Is it too much to expect your home time to be an actual day off?

Discussion in 'Experienced Truckers' Advice' started by CAPTransport, Oct 25, 2021.

  1. CAPTransport

    CAPTransport Light Load Member

    May 7, 2021
    Fayetteville, NC
    Every time I go home for my 3-4 days every 3-4 weeks, I’m met with a list of demands. It’s deep clean the house day. It’s let’s go grocery shopping. It’s let’s paint the kitchen. It’s let’s redo the flooring upstairs. I think the last time I recall actually having a day of doing something for leisure was in July when we went to Top Golf.

    Is it too much to ask of your spouse to handle these things on their own and for home time to be family time? Or how does it work for everyone else?
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  3. jason6541

    jason6541 Road Train Member

    Mar 5, 2012
    Omaha, NE
    As someone who’s been a driver for 30+ years and married 34 years.
    Keep in mind. Your gone and that “HONEY DO” list never goes away.
    Your spouse is probably having a hard time if not harder time while your gone.
    Maintenance at home keeps getting deferred.
    they do get lonely at home.
    Try letting them know that you would like 1 day to do what you want. Then hit the chores.
    Talk about and agree on a plan of action of things to get accomplished. Don’t over extend yourself.

    I am lucky my wife just tells me what needs to be done and I am OCD so I knock it out. But she doesn’t pressure me. Hope you can find equilibrium on your home time
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  4. supersnackbar

    supersnackbar Road Train Member

    Aug 19, 2007
    Your Town, USA
    Does your spouse take a day off to relax and let the general housework go? Especially if you have kids it's a 7 day a week job. And if she works outside the house, she has 2 jobs. Try to see it from her perspective. I am seeing how hard my wife works when I am away right now. My wife had knee replacement surgery, so now all the general housework AND helping her rehab her knee falls on me, and it helped me realize how much she does on a daily basis when I am not here for weeks/months at a time. Before this, we would make time for US to do things dinners out etc. Our job is tough and stressful, but, we have the government mandated limits of our logbook for how much work time we can do...our spouses at home don't have that, so they have to work until the job is done.
    DrFlush, Zangief, Lostmykey and 6 others Thank this.
  5. buddyd157

    buddyd157 Road Train Member

    May 25, 2017
    under a shade tree
    0 the person at home has nuffin else to do..??

    like the cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, errands, maybe caring for an elderly parent, or other relative?

    seems kinda selfish on your part that you think you have nothing but your job to do, and nothing else in life.

    if you're married, it's 50/50 around the house.

    if you're cohabitating? it's 50/50 as well.

    i used to put in a whole lot of hours myself, and when i came home DAILY, i helped the Mrs. with what ever she needed, in fact, i never had to ask, i just did it.

    if you think that just cuz you're the man and you did your 9 to 5 job and you're done.>??

    get divorced, and live alone.

    i can assure you then, that 1000% of everything will fall on you.....

    this ain't the 1930's thru the 1960's.....where the women stayed at home and did everything, and the man worked, came home, got fed and went to bed....

    it's today......and today, you had better pitch in, or move out....cuz i guarantee you, she will keep everything......
    John E., Badmon, Lostmykey and 5 others Thank this.
  6. MiFamilyGuy

    MiFamilyGuy Light Load Member

    Sep 17, 2012
    There should be some middle ground to stand on. Communicate. Compromise. If both people in the marriage are committed to making it work, this should be a very resolvable issue.
  7. Wasted Thyme

    Wasted Thyme Road Train Member

    Jan 27, 2020
    GOAT watching
    It's called suck it up and be a man. It's your house too.
    Badmon, buddyd157, Bean Jr. and 2 others Thank this.
  8. Tropsnart

    Tropsnart Heavy Load Member

    Jun 8, 2015
    Pavilion New York
    3 or 4 days home after 3 or 4 weeks on the road is the problem. Take more time off. Local jobs often pay better than otr and you get more time off. Putting our families first should be a priority for all truck drivers.
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  9. Opus

    Opus Road Train Member

    Dec 18, 2011
    South GA
    kemosabi49, Badmon, buddyd157 and 7 others Thank this.
  10. mpd240

    mpd240 Road Train Member

    Sep 17, 2011
    I have the same problem and I’m local. Work 65 to 70 hours in five days. Want one day to just take it easy. Do a few things but no big plan. Usually I fill my Saturday with projects for myself and the wife. Sunday is the day we try to take it easy
    Badmon and Lostmykey Thank this.
  11. Opus

    Opus Road Train Member

    Dec 18, 2011
    South GA
    0 together. Remember, this is a team effort.
    Agree on a project, work together, and schedule a day off for everybody.

    I do 99% of the cooking when I'm home. Mostly because I like to cook and my wife doesn't, (and the outcomes are predictable).
    She used to ask me when I was on my way home what I was going to cook for supper.
    This went on for a few years, and one day she asked me, and I was particularly tired and grumpy and I replied, "Look, man. I've been on the road for 2 weeks. The last thing I want to do when I walk through the door is put together some kind of meal. I think you could suck it up for one night."
    She didn't realize what she was asking and it wasn't before I told her that she got it. And then it changed.

    The moral of the story is twofold:
    #1, you have to work together to accomplish an agreed upon goal.
    #2, if your wife is wearing you out, just communicate; perhaps she doesn't understand and when she does, it gets better.

    Being angry and tired are no ways to live at home.

    Good luck.

    P.S. Being gone for 3-4 weeks at a time is NOT a recommended way to keep a relationship together. You might want to rethink that as well.
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