Trucking can be like a bad marriage...

Can I please have my 'man' card now...

Oh, my aching hands, my aching feet, my back...my legs...

A bit wore out...back soon...

 

Today when I left my place...I went to corner store...
My mood was here and there...trying to get stuff together...feeling bottomed out at the time...

As I'm walking inside, some beggar gives me the usual speel....



Excuse me, can you help a blah blah blah out?

I snapped and said 'no!, I've got my own issues debts and bills, how can I take care of myself if I'm always giving my spare change out!'...

I was surprised at my reaction, and almost changed my mind, until I saw beggar emotionalessly ask someone else for spare change...

Fast forward...

Later on that same trip, I'm inside a store at register...well intentioned lady tries to buy some food, doesn't have enough on card...and I was more than happy to 'take care of it'...

I could relate to the humiliation of not having enough money while at the register...so I saved the custimor that disgrace by buying their stuff for them...

They were thankful and I just told them to have a good day...

In the first incident where I had a chance to give, I did not, and felt like I was being condescended to...bothered, used soley for resorces beggar thought I had...

In the second incident, I was more than happy to offer financial assistance to custimor who did not try to 'use' me, nor expect it...

I usually end up bailing out at least 10 people a year like that...

It's not much...usually between 2-20 dollars...but it feels so good to be that hero for a quick moment...
Then they leave, I leave, and we never see each other ever again...

When I help, I do it with no strings attached...

 

Hi, I had a quirky accident earlier this afternoon...as such I'm in a bit of discomfort, emotionally and physically...

But I'm tough...and as I lay on the couch, I kept thinking about what I wanted to write...and it won't go away or stop until I write it...or something similar...that's just how the mind of a writer or artist or musician works, you can't rest until you get it out...

I don't really care if people read this or not, that's why I'm using this font style...

The accident this evening, altered my mood a bit...made me think...

When I stood there in pain...and near disbelief...a lot went through my mind, which effected my emotions...my reality, and my very existence...and even 'gods' love or hate towards my person...



I felt very small and unimportant in the over all scheme of things...
And I suppose, had it been a life threatening accident...I would of just laid there and past...
But it wasn't...painful, but not life threatening...

When I was younger, It was always indicated to me that I had no self worth or value at all...(not by everyone, just a few that mattered)...

But it effects you none the less...and I, like certain others, have gone through much of life with that notion...even to the point that if your dying, or think you are, you'd rather just die than get help...cause it 'would be easier' emotionally to do so, than to go to emergency room and have your worst fears come true that people really indeed don't care about you...
So you'd rather just die in peace, than be treated like a piece of............

A lot of the older generation are like that to...where they come from hardy homes, rough and tough blue collar dads from the 30's, 40's and or 50's...before it was OK to love and hug your sons or daughters...

And where kids were often made to feel like a burden rather than a joy...

Back when it was OK to physically and or verbally abuse your kids...
Well what happens when those kids or offspring grow up?
And start families of there own...do they end the nonsense or continue it?
Anyways I'm getting sidetracked here...

I had an accident this late afternoon...very painful...if I had gone to the ER...it would of been appropriate...



but opted not to...cause I didn't seem 'Important enough' to do so...even if I was bleeding to death...I still would not have gone...or attempted to...

I just did not feel like I mattered enough to waste their time, anyones time...

On the other hand though...had it been someone else...I would of broke down a brick wall to get them help, so that they would never ever ever, doubt their self worth...

In other words I'm more concerned about other peoples self worth, than my own...
There's certain things I never want people to feel...and one of those is unloved...never...

It's not a place I would wish anyone to go...

But it's a place many of us on the bottom have been sent to, for various reasons...

Heck, even Christians are selective over whom they choose to reach out to...amazing...

Anyways...I told god, if he did not like me, and was trying to hurt or kill me, could he not try harder the next time...
It was one of those Lt Dan moments from Forest Gump...



Where he's up there challenging his maker to 'Bring it on'...

And then you realize later that if it was 'God' bringing it on, you would have been gone, for God does nothing half way...

And so this is where your own personal belief system will cause you to break situation down differently...

But mine, made me connect it either to God or the Devil...and or Evil where I dwell...it won't make sense unless your read this...

http://underworldrealities.webs.com/apps/blog/

And even then it might not make sense...but to the spiritually keen, it might...
You have to be able to step out of 'self', in order to better understand the world or concepts around you...some can do that, others cannot...



OK, and finally to wrap this up...
Sometimes I'm not sure who God is...could be your brother, your son or your best friend...

And likewise...at times not sure who Satan is, could be your wife, your cousin, or your sister...I mean who knows...

Still in pain...not sure what writing this accomplished...other than now I can lay down without all these thoughts buzzing through my head...

Oh ye, I guess there's suppose to be a happy ending here...I'm suppose to have pointed out some positive theme to the whole ordeal...

Ok,I guess it could of been worse?...Is that a happy ending?

I just want to be free...goodnight all...and be glad your loved, and have a sense of self worth...even if your 'evil'...and hurt others, for selfish greedy reasons...

Be glad you have never been to the spot I have...later..

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zALWHBkRhsk[/ame]

 

Relax U4EA and Bumpy...

Not going anywhere...just got kind of a head ache...

I'll check in tomorrow for my traditional Saturday morning, or day greeting...
Goodnight...

 

Helloooo from Texas!!....



What happened a few evenings ago was depressing...and I'm still feeling the residue of it...but in the mean time...I drive...and I drive like a ghost...

And now this ghost is in Texas...about 60 miles west of Houston...

I've been wanting to get out this way for years...and 3 days ago I had no idea I'd be headed this way...
But it's like a medicine, and I need it right now, badly...I need to get away from some stuff...

I love this open prairie terrain, which I'll have photos of soon...
One thing that hasn't changed, and that is the filth of some restrooms...I almost took a photo...but said 'nah'...
And there's other observations I've made that I'll go into deeper...in a later post...
But for now...just wanted to check in real quick...once I get west of San Antonio...like out in the desert, phone signal as well as internet signal will get weak to non existant for a while...

I'll post a quick photo on my comedy thread here in a few minutes...

http://www.thetruckersreport.com/tr...stead-crying-may-well-laugh-ghostchildds.html

Later...

 

Hello, I was a stones throw away from Mexico today...I was going to have fun with this photo, but it came out so beautifully, that I decieded not to....kind of has a clean crisp post-card look to it.(view from I-10)

This city is located just south of El Paso, Texas...and if you look towards the bottom, you can see the fence that divides the nations...

I wish I could of gotten a better shot of the homes...there like cement, or brick or mortar...
Oh well, I'll get a better shot next time...
Anyways...just thought I'd stop in real quick...

 

Hello...topped 24,000 today...cool...
No one ever guessed this thread would still be around...

Heck, not even myself...

Long long day, really building a library of photos...gotta figure out what to do with them...

Will create a thread titled: Journey across America with a driver, through photography...
It will be my version of Time/Life photography...

I'll probably create it on several forums...and photo sharing sites, and maybe even send some into magazines...ya never know...

Reporters can't be everywhere, and don't cover nearly the ground or distance drivers do...just gotta keep your eyes open for the special shots...

Anyways...need to retire...
Back soon...

 

Don't have long...

But just want to say, from first hand account...the south west...at least from El Paso on West...has been 'Mexicanized'...

It's like all the European American families have fled, or just moved away...cause I haven't seen any in over 800 miles...all stores, cashiers (at least the ones I've been too), fuel stops, ect ect, employees are of Mexican or latin decent...

Whether white, black or brown...it's like they're all of Mexican decent or speak the language...

You don't hve to go to Mexico anymore to experience the culture...it's right here in the SW now...anywhere south of I-10, and your pretty much in Mexico, as far as culture and language...

I guess I better start learning...
Anyhow...got more driving to do...will be in Los Angelos tomorrow...

 

Desert driving...



It's nice to get back out in the open sky territory...it does something to the soul...
Like a reset button or something...

I've very crunched for time, so I can't indulge like I normally would...
Just thought I'd share this photo I took yesterday...
And I started a trucking school...(ye right) on my web page...to share real time
lessons of the road...

http://underworldrealities.webs.com...w/5455526-underworld-reality-trucking-school-

Haven't had time to promote it yet...haven't had time to do much of anything lately...cause I've been hammering down...
I'll get caught up soon...later...