Trucking can be like a bad marriage...

What that means is we fight, we play, we laugh, we cry, we suffer, we fall, we get up, we win, we loose, we make mistakes, we make corrections, we grow, we learn, we prosper, we hit bottom...but we do it all together....

There's is no good-by's here....never....

And that's what I try to demonstrate with this thread and the longevity of it...

If someone comes into your life, and then leaves shortly after, that means their intentions were never right....and that they only wanted to use you for something....

On the other hand, love sticks around, and love is there with you until the end...period....

And true love doesn't care if your black, white, red, blue, gay, straight, christian, muslim, this, that, whatever...love will be there with you till the end...love values your essence....

Strip all that away...and it's just you, your essences...

That's how God sees us...man is not capable of that...

That's why so many out there are flakes....

Cause they want you to be a spitting image of themselves, before they will be your friend...

Gee, what if God were that way??

I'm not an elitest...

I like whomever...as long as they have basic respect for others...

I don't nick pick whom I will love or be friends with...


most people are weak as hll...

I don't get on a thread and say to myself...

"gee, I like this poster cause they must look just like me"

I don't care if your in a wheel chair, if your fat and hairy, or bald
or weigh 400lbs...

If your a decent person and your intentions are good or nuetral, I'll never leave you....

Again, that's how love operates...and that's the basis of who I am...

Flawed, yes...
Capable of making bad decisions....yes....

But one thing I will never let go of, regardless of my faults, is love...

And love is there with, for you, forever...

And not many are capable of that...

Instead they come into your life, and if they don't get what they want...they leave....

Better they leave sooner than later...

Who needs hot air...



...back quite...but not gone...

 

Before I leave this world, I kind of want to conquer my fears...

What are some of those fears??

Math...

Triganometry, chemistry, calculas, algebra, geometry....

I would really like to get a grasp on math...in order to complete my roundness...the circle...

Plus, in college, your stuff gets published, read by other movers and shakers in the industry...

I would like to solve problems, engineering problems, enviornmental problems, habitat problems...school gives you a platform on which to do that, and the funding...

Hanging out with Professiors, who know other proffesiors, who have connections does have it's benifits...

Trucking was a short cut for me....it was suppose to be but a temporary short cut on my path to becoming a pilot...



Oh how I have fallen from grace...

It's what happens when you run away from, instead of taking on head on...

I'm tired of running away from my fears, and what I'm capable of...

The last time I was in school I was a A student...even while living homeless...I still got A's...cause I knew how to read, concentrate and comprehend things...

I knew the art of understanding what someone else was trying to say...not what i wanted them to say, but what 'they' were saying....

I was an A student...but ran away...cause I was afraid of math...(of failing)...and i'm tired of being afraid of math....
(but that's exactly what i'm doing now, I'm failing, cause I'm not following my true path)

I already think like a mathmatition...I just need to take it on in order to be truly complete....

Until I do, I will always only be half of what I was meant to be or capable of....

Once you conquer math, everything else is easy...



here's one basic truth about math...that hasn't been published yet...but I'm sure someone will steal...

Just like my term 'bankster' is now being used in the media...and told you ahead of time i would not get credit for it...

Anyhow...no matter how complicated the equation looks on the chalk board or in text book...

it all still comes down to

• addition
• subtraction
• multipalcation
• division

That's it...that's all you can do with numbers...

your either adding subtracting multiplying or dividing...

The trick or challenge is simply which order do you do it in...

Or sequence....

I don't care how complicated it may look on the chalk board or text book...



all you are doing is adding, subtracting, dividing or multiplying...that's it...

but there's a sequence that it must be done in, or 'order'...

Once you understand that sequence, it's a piece of cake...

math is simply a language...but once that language is understood...you can do just about anything, you can create just about anything, you can engineer just about anything and you can understand just about anything...

All life is built on math...

God himself is a, the, master mathmatition...

And that's a realm i'm ready to go into, because I have ducked it for so long, and therefore am very incomplete without it...

And the confidence that comes from knowing it....

There will always be a need for mathmatitions in this world, always...for math is the door way to many other exciting career paths...and your knowledge of math will alway you to seamlessly transition from one to another...

My mind is ready to absorb this stuff now...
I grow bored and tired of the mundane...
I need more of a challenge...

Electrical engineering, computor science, computer programming, chemical engineering...these are the true masters of the universe...and are the people who allow us to do what we do...

And now, I too, want this knowledge...



Math is truly the language of 'gods'...and i say that in quotations...

Cause with math, you can create and or understand anything...

I already have the other side down...quantitive thinking...which many scientist lack...but I have that side...and now I want the other side...

What has been hidden from me, and what will I discover if I go down this path of math and science...and with my mind and quantitive thinking...
what could I create or vision, that hasn't already been done??

We shall see....

 

First step is done...I've registered or applied at college of choice...

(already have credits elsewhere, just need to get them transfered)...

I simply want to take on some hard courses just to proove I can, and too quit running away...

Math...and language...

Aside from math...I want to learn a different language...most likely Spanish...

Again...I'm tired of running away from that...

My mind is like a gigantic empty warehouse...and only a small corner is being used...
I still have vast space up there, in which to store things...information...

I will never be complete, live out my destiny, until I conquer my fears and take this stuff on, head on....

Cause right now, I'm just not finding satisfaction in much of anything else in life...

But you get to a point in your life where you have nothing to loose, accept your life...

(got that from Steve Jobs)....and your already going to do anyways...

There's so many things I wanted to do in the past, but kept selling myself short...

Trucking, was like that lover, that kept luring me back to have cheap easy fast sx in a dark out of the way hidden hotel room....



And like any cheap sleezy lover, your left feeling empty and unfulfilled in the end...

And that's what I'm left with, years of my life, a near MT resume, and no friends....

The last time I was in school...I had more friends, more invites, more interaction than I knew what to do with...and I loved it....

But as soon as I left that enviornment, and jumped back into trucking...
it all faded, and everything turned black again...

No friends, no social life, around people who hold on to dark pre-historic social views...ect ect....

As soon as I stepped back into my symbolic lovers arm, my life essentually ended again....
And they simply used me for my labour...and nothing more...

Even had a driver, over the radio tell me once...'Oh what do you know, your just a driver...just drive'....

And they were'nt even English...so I even had a Mexican driver tell me..'Oh you just a driver...just drive your truck'....

Now me being me...you know that didn't sit well....

But english drivers have the same low expectation of you as well, as a driver...

They just don't see much value in you if they see you getting out of a truck....

it's like a certain resentment resignates out there, driver on driver resentment...

Even if they see you get out of another truck, they try to avoid you...

They're projecting their own low self esteem onto you....

I can't do it no more...

I'm actually prepared to die, before I go back out there and immerse myself back into that enviornment....

Truckers are prejudice bigoted people....

Not just 'white' ones, but black ones also....

As a driver you just learn to think small...and to judge others who don't look just like you....

To the randomn reader...why do you think I get so ignored on here???

The people who deliver your food and clothing, are very prejudice....

Unless your just like them...they don't like you...

And I just can't sustain myself in this enviornment any longer...
At least not the road side...

On the admin side...possibly...and that's what going to college will help me to achieve...

I'm not that far away from a degree...

I can either waste the next few years rotting away at pilots and flying J parking lots, or I can spend that time perueing a much more enjoyable career path in a much more enjoyable enviornment...where I can make friends again...and where creativity is celebrated, rather than shunned....

to be continued...

 

Good, than don't ever leave me...even if I'm 80 years old....don't ever leave me...

Whether I drive or not...don't ever leave me...

And well, as 'friends'...I'll never leave you either...

Through the good and the bad...through happy times and sad....if your in my life, I'll make you glad....(sorry...that didn't really make sense but it rymned...I was going for a rymne...)....

I'm getting to old to loose people anymore...

If I like someone, and they like me...(as friends)...and we have mutual understanding...as you descibed in your post...

Than we're in it till the end...

you never have to worry about me running out on you...

If you can accept my flaws...i can accept yours....

Amen...

 

I feel like Olive oil right now...I believe they loved to eat Olives...

I went out and purchased a can of olives...green olives...
Just get different cravings for things...

Not sure of the nutritional value of alives...



This is normally how I'm use to seeing them...like in adds and stuff...

But yesterday evening...i felt like buying a whole can and have swallowed at least 10 of them....




Anyways...useless information...

I woke up early...and can't go back to sleep...

Waking up early use to thrill me years ago...it still does, just not
where I'm at now...


And just like the Olive oil image above, whenever i step outside my place, I have about 9 cats begging for food...how coincidental...

 

A classic hit, a classic song, a classic babe....

Rest in peace Andrea....1976 billboard hit...

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jni-eDcm6us&feature=related[/ame]

She past away last night at age 67....formerly a porn star, she left the porn industry after this break out song, and became a musician...

Just goes to show our pathways aren't known, ever, until it's over...

And I love turn around stories like this...

She capitollized on her youth and beauty, and then moved onto 'better things' as time went along...

Youth is fleeting to all of us, so why hide it when ya got it...cause one day you'll loose it forever...

A brief biography on Andrea...at least she tried...I give her that...

http://www.backdrop.net/sm-201/index.php?title=Andrea_True

 

................