Infuriate a Trucker in One Sentence

Thank times ten. I have NEVER been through the terminal on Driver Appreciation Day.

Even when I worked local, I left out early before they set it all up, and came back late after it was all gone...

 

(old trucker to young trucker)
Hey kid, your mother dresses you funny.
Hey, hippity hoppers, is your buddy dancing or having a seizure?
Why is he grabbing his crotch like that, crotch crickets?
Hey kid, pull up your pants, your skid marks are showing.

(comment to KW truck driver)
Looks the same as a Peterbilt.
KW's suck, Peterbilts are way better.
Volvo is the best truck ever.

(comment to Pete driver)
What model Volvo is that.
I drove a Pete once, Volvo is ten times the truck.
If you buy a Pete does it come with ka boy boots, a push button shirt, chain drive wallet, pie plate belt buckle and a 45.4 litre hat?
Freightliners are much cooler than Petes.

(comment to Volvo driver)
What model Peterbilt is that.
Volvo is preferred by 9 out of 10 housewives over any other truck.
If I was looking for a motorhome Volvo would be my first choice.
If you buy a Volvo does that mean you don't know how to drive a real truck?
Freightliners are much cooler Volvos.

(comment to IH driver)
What kind of plow do you pull with that thing?
Are you a farmer?
Is that a Freightliner?
Is that a Volvo?

(comment to customized truck driver)
Hey buddy, my neighbour has pipes exactly like yours on his outhouse.
Your big pipes sound just like farts in the bathtub.
Why do you have a bumper over your windshield?
Nice paint job, must have used a lot of spray bombs.
Aero trucks are so much cooler.

 

“We have a national trucker shortage.”

Inb4 I drive into pilot truck stop at 8pm, disappointed to find no parking space for me...

 

Shipper; No, the load weighs 48,000 pounds, I don't know who told you it was 15,000. Now follow me!

Me; Still sitting on his scale, now on the phone

Shipper; comes back on his forklift. You going to follow me? I got to get this loaded!!!

Me; You might load someone else, but it's not going on my truck!!! Bye.

 

As one of those pitiful mega drivers I beg your forgiveness and understanding. The clown is going 54 and I'm 64 and it still takes a long time to pass especially if the Ackhat suddenly wakes up and crushes it up to 62 when he sees I'm passing. I back down a lot just to be courteous but it costs me a lot of $$$ and grey hairs.

 

Loves..they make me crazy with the mechanical greeting. Do I perk up and say hi or do I just grunt or can I please flip them off because I haven't had my coffee yet?

 

You should arrive at delivery or pickup location 10 minutes early

Pre-pass red light BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Scale display board ENTER BAY 2 FOR INSPECTION

One drive tire is 6 pounds under pressure, and you're out of service until it's fixed.

 

I’m sure glad I’m not in line behind the guy that’s walking around filming all the stupidity going on at the fuel islands that happens all day every day. Oh look there’s an open fuel island right there. I’ll get this one since he’s busy filming for social media SCORE!!!!

 

Oh you guys didn't hear? The frac is down.


After driving the 40 miles to the yard where we park the trucks. How hard is a simple phone call or text. They know we don't live close.

Or back when I was doing food service.

"What do mean your not gonna rotate the product for us"

My job is just get it in the cooler/freezer. You gonna send one of your employees to unload my truck?