress this to them they seem to be ok with it for about 5 minutes then slowly they start trying to work it their way.

    The only thing I think about these days is my family. I think about how I can relocate to Virginia and how I can do things for my family. I think about my motorcycles and where I want to take them. Sometimes I think about the dogs I used to share my life with. But women? No, I don't really think about them so much other than the occasional and convenient hook up. I guess I'm a family oriented dog these days.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2015
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  3. JOHNQPUBLIC

    JOHNQPUBLIC Road Train Member

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    Women are like a flower garden. You tend to them by nurturing and giving them attention which works for awhile. Then you think, look at this blooming flower garden, everything looks good. So you kind of go on cruise control and slack off a bit on the nurturing and attention. Or what worked before does not seem to work now because the flowers start flip flopping on what makes them bloom. Eventually they wilt.

    Women are A LOT of work. I have 2 daughters with a woman who I was with for 10 years. The flower garden was good for awhile. We owned a house and were basically living as married except we were not. She seemed good without being married and other than the formality it was the same. All of a sudden she wants to end it and eventually does a few months later. Two weeks after she moves into her own place I found out the real reason she left, one of her friend's brother's had started tending to the flower garden and giving more nurturing attention.

    I eventually started dating the woman I am now married to. I figured I better do the marriage thing since not doing it before eventually blew up on me. I actually wanted to this time. I was older and wiser. I do my best to take care of this flower garden but it takes constant attention and effort. Sometimes to the point I'd just rather be alone.

    If this relationship goes south and we divorce, I do not think I have the energy or interest in playing the relationship game anymore. Especially starting from scratch so I know how you feel. Good luck.

    As a side note, my daughters are now 17 & 14 (going on 15). They are tons of work emotionally that I know a son would never be. Would not trade them for the world, just saying. My wife has 2 daughters as well so I have been drowning in an estrogen ocean for awhile now.
     
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  4. DenaliDad

    DenaliDad Retired Wheel Dog

    "But she is alcoholic, the same problem that has always caused our relationship..."

    Perhaps you are her enabler. Don't be. It will be healthier for both of you.
     
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  5. MsJamie

    MsJamie Road Train Member

    I think that it's been over a year for me. I sleep in the truck, even when I'm at home. Aside from the hassle of moving my CPAP and all the other stuff into the house, my old bed is simply not as comfortable.

    And speaking as an estrogen-based life form, I will tell you that the most important thing is for you to be honest. With others, and especially with yourself. If a relationship starts going in a direction that you are not able to go, you need to speak up before things get out of hand. Some women are fine with a primarily physical relationship, others are not. Each of you will have to define your own space and how your relationship works.

    I have friends all over the country. Some of those friendships are primarily physical (FWBs), others are for emotional support. (We're funny that way.) One is both. Everybody knows about everyone else, and is okay with it. I've had friendships drift away because of that; they're the ones that get a Christmas card and maybe a call on their birthday. They wanted a kind of relationship that I simply was not willing (or able, as a trucker) to provide. A good friend in one of the above-listed categories will be getting on my truck in a few weeks to team drive with me, so that's going to shift the dynamics a bit. Such things keep life interesting. :)
     
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  6. Rattlebunny

    Rattlebunny Medium Load Member

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    Elkton, VA
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    Hey Doc, similar situation. Was stuck in Houston yesterday and was supposed to be in Richmond for home time today. Needless to say that didn't happen.

    I did, however get to add another customer to my growing list of places I'd rather avoid in the future. Let's just say that the dock workers at this place are like the three stooges on acid trying to thread a needle with a pitch fork and a damp sponge. And there's about 60 of them. It's a container to trailer trans load place and after four hours I found out that the container I was waiting on hadn't been taken off the ship yet. Arrrrgh!!

    Good times.
     
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  7. Lepton1

    Lepton1 Road Train Member

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    That right there is genius! LMAO!

    The balance of your comments are wise.
     
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  8. WitchyWomen

    WitchyWomen Medium Load Member

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    Doc, I'm crazy, Steve loves me because I'm crazy, or is it the wild kinky sex? I can't remember, but I have always said it's about finding someone who's stuff you can put up with, who will also put up with your stuff. Why do you leave a relationship? You aren't putting up with that sh uh stuff no more. Be honest about what you want to yourself and them. It doesn't help when the woman you are with thinks she can handle it but then can't or thinks she can change you but can't. At the very least you were honest. A recently divorced poly friend of mine dislikes saying "you won't be the only romantic or sexual partner I have, monogamy doesn't work for me" but the next step is making them live with it, he loses some then too. He like you needs a woman who accepts him as is. Don't feel bad if you want to get off the woman roller-coaster for a while. We'll be here when you want to get back on.
     
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  9. scottied67

    scottied67 Road Train Member

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    As an estrogen challenged lifeform, I have no answers for you....
     
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  10. MsJamie

    MsJamie Road Train Member

    I know exactly how he feels. Being poly, I hate having "that talk" with someone I'm really just getting to know. Fortunately, polyamory is becoming more mainstream, so the interval between explaining what poly means to "You mean it's OK with you if I see other people?" is getting shorter. :)
     
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  11. DocWatson

    DocWatson Road Train Member

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    That's a really good analogy. They are like a flower and if you don't put in the work they wilt. I know that was part of my problem with my exwife. But I think that went both ways.

    Starting all over again sucks for sure. It is not an easy road.


    That is partially true. She knows how I feel about the alcohol and we have gone round and round with this. At this point I don't really have a solution for it. She has addiction in her genes and in her family. What really bothers me about it is how it embarrasses her. I really don't even bring it up anymore with her because I know it hurts her. It's like she is powerless over it. But it also has really ill affects on her physical well being as well as emotional. It's really a convoluted situation with her. I'm probably closer with her and more comfortable with her than any other woman but I know this will never end well.

    I won't drink with her anymore but I know her well enough that I can tell when she has been drinking just by her text messages, definitely by her phone calls and some of the crazy stuff she will post on my Facebook account. I wish I had a better solution for her situation but I guess I just don't know what to do anymore. She really is a good person at heart, despite the drinking. Totally two separate things.



    I definitely try to be upfront and honest about what I want out of a relationship. It's not always the easiest thing to do though. I think FWB is the most ideal for me at this time so I see where you are coming from.

    I understand completely about being most comfortable in our trucks. I'm that way too. I prefer it over a hotel room, I can tell you that. Although this current time outside the truck at my family's house is welcomed. Just need that change in scenery and I absolutely LOVE actually having a bathroom this close. Funny how something that would seem so insignificant to others outside the trucking business is important to us. I'm happy I don't have to get dressed and walk across some parking lot to use the bathroom. We lead somewhat crazy lives when you think about it.




    I'm curious about this place. I hate places like that and do my best to avoid them!



    Thank you. I'm a torn individual. I absolutely love the company of a woman but in the most selfish way I want it to be on my terms. That is the hardest part.

    That is absolutely true about finding someone that will put up with our stuff and vice versa. True words!



    True.
     
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