Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Great Story....Truer than Fiction just been reading it the last 5 days!
Man Gotta think twice about trucking in good ole
See over here we got professionals driving and it takes a 9month course nowadays to get your CDL... and all them oldies have to take CDL test before the end of 2009.
Well I´m sure this story is much inflated but still whadda material...

 

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....get through this saga! Less than 2 weeks til school starts, and moving down to Asheville, don't know how I will get caught up! On page 25 now, the pages seem a bit longer read time than the beginning, as I read & reread, laugh, wipe tears, and click "next page"!! Couple of memory moments, my dad had a Diamond Reo, and the part about "either you can drive a truck or not drive a truck--no school will teach you what you need to know!! Well, dad might be rolling over in his grave, but I know he's got a big grin knowing his "bullheaded" girl is gonna drive! Thanks for the great reading, Snazzy! Carry On---dolly

 

First a big Snazzy welcome to MickeyFin from Finland, we appreciate his kind words and letting us know how it's done in other places. Poor Dolly is making progress and remember Snazzy points are good for eyeglasses or seeing eye kangaroos. Yep Duker, the dark side of trucking, as Life Goes On.

Since I no longer had an apartment the Bed & Bug was my only option. Their monthly rates, were much better that the nightly rates and with my TLX discount. Well, I paid for a months stay and got a room with a view. Yep, it was an upstairs unit, inside the the courtyard, that faced the swimming pool. What a deal ! I unpacked my Datsun and freshened up for a night out on the town. My first stop was at a local saloon that catered to the blue collar slobs that frequented it. I sat sipping suds at the bar and felt homesick for the Lay Over Club, but knew I no longer was welcome there. Yep, it's strange how much you can become attached to things and not appreciate them until their gone. I guess that's true for relationships too. Anyway, the jukebox sang, the beers flowed, as I loosened up. I kept glancing over at the wall clock and scanning the bar over. You know, how we do when there's nothing else going on. Yep, you'd of thought that I was waiting for someone or something to happen. The truth was, that I was just bored silly and had nothing else to do. Anyway, as the night slowly passed by an attractive lady caught my eye. She was dressed in a skimpy outfit that displayed a tanned curvy body, two chest humps, and two shapely legs. I noticed that she was all alone, by herself, and not with anyone. So, I sashayed back to the mens room and spruced up. I shook it three times, washed my hands with soap, and even combed my beard.

I sashayed back to my toadstool and handed the barmaid a few dollars. She did as I requested and served the bait to my intended target. Now, it was dark in that bar and I had consumed my fair share of cold brews. Of course, I'm not making any excuses. Yep, I'm just telling it, like it happened and you can decide for yourself. Anyway, the barmaid nodded in my direction and the Foxy Lady smiled at me. I smiled back and lifted my glass of golden suds. Yep so far, so good ! Now, I didn't want to rush things. You know, just because you buy a lady a drink doesn't give you saddle rights. In bar edict 101, it's best to act a bit restrained and a little coy. That way your intended bed partner will have time to accept or decline your offer. I sat calmly sipping and pretending to ignore my surroundings. You know, I kept a side profile, so she could take her time checking me out. The bar was smoked filled, crowded with thirsty drunks, and rocked with country tunes. The clock struck one and injured two, as Foxy Lady wiggled my way. I pretended that her arrival was completely unexpected, as she parked her tall glass next to mine.

I stood, " How are you doing ? "

She smiled, " Fine ! I just wanted to thank you, for buying my drink. Is it alright if I sit down ? "

I held the stool, " Sure ! Would you like another one ? "

So, we sat at the bar and got to know each other. I was completely honest with her, but tried not to be boring. You know, what a turnoff it is to hear someones life story. Like reading this crap ! Anyway, she was a good listener and acted halfway interested. I just hit on the highlights, like born in Fort Worth, married for 20, divorced for for about 5, had 3 grown girls, was an excop, turned trucker, and out celebrating a job promotion. She guzzled down a few and filled me in. Born in California, married for 10, separated for awhile, had one son, and worked at the Federal Prison.

I had to ask, " Your a prison guard ? Man, I never would of guessed it ! So, how long have you been doing that ? "

Foxy Lady corrected me, " No ! We're correction officers, not prison guards. I've been there, about three years. Well, every since it opened. Why ? Does that bother you ? "

I raised my glass, " No ! I just never would of guessed, that someone as beautiful as you are, would be a corrections officer. Boy howdy ! When I was locked up there sure weren't ...."

Foxy Lady interrupted me, " What were you in for ? "

I cheesed, " Driving in a sober zone, while borrowing a stolen car. "

Foxy didn't see my humor, " So ! You've been busted for DWI and grand theft auto ! That figures ! "

I defended myself, " I didn't know the car was stolen and ..."

Foxy was rude, " That's what you all say ! Every con there is always claims they did nothing wrong ! Well, your wasting your breath with me ! "

I was me, " Hey look ! You can think whatever you want to ! But, I'll tell you one thing ! I'm not ashamed of anything ! "

Foxy smirked, " Most of you losers never are ! "

I'd heard enough, " Well ! It's getting late and I need to get going ! "

So, I hopped off the toadstool and sashayed out the door. Now, I'll be honest and admit that I was pretty pissed off. I mean ole Foxy had pressed my buttons and I wasn't in the mood for any more BS. Well, she followed me outside and laid the law down.

Foxy barked, " Put your hands on the car ! Your under arrest ! "

I had to ask, " What's your problem lady ? I haven't done anything ! "

Foxy grabbed my keys, " Your under arrest for DWI ! Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way ! "

I warned her, " Give me back my keys ! I'm just driving across the ..."

So, the mace hit me right between my eyes, as I tried to defend myself. Now, I really wasn't trying to hurt her. You know, I was just trying to keep from being maced to death. Well, the fight was on. Yep, she emptied that whole can and then started smacking me in the head with it. I was half blinded and really just trying to get away. Finally I grabbed a handful of hair and tried to rip her head off. Yep, it came off alright and liked to have given me a heart attack. Yep, it was a wig and Foxy Lady wasn't no lady. By now, half of the bar was outside and a couple of big burly fellas managed to pull us apart. Someone handed me a wet bar towel to sooth my burning eyes. Well, the Local Yocals swung in and you guessed it. Yep, I was arrested for fighting in public and being drunk in public. What a deal ! Now, the only good news was that Foxy Guy was arrested for aggravated assault, impersonating a peace officer, and an outstanding warrant. Yep, he was wanted for lewd conduct and bail jumping. So, we were booked in together and jailed just cell bars apart. Man ! If I could of squeezed thru them bars I'd of really ripped his head off.

So, your wondering why I feel like, I was to blame ? Well, by the next morning it was real obvious to me. Yep, even looking thru bloodshot, swollen, hungover eyes, a blind man should of spotted that pervert. Oh sure, he didn't have on his fluffy wig, high heels, and makeup. But, you could spot those large hands, masculine face, and hairy arms. I will admit that the night in question, he sure had me fooled. Yep, I sure felt like a jerk and I am thankful that it wasn't worse. I mean, what if I'd gotten lucky that night and was sitting on death row now ? Oh, in all fairness it turned out that he/she wasn't from California and never had been a corrections officer. Yep, he/she was just an ex-security guard and is probably still out there. So Snazzers, be careful on who you hit on and lady Snazzers beware of whose whom in the ladies room, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

eeeew! So glad I don't drink anymore. Impaired vision, awareness and morals not not mention prison for murdering anyone that ever tries that on me. What a life Snazzy! Don't forget to look for an adams apple next time.
You have gotta catch a break soon.--lockednloaded

 

You sure know how to lay it down man...

Now the reason I told you about how we do it over the pond is that I felt sorry for you being so patient as a trainer...today I talked about a job in that line...
I got my CDL in the Military and sure can attest you .. them trainers are something else but thenagain ..so is the "material"...
Not I´m just waiting for Wifeys Tweet revenge part XXXXXXXXXXX....or Julies EX-plantation.. excuse me, axplanation that´s the word ..or...whatever...

 

Lockednloaded that's good advice about the Adam's apple. MickeyFin don't worry about spelling or punctuation, because I sure don't. Yep, us Snazzers care more about what's said, than how it's said. Thanks, for staying tuned. Now Sandlapper, I missed you post earlier, so a thousand pardons and let's see how it goes as a Desk Jockey. Snazzy points all around, as Life Goes On.

The local city jail was the pits and took me a full day to get released. I paid over $500 in fines and another $100 to get my old Datsun out of the police impound. I spent the remaining part of the weekend nursing the world's worse hangover. I did stop by the local Wally World and updated my wardrobe. You know, something spiffy, but casual and comfy. Yep, a few pair of colored jeans, some pull over shirts that had collars with pockets and new odor eater socks. What a deal ! Tuesday morning I sashayed into Ed's office and got the five dollar tour. Yep, TLX had sure grown into a fair sized operation. I could remember there being just one floor, a few small offices, and that was about it. Now, a year latter everything had changed. Yep, all the office personal had to be photographed and issued I.D. badges. They clipped on and were also used as door lock passes. You know, like the motels use. Yep, you'd slide your card thru a slot and the door would open. Now, only certain cards worked for certain doors and every time you used your card it left a computer trail. Yep, they could track your every move and know who went where and did what. I guess the video system is what amazed me the most. Yep, Ed's office was located at the top of the stairs. Well, there were two entrances into the TLX terminal. One door was located in the front of the building. It was for big cheese and office workers only. You know, dispatchers, payroll personnel, safety department, the idiot recruiters, and the Crook family. Yep, it was a family owned business and every family member had a finger in it.

Now, the second entrance was a door located to the side of the building. It was for pee-ons and want to be pee-ons. You know, worthless drivers and student scum new bees. Yep, if you had an I.D. card that meant that you had arrived. No card holder ever used the side entrance and no non card holder could enter the front entrance. Now, my office was on the first floor and it was actually Ed's old office. It was right next to the stairwell and had a receptionist sitting where you entered. She also served as a secretary, phone answerer, and buzzer operator. Yep, the non card holders had to be buzzed in. The office building sat right in the middle of the terminal. New tractors and the ones needing repair were parked on one side. Road ready tractors were parked on the other side. Empty trailers were dropped in one area and loaded trailers the other. The repair shop sat across from the office building and had several bay doors facing it. Dan, who was the shop foreman had an office at the shop. The entire terminal sat on 50 acres that was surrounded by a 12 foot iron fence. There was no security and the two entrance/exit gates were always left open. After Ed had given me the tour we ended up in my office. I sat behind my desk and Ed sat on the other side. Ed had his cell phone and chatted constantly on it. I got use to being ignored and tried to entertain myself. There were small model TLX trucks parked ontop of my desk. So, as Ed chattered away, I rolled them around and played. Yep, I was looking for a Preying Mantes to load up when Ed got off his phone.

Ed rolled his eyes, " Barney ! Don't be playing with those ! "

I was really into it, " Beep ! Beep ! Lookout ! Zoom ! Zoom ! "

Ed grabbed my toys, " You Idiot ! Now, here's a list of the local schools and when your scheduled to be there. That large briefcase has all the materials in it. There's brochures, employment applications, and complimentary pens. Now Barney, this is a good opportunity for you and it gives you a chance to sign up some decent students. Just remember that your going against the big boys and they know how to recruit. "

I pouted, " Can I have my trucks back ? Thanks ! Zoom ! I'm not worried about the other outfits. I've already decided on what I'm going say and I bet we'll get some decent students. "

Ed handed me the keys, " Oh ! Before I forget, these are to your company car and this is a gold card for your expenses. Have your secretary make your reservations and I guess that's it. "

So, Ed dashed out the door and left it up to me. I loaded up a cricket and rolled the model truck from the pencil sharpener over to the desk phone. Yep, I was trucking again and loving it. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Holy Smokes the corporate Snazz has arrived....so to become the silver tongued devil big time recruiter.

 

OH SURE KID-I GUARANTEE THAT YOU'LL GET A NEW RIG AND $1.45 MILE AS A COMPANY DRIVER. TRUST ME!

 

Now there's a perfect picture of the facts of life.
Now about that job for $1.45 a mile, and you throw in that truck for passing one of them quickie road test.
Since I had a cdl for years, can you give me one of them spank'in new trucks. We just can cut to the quick, oh and throw in one of them contracts that say you'll pay for repairs fo 5 years oh hell make it 20 years.
How about a $1.45 a word on a layover to answer emails. Shifter arm needs a rest at times.
Yeap big duker, I bet if you made an offer out there like above, you'd get takers.
All for a signup fee for 10 grand, and after you pay, go look for that truck out in the desert--it's there just keep look'in

 

Ooooh.... free pens? :smt103 Where do I sign?