Mental health

Monday's mental health / anguish updste.

Appointment is supposed to be at 1000.
So I'm rolling up the highway 110 miles out about 0625.
Agent calls. "Gave you bad info. Appointment is at 0800."

So instead of being an hour and 20 minutes early, I'm 40 minutes late.

Not to mention I was surrounded by bears and Oregonians, and not just Oregonians, Portlanders, we're talking about a whole new level of stupid here.

So I get here. I was immediately demeaned by the receiver and told I'm fortunate I will even be able to keep my CDL for being late.

I show her the freight bill on my phone, but it's to no avail, she wants her ### kissed.

Agent has already said he will gladly give me my detention, so I hope she takes all F day.

So I was lied to and demeaned already this morning.

I slept like rhinoceros again though, and have lots of good stuff to eat, next load picks up in a bit for agent I do A LOT for so that's no problem.

But I shall dwell on the unpleasantness of this receiver rather than just taking a nice nap and collecting money.

 

I’m glad someone can stand being talked down too, when I flatbedded I usually got in trouble when I told them after their rant they’ve got 30 minutes to get their junk off my trailer or it’s leaving,
I am no longer allowed on Busch beer property in Jonesboro Arkansas because I had an “attitude” after sitting there for over 36 hours and got paid $25! Wow $1.44/hour, then they thought I was going to be nice, btw don’t go there, you’ll regret it

 

I tried to get out of truck driving after I was blown over by a severe wind storm and broke my arm. I tried college and it didn't pan out. I couldn't find any other gainful employment so I made myself get back into it with a refresher course.

I eventually got into yard spotting through my company and while it's really nice to be local and home everyday, the yards I run are extremely bumpy and I'm also sick of the spotter truck getting stuck in the snow.

I've decided it's time for a truck career do-over and I'm getting my endorsements with a plan to move south. Some tiny part of me is creeped out by trading the snow for Tornado Alley or something. Windy weather creeps me out to, but maybe it'll be less bad if I'm in a lower profile tanker unlike the tall Van that I was in when I tipped over.

I can still picture the event with the construction barrels rolling across the highway and the side of my truck ####ing lifting up and just feeling helpless. I just have to make myself not dwell on it and move forward.

EDIT: another lesser issue is I sometimes feel pissed at myself for getting good grades in college and having nothing to show for it but debt. I have to keep myself from not dwelling on that to. If I just keep at it, I can get a better job with my endorsements and I can pay that #### off.

 

i pretend im Andy in Shawshank

 

We are going to be introducing a new EAP (employee assistance program) that we hope our drivers will utilize. Everyone will have access to wellness coaches - these coaches help employees navigate such issues as you're describing and potentially avoid catastrophic emotional crashes. They aren't psychiatrists or therapists, but rather guides to help employees (specifically truckers) navigate their stress and frustrations.. even just be a sounding board and let them vent and not have to worry about who they are letting it all out on. Some insurance carriers offer these services - maybe ask your employer if that's available. If not - Maybe look into an independent wellness coach?

 

Truthfully, here's how you deal with the stress of shippers/recievers/dispatchers/traffic/trucking, drive during the, 'Witching Hours' listening to heavy metal, and different genres of music, and knowing worrying about it will not change anything, and if you talk to someone about it, who knows nothing of what you're talking about such as this mentor thing, I don't see how he/she can help, all the traffic they see is from home to work, we'll drive more miles in a year then some people will in a lifetime.
My Heart Burns!
And I don't think it was that super greasy, cheeseburger that when I got through with it grease was dripping from my elbow..

 

Its all in the mind .... in more ways than one. This is one of the easist and simplest jobs ive ever had.
I would hate to have to go back to work again.

 

I deal with anxiety and bad panic attacks, when I worked for Sysco, great company but that was some of the most stressful work I've ever done. It triggered just about every bad issue I had lol. But trucking as a whole I absolutely love it. I use to manage a warehouse and poultry production and I hated the constant pressure, nothing ever being good enough and no escape from the 4 walls of doom so to speak.

 

This article sums all of this up quite nicely, from an MD who is on our side. Her conclusions in the article about depression, the causes and truckers are right on...

http://livetrucking.com/doctors-say...her-than-normal-rate-of-antidepressant-usage/

 

I need to play that on loop mode.