Trucking can be like a bad marriage...

Pony Express delivery from the ghostchildd...

"First...I'd like to thank a few for keeping thread alive and relovant while I'm gone..."

And second....
This is the hardest time of the year for me to do what I do...Fall, October, Halloween...the smell of automn leaves....fire places burning...pumpkin patches....



It's a time to be with loved ones...and friends...
It's a time to attend festivals together with those you care about...
It's a time to meet new people, a time for romance...a time to cozy up late on Friday and Saturday nights and watch scary movies while at home....

Fall, October, and Halloween...bring back such endearing memories for me when i was younger...for all of us...and the last place I want to spend it is at a Sapps Brothers truck stop...parked next to someone who could give a dm about me...

I don't like being robbed of my Octobers or this time of the year...they are so special...and you never know which one will be your last....so I treasure them even more now....

I can't enjoy Octobers over the road...even in the past I couldn't...
It's hard to enjoy when your always zipping past everything so fast...and always trying to meet a deadline...never time to really stop and absorb...and if you do, you must make the time up by driving extra long into the night....

And it can be extreamly tough when you drive through state roads...and get to see all the homes decorated with Halloween and fall decals...



Home after home, house after house...in rural areas...that you might have to drive 100 miles through...it just makes ya more and more home sick...all you can think of is the families inside, all together, having a good time....
You drive by stores, resturants, clubs, bars, fall football games, highschool stadiums filled up on Friday and Saturday nights...
And yet...all you can do is drive on by...like a ghost...a non participant in any of it...

It just gets to be a bit to much for a soul like mine after a while...
I value life so much...not industrial life and machines...but rather the interchanges people have between one another...love, romance, friendship, trust....the whole Norman Rockwell ideal of America....

And it's so so hard for me to get that when I'm screaming down the highway in a loud truck...all alone....just seeing, viewing...but not being apart of....

Some can handle it better than me....and I envy those who can...who have different perspectives on the whole situation....

But unfortunatly...I am what I am...I've arrived at this time and place 'as is'....and can't change...
To some I must seem like a fool, to hang on to such sentiment....and maybe I am....

I just know I can't stand it anymore...always being pulled away from people I care about....it's just not worth it to me anymore....and it's destroying my heart....who I am....

I don't care about industry anymore....


Nor do I care about money and being rich...



What I care about and enjoy is people...or the human exchange of ideas in a civilized society....where thought and ideas can pass back and forth intelligently, which can then lead to great long lasting friendships and more....

I was homeless before...and yet had a much more fulfilled life than I do while driving OTR all caged up...forever chasing the dollar....

I don't need none of it...

I have everything I need to be happy already contained inside of my heart...mans props can't really add much to that....

I'm viewed the same regardless...whether I'm rich, or whether I'm dirt poor....some have the ability to see me, and some, or most don't....that will never change....

I don't think I want to leave again...to do so I would truly become a slave....
A slave to the beast...a system of life I'm just not cut out for anymore.....

And that concludes this Pony Express special delivery from the ghostchildd...

(This is all just apart of theraopy...sometimes just admiting what's really on your mind can give you strength to ride through it...sometimes it can't...just depends...)

 

Special delivery from the ghostchildd....

" First...I'll never be 'middle aged'....even if I reach the age of 60....I will never be middle aged....not in the metaphorical sense or manner i use it in....

It's all about attitude, not giving up, and not becoming a template or just another mundane mold for someone elses convience....

And as far as the physical part of trucking or driving....I have no issues with that...infact I just got done chatting with one who understands me, and actually listens, I guess better than most...and I told them...the actually physical part of the job I like, and find refreshing...for I delight in physical activity, the challenge of it....
What I don't like is the inbetween time....
1. Being rushed, and put in situations where I have to drive beyond my own physical limits....

2. The long periods of isolation, being cut off from family, friends, and other support systems....

3. The new school enviornment, where no one speaks, no one stops if your broke down to see if your ok, everyone has a headset wrapped around their head off into their own world....(http://www.thetruckersreport.com/truckingindustryforum/road-stories/138686-truckers-for-self.html)

4. The lack of over all social interaction between OTD while out there....
No other industry are co-workers so distant from one another...
In my last job...a local position, there was constantly interaction, joking, playing around, and co-operating to get the job done, like a team....

It did a lot for moral building....in the over the road enviornment...that's totally lacking...it's like every driver for himself....no one ever asks 'How was your day?'...
cause they think your going to jump all over them and start making out.......

Not so...just because you show concern for your fello driver doesn't mean your gay or want to ram your tongue down their throat....

It's just the general lack of warmth out there these days that brings my spirit down....sorry, but I'm human...a very animated expressive one...and just can't sustain myself so easily in such a socially 'grey' work enviornment....

In the past I could, cause I was different, and trucking was a whole lot different...every truck stop was like a carnival back when I first started...



Every truck stop and most drivers were colorful and lit up with personality...(and they were well above middle age)
They would talk you to death....every time you pulled into a truck stop, there was activity...drivers selling things (truck stop auctions)....there was men, women, even Jehovahs witnesses....it was all there....
Every driver had a handle....and a persona to go with it....drivers were free spirited back then...(which actually wasn't that long ago).....(now days they're wound up in a knot)

That's the envoirnment I started in, and the one I'm use to....
Then something happened, occured, a few years ago, that just started changing all of that....which have been discussed here and elsewhere on this forum....

Trucks stops suddenly went from the above colorful atmosphere, with drivers interacting with one another, pool rooms, drivers going into town together and raising cain....it all went from that to this...



A graveyard....truck stops seem to be nothing more than graveyards to me now...where the dead go to congregate and sleep....

There's more action, life and energy at convelecant centers than truck stops now days....

And I just can't bury myself in such an enviornment for weeks on end and not expect it to effect my moral....
And I'm not the only one...I simply express it, write about it, more thoroughly than others...

Newer drivers won't, can't notice the change...cause they weren't around back then...(again, which wasn't that long ago)....but the newer drivers are use to how it is now...they think it's 'normal' to listen to satellite radio 24/7 while ignoring other drivers...and or to constantly chat on cell phone....to them that's normal...
They have replaced the CB on the dash, with gps on the dash....

They pull into truck stops with gps on the dash...and cell phone wrapped around head...but no cb radio....as cut off from their fello drivers as four wheelers are...

Infact today your more likely to get a good conversation from a 4 wheeler in a car. or pu truck, who has cb, than you are a fello driver....

But hey...gotta cut this short....

There is nothing 'doom and gloom' about wanting or enjoying the company of others...and or seeking a work enviornment that provides that....

The doom and gloom, at least for me, is to allow my spirit to die in such an enviornment as described above....

We're all different...at different places in our lives...what fits you Joe, might not fit for Larry....it's no big deal....

But I am suprised at you rocks, for throwing mud at me....when all I've ever done is put you on a platform....

But that's ok....just be safe out there and continue to prosper....

I may or may not be out there for much longer...time will tell...if I am, I'll just have to adjust until something more to my likeing comes along....
In the mean time...everyone have a wonderful day....

I love this song...

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZwaYsoOk2Y[/ame]

 

To the general randomn readers...I want to express and share the following...

Way way back in this thread...I revealed over this song here...this theme song...

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iliLnQmaEOA[/ame]

The theme song to 'Family Ties'....

One of my favorite songs ever...I wish I could find a longer version...

But anyhow...the reason why I like it...cause it represents family to me...whether biological or social...it represents people sticking together regardless....

Every episode of this show was based on someone in that 'family' going through something and then over coming...learning...and still loving...
They never walked away from each other just because one was sick, or made a mistake or succeeded....

They never said 'good luck'...and then walked away...

Instead they stuck it out...infact walking away was never an option...

Nor is it with me....

I may be wierd and zaney and colorful on the inside, and all that...but I don't walk away, or judge, those who are in my family...whether biological or social....

They can do whatever...but I'll always be the same, in that regard....

If I'm struggling with issues right now...why should others be offended by that?

That would be like me being offended cause someone else had cancer....

I'm not a fast food mf....

I'm long term...and I stick it out till the end...even if I'm crawling...I stick it out...through the good and bad...

Yes...I may be conflicted on the inside right now...but that doesn't mean i'm mad at anyone...

So I don't understand why others would be mad at me??

Like I've said many times in the past...people will learn more about themselves in or from this thread, than they'll ever learn about me...

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iliLnQmaEOA[/ame]

 

I know...and I love ya for it....now lets dance...

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXNTRnKOYyM[/ame]

...............................................................................................................................

(I actually heard this bumper music on the Shawn hannity show and thought it was cool)

 

I'm like that little puppy dog...you see about to cross a busy intersection, road or freeway....
And you so badly want to intervene...and tell the puppy to 'stop!, don't cross that busy intersection or else'....

You sense impending doom....and when it happens...what can ya say...at least ya tried....

And for that I love ya....

In the mean time...dance with this fool...that would be me....let's just dance and forget it all for a moment....

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXNTRnKOYyM[/ame]

....................................................................................................
And to my general audience...I'm not some pop commercial flake....(I know things...I see things...I'm not normal...I'm a ghost)
I get, got, my training elsewhere...

And just like in Nam or Iraq or Afganistan...or the streets of LA...you never leave anyone behind....never....

And that's why I'll alway be here for U4EA, Bumpy and Zeb....they have nothing else to proove...their human just like me...well...I'm kind of a ghost...with certain insight...(but that's another tale for another post)....

And I'm here for them till the end...regardless....even if they make me mad at times...

now lets dance...and celebrate today....




(most people are braindead predictable mortals to me)(only the gifted come here)