Trucking can be like a bad marriage...

Admitedly I'm bored right now...listening to NBA finals on the radio, with fan blowing...



while sitting in the dark...

I feel very 'ordinary' right now...less than ordinary...

When I was younger, it was always my fear that my life would turn out ordinary, or even less than ordinary...

Cause then it's like what's next...should I go out and buy a croque set?...and start playing with Mr Hoblestone and his VA buddies?



Oh the ordinariness of it all...

And then I've gotta interact with more ordinary folks all day...some young, some old...and pretend I'm excited about possibly working an ordinary mundane job.
Where everyone is 'dense'...and slow...

Should of moved out to Vegas when I had the chance...I need cameras, lights, and action...

with retreats into forested mountainious areas...or the desert, to get away...I need both in intervauls...

But the situation I'm in now...I have neither...just sludge...stuck in a country urban area...or part of town...

I'll look back on this post one day...and either see how wise, or dumb I was...

But for now...I just feel ordinary...

(everytime I write like this, something major usually happens within days...like murphies law or something...we shall see..)

goodnight...

 

Why do I find comfort in dark 'spooky' places like this?
Well for one...I am the 'ghostchildd'....so what do you expect...

No, but for real, beyond the name...I find places, or imagry like this to be very comforting. An escape of sorts, from man...

The house, the relic, the taste of oldness...is not what I fear...It's the evil that dwells
inside of man, that will hurt you...and so anyplace that repels man, to me, is a safe haven.

When I was homeless...the safest places in the world, were the places man did not tread...for humans and animals alike. But as soon as 'man' showed up...your fate and future were uncertain.

People are so uncreative...for instance...If I had the funding, I'd love to build a new house, but with an old 18th century haunted abandoned look...just like they do on the sets of Hollywood movies all the time...

Of course such a home would have to be built away from any 'Home association' neighborhood...like on 2-6 acres of land...

I don't always find comfort in newness...not when it comes to homes anyways...

Anyways...I am the ghostchildd, and I approve this post...

 

I was homeless once...and as I look back on it...I realize it was
a time of great peace and tranquility.
I did have a vehicle at the time, which I slept in...so I wasn't
just out there on the streets...I was but I wasn't...nor did I ever
stay in a shelter...just not my style...cause I interpited my
homelessness differently than others..had I looked at it the
way many around me did, I actually might of gotten depressed.

Becoming homeless is kinda like the process of dying...your so
afraid to let go of all that you know and recognize. All the things
you think makes your life comfortable...
In regards to homelessness...those things would be status,
comfort, a fixed home, 'stuff'...lots and lots of 'stuff'...
(which you later learn just bogs you down)

But like dying...you finally just let go...and like dying...a great peace
and realization comes over you...you finally realize your 'free'...
Free....



All the stuff that was a sorce of anxiedy before, is let go...and soon fades...
And all you have to worry about is yourself, and what's infront of you at that moment, what you can see.
At that point you've let go, and no one else can really bother you anymore...
Not bill collecters, not morgage agencies...no one can threaten to take anything
away from you anymore, cause you have nothing to give them...and once they
realize that, they leave you alone...that in and of itself is a very empowering feeling.

There's different types of homelessness though...

1. Homeless while staying at a city shelter
2. Homeless while employed and or still plugged into society in one form or another
3. Homeless outdoor drifter
4. Homeless as in just living with others until you get your act together

I more or less fit definition 2, in that while homeless I was either working or in school...and did quite well.

Or and let me add..

5. Homeless due to drug or substance abuse/mental illness
6. Homeless with a family to look after
7. Homeless just for recreation...
In other words the young hippie types who come from decent middle class homes, and who just want to rebel...so Jack and Dian runaway and hitch hike across the country attending wierd odd back forest hippie conventions.

Each type of homelessness will give you a different experience and perspective...

I was homeless with a cause and purpose...I managed to stay focus, and to stay away from those whom I knew had no interest in seeing you 'grow'...(or did my best too)(oh the stories I could tell)(Oh some of the worlds I was invited into)...

Anyways...I should make this whole thread into a book...

Back to original point and or theme...and that is being homeless, if done right, can really bring a lot of peace...cause you really have nothing else to loose or hang onto
and it's like starting over.
That's why many choose to remain that way, even while working...cause they're
existing outside, yet next to, the system...and the system looses power over them.

Jobs, employment, money, stuff, prestige, all that stuff goes out the window...



It helps to be homeless with a vehicle, either a small van or RV...
But then your still connected to society...cause you have to pay
insurance, fuel, maintanance, which means you need a sorce of
income, which means a job. So your actually only semi-free..unless
you have a bunch of money saved up.

Anyhow...will continue this on next thread...and discuss some of the perils
of being homeless...

 

Maybe gods trying to show his displeasure with man, when you can't even get a job at McDonalds anymore unless you have a career portfolio...

And maybe these tornadoes are just the first 'wave' of what's to come...

And instead of man, taking a step back, and examining thy self...

Instead it's always, and boldy, and with pride...

'We're man, we're proud and will rebuild'...

Where's the humility in that?

A spanking is no good unless one learns from it...

 

Ok, it's now national news...the tornadoes in Mass...cause I just heard it down here.

It's like Americas being bombed by tornadoes...
I mean of all the bombs we've ever lobbed over anywhere...never in my life, have I seen this kind of destruction...accept during Hirashima Japan and Nogasoki....and or during the carpet bombing of Germany during WWII...
But other than that...I haven't seen this kind of none tsunami destruction since I've been alive...

Mans response needs to be other than..

"Oh, we're man, we will rebuild"...

A self examination needs to take place...
Maybe these great cities and epic centers are being knocked down by nature, for a reason...

Maybe we're polluting gods earth with our 'garbadge', our 'corruption', our 'ways'...

Sad thing is though, most of us at the bottom, aren't the ones who engineered things to be this way...but we will all suffer because of it.

The good and the bad alike, will all be swept up in it.



We spend billions on weapons and cruise missles, which now seem so puney, like firecrackers, next to the destructive force of nature and tornadoes...



I mean no little missle launched from a ship could cause this kind of wide spread carpet destruction...unless it was a hydrogen bomb...

Joplin, above, looks like Nagisaki, after the nuclear attack...
And in one afternoon, nature wipped up the same amount of energy and did the same here...minus the radiation...wow...

And all man can say is 'Oh we will rebuild'...how about a bit of humility from our leaders...

Oh well...we at the bottom just seem to have no say in anything...

 

Welcome!

 

That's the thing about this thread...it's like a variety show...like the legendary 'Carrol Bernett show'...



Variety is what you get here...

Anyways...the scariest part about being homeless is while your sleeping...it's when your the most vunerable.

You learn to sleep light...
And when in a vehicle...after you park...you learn to be motionless and or don't do anything to indicate in any way that someones in the vehicle...
In other words you learn not to bring attention to yourself...your survival or well being depends on it...

When I was homeless while living in my vehicle...the biggest disruptions I had to avoid were cops and robbers....sounds like a pun...but it's true...

Cops, or the Police...only and usually respond to calls...in other words...you park your vehicle, someone sees it, get's suspicious, and they call the cops...

And or, if street wise vampires realize your in your vehicle alone...they will capitolize on your helplessness...
None the less...it can be unnerving being awakend by someone pounding on your vehicle at night...

If its the cops, they'll usually have bright spot lights shinning all over you...



And if they're somewhat aggresive or super suspicious of you...remember, their simply responding to what 911 dispatch told them, which is based on the initial caller...and callers exagerate in order to get the police to respond...

Someone calling 911, to report a suspicious vehicle, can tell dispatch..

'Hey, I think a drug dealer is parked in our n-hood...and might be armed'...

So the cops respond to the information they've been given...and are extra cautious...try not to take it personal...

Just be co-operative and do what they say...and after they run your licence...they'll figure it out...

Me, myself and I...I'm totally clean...and so they figured it out everytime...

Clean clean clean...wierd, sometimes wacky...but clean...

But if your dirty...forget about it...

Anyways...finding a peaceful place to sleep at night can be your most difficult challenge when homeless...



Cops aside...you also have to deal with other homeless people who are like cats, in that they stake out their own territory...and if your in their territory...they get curious and intrusive...
There's a whole hierchy underworld matrix that exists...

You gotta be careful...but after a while it becomes a fun challenge...and when you make it through the night...it's marked as a victory...

When your homeless...small things become big...living or surviving through the night becomes something to celebrate...

Also, just because your homeless, doesn't mean you have to become a dirty slob...those people I tried to avoid...winos, drug addicts ect ect...

And other sick things I can't discuss here...

Anyways...life is good and what you make of it...later..

To be continued....