Trucking can be like a bad marriage...

Hi...I'm in rebel mode...

sorry...

But before my battery goes dead...i want to leave you with a few songs...

First off...MJ...I want to rock with you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jF7vmR535E

I want to Rock with you...I've gotta give credit to Michael j...sorry but got to..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfTrthOpKCA

Second I 've got to give credit to the beatles...'Hey Jude'...

Sorry...I'm a hippie type of fella...I get into and can groove with all...

And the Beatles...well what can I say...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzTeLePbB08

Back stabbers...there's alot of them on here...but those in my crew arent...

My crew is real...they've prooven that....
I love ya'll...this applies to others...not my crew...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnDR8OngS1U

And sorry but this is for my West coast souls...those out there in Oakland...the rebel land...Tupac land...

Back in the day...

And finally...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXGcPYD-R-Y

Grease is the world...what else can I say about this mood and song...

You know who you are...all my NE souls...you know who you are...

But then again...I love me some Hank and Waylon Jennings...he to was a rebel...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnEtRUcKGwc

Anyways...that's all for now...Who am I ? I'm a ghost...

Doesn't really make sense does it??

Just go with the flow...

Back soon....

 

Thanks...sorry for the absence...I'll explain later...

As far as the above post...I was intending on deleting it actually...but couldn't get back on the net to do so...

It was like one of those embaracing things you do while at a Margarita party...and then the next day or morning your like 'what'....

And that's how I felt the following day...just having a good time with my internet pals...and kind of got caught up...

Kinda like if we had all been at a bar raising cain...and slamming down a few, and then myself, or one of us headed over to the Karokee machine..



The next thing you know we're up there singing some Fred Astair tune, or Blonde tune or Elvis or Bon Jovi or Barry Manilow

I had fun that night, but the next day I felt I kinda 'drifted'...no biggie...

It was a hoot...

Anyways...gonna end this post and re-post here in a minute when I get situated...I'm actually outside right now...

 

I'm a few days late with this...so the sentiment is not as strong...none the less I must express it, as applied to Saturday night...

No one is 'bad' just because they choose not to like me.

Humans are delicate...everyone is...

We weren't all raised the same or maybe we were, but experienced dramatically different things at some point in our lives, which give us different view points of the world and our place in it...



Some were in gangs, or the military or went to college...
Others come from the Hills of Kentucky or Tennesse, small rural southern towns...

Yet others come from small rural North West towns...(totally different)...

Some come from the city, some are 'ethnic' and still have ties to over seas...

And then you add religion or spirituality to that...and you get even more divisions...

But then there are others who see right through all that fuzz...and who seem to have a certain 'perceptiveness' (balance) in how they process themselves and the world around them...

Some were raised by a single parent, some come from a two parent home where parents fought a lot...some were abused as kids, others still get abused as adults...

Some come from homes that were very 'segregated'...not just in terms of 'race' but also in terms of 'culture' or 'region'....

Some fought and resisted that notion, others simply embraced their teachings as divine law...

But again...there are still others who see through all the 'fuzz'...and see themselves as induvisuals, who refuse to be 'programmed' by any social 'norm'...

Expecially when some of those norms have nothing to do with 'right' or 'wrong' but rather 'preference'...which are designed to reinforce 'self'...and to reinforce ones own sense of 'identity'....

As a 'ghost'...I personally find it hard to just identify with any one thing, purpose or object...seeing as it all fades and is very subjective.

(For instance, if your born in China...than all Chinese are right...if your born in Pakistan, than all Pakistanies are right...if your Born in the South, than your programed to believe all southern ways are right....
Well what if you were born on the Moon...then what?)

Everything shifts and changes, the customs of man, the Pyramids, dynasties and political systems...

The one thing I feel does stay constant is 'ethics'...

good behavior verses bad behavior...

Bad behavior being behavior that deliberatly sets out to hurt others...either physically or emotionally...

And good behavior being behavior that sets out to help others, returning lost wallets, not lying, not stealing ect ect....

Ethics are not a form or color or size...rather it's a concept that can reside in anyones heart.

What gets in the way is the 'physical'....
you can have two people who don't like each other soley based on the physical...location, territory, class, style ect ect...

(but yet could have identical ethics on the inside)

Some just can't get past that, the temporial and fading physical...

And others are able to see through the 'fuzz'...

Why some are able to, and others are not...I really don't know...

Like it seems some are just hardwired to hate, and certain others seem hardwired to love....(or to be 'fair')
But that's really simplifying it...

And religion only seems to be a small factor...

For there are many people who 'judge and condemn' others, and use the bible or Koran or other books, to justify it...

Then there are some who have never read any book in their life, who just seem to have a 'godly' spirit about them...

Anyways...my moods come and go...I would like to continue this later...mood permiting...

 

One of my favorite movies of all time...at least he tried...

Some may laugh at me and my comrads...but at least we're trying...

Give us that...we're not status quoe...

 

ahh clever my friend...clever...

I don't have much time tonight...sorry...

Can't wait to get service turned back on...my best thoughts come to me at 4:00am in the morning...

Let's see...before I go...what can I leave you with...

Live long and strong....

I'll be back...

But in the meantime...live long and prosper.......


I have nothing else to say at the moment...soon...we will unite on another plain...I'll explain later...

Live long and prosper...i'll be back tomorrow...

So many unsung heros in the trucking realm...

later...

 

Still here...

But the pace has slowed considerably...not having the net where I live changes a lot...

My writing and thought sharing is at it's best when I'm at home or can access the net anytime...1 am, 4pm ect ect....but when you have to store thought or sentiment until you get to a public place...often times the sentiment you had has faded...or isn't as strong...

I did however go out last night...to a place 99% you would not.

I had fun though, laughed, met people, and it allowed me a temporary escape from a brutal world, a brutal reality.

As tough as things seem right now though...

Still the thought of me spending my nights alone, at some isolated rest area, forced to eat a Snickers candy bar and soda, and freezing cold outside...just stubbornly forces me to stick things out...

Infact it's hard for me to imagine I was ever content with that...but I was...it was like an escape to be out there all alone...and money was my companion...

As long as I had a bed, heat or air, and a check...I was happy or content...
And now I'm paying a price for that...cause I neglected other areas of my life so bad...

And now days all your routes are practically determined for you...so now, as a long haul driver, even the idea of taking a scenic route, or being creative with your diving, has been tooken away...

So all you really do is hold the steering wheel...

But at least it's an income....
And I do try to tell myself that...

There's just no life for me out there anymore...maybe if I had a family back home...like many of the guys do...they have wives and kids waiting for them, they have emotional support, motivation...

As a single soul, sometimes that motivation can be hard to come by out there...

And as a single male it's even worse, cause all your around is other males...

You eat with them, you sleep with them, you shower next to them, shop with them, talk with them on the cb...

Heck, no wonder I'm the way I am....(just kidding, that was a funny)

Funny thing is, your around all these guys, and the vast majority of them are hyper-homophobic...

I'm talking like super-hyper homophomic....
Either that or in denial...super-hyper denial...

Ok, now I'm just being silly...

But heck, sometimes I would joke with myself and others on the radio by suggesting it would almost be more fun if there indeed was like an all gay or same sex truck stop...where all the guys dressed like 'sissies' or were just same sex friendly...at least then drivers would start talking to each other again...

Unlike todays hetro dominated truck stops where no one talks to no one at all anymore...practically like graveyards now...

And if there is radio chatter it's usually by some guy who lives back in the super woods with a country accent to deep to understand...

Anyways...I was just getting warmed up...but my session is about to end...

This is what I mean about not having the net where I live...

I has indeed effected the spontunaity of my writing...

Oh well...soon enough I'll get it back...and once again be able to write and express like I should or could...later...back tomorrow...

 

Moments like this are what give me strength to continue on...

I have a older sister...who for some reason wanted to take a bike ride on my bike...

She's going through some kind of 'Cher' or 'Tina Turner' mid or older age identity thing...and is trying to feel young again and or in shape...

She is a survivor of cancer....

Anyhow...this morning...she wanted to ride my bike on this sunny day...
And needed my presence to make that happen...

And let me tell you something...I would not have traded that moment for 10,000 loads....never....

I would not have traded that moment...to help my sister build confidence for 10,000 loads....

And if I'm bad for caring about people, so be it...but those are the types of moments that inspire me...and that sacrificing weeks, months, years otr deny me...


And for people, dispatchers who do not appreciate that sacrifice...who instead demean you, don't talk to you, never invite you home for dinner, even though your stuck in some dirt lot over the weekend...

These dispatchers will walk right past you as if your not even human...

I would not trade the moment I had with my sister this morning for a million loads...

And if I'm bad for that...again, so be it...

blood is thicker than corporate greed....so is love...

 

Honesty can be a good medicine...

And that's why I continue to write...to relieve a bit of tension, and to possibly help others going through similuar situations...so they don't feel alone, or that things only happen to them...


For one...you will not win every battle...

I know I certainly don't.

For two...trucking, unlike other industries, really seems to have a choke hold on many...expecially with DAC, driving record and every other type of record companies tap into to figure out why not to hire you...

(my record is near perfect, with the exception of execive jobs)

That aside, character has nothing to do with getting hired anymore...
It's all about data...personal data...like being scanned...



Insurance companies and other shadow agencies seem to determine who gets hired now and where...

Some of these agencies and companies have tooken on identities of their own...like 'entities'...and those not willing to sacrifice their soul, are often left to the way side...

Almost like that whole mark of the beast thing...

You know, like in Revelation, that whole 'cannot buy or sell unless you recieve the mark of the beast'...

Which seems to be 'sorendoring of self'...(the mark that is)...

It's a viscious reality...one many are brutalized by, both physically, emotionally and spiritually...

Flatbed for instance...



the constant pulling of bungy cords and tension straps and winding up those straps with your wrist, can often accelerate 'carpol' disease or effect...or accelerate arthritest or tendenitious...

So that once you get above the age of 45 your body is racked with pain and discomfort...and now the second part of your life is spent in pain and paying for medical care....

Mean time the people who assign you these loads and other office personel, start their day at 8am and go home at 4-5pm....

And by that time your just getting warmed up...you've been up since 6am...barely out of the shipper at 3pm...and still have to run 450 miles to custimor...after fueling and weighing (unless you have spread axle) and tarping, strapping, bungy cords, or chains,

And it might be raining or snowing or 95 degrees out...

And when you walk into the terminal, your treated as if your a 3rd world immigrant....seperated from those you earn money for by a glass partition...

No 'thank you' no 'are you doing ok'...

All they do is look up at you as if they wish you would go away...

continued on next post...