Unique position in life

Yes, that's the point I have been trying to make. What would I say, other than that? I have nothing else to say, do I?

And yes, it has crossed my mind that I might have to do something more local like a cement truck, as a "foot in the door" job.

Maybe I'm not explaining myself well. I function well if I am given instructions and then left to do them, without direct oversight. Basically, exactly what you just described. In my head, that's exactly what "“left to do it” means. Nobody is looking over my shoulder, breathing down my neck "have you done it yet?". I mean.....yeaaah that's technically how the scheduling you described functions, but it's not a physical person in my face, literally looking over my shoulder, breathing down my neck.

Lets put it this way. If I'm given X hours to do something and told to do it. Fine, I'll push myself to do it within that time. If you add in a physical person in the same room coming over to bug me every 15 minutes, checking on me: "are you doing it, are you doing it, are you doing it?" the pressure and stress would spike for me. I'd be like "Just let me do my job during the the allocated time. You're wasting my time, making me stop to talk to you. Yes, i see the clock ticking down. Leave me alone." No I wouldn't say it, but I'd be thinking it and biting my tongue

A comical, over the top depiction of what I'm describing:



Yes, I don't exactly have a history of working in ANY job at all, much less one like with high pressure timelines, but I'm pretty sure I know myself better than anyone else, when it comes to how I deal with those kinds of situations. It's hard to put one's personal brain functions, strengths and weaknesses at such a deep level into mere text for others to read, especially when people in general like to make their own assumptions about what someone is saying about any given topic, with their own biases woven in.

I had to drive across a large portion of the south last year in late August in my van without any A/C in 100 degree humid temperatures with only 12v fans, because my mom got sick and my brother was stressing out from dealing with her. He was getting some rest by the time I was on my way from Utah, since she got put in skilled nursing for 3 weeks, but still. Oh and on top of that, I had recently put a transmission temp gauge on the e4od and found it not being cooling as well as it should. I was limping on back highways doing 45mph in 2nd gear at times, trying to control the temperature to keep it from cooking itself. I've since put a proper cooler. A past owner had the ac condenser plumbed as a transmission cooler and no gauge to see how it was doing. I stayed in an old roadside motel one night because it got too much for me and my dog. After that the next day, i hauled butt and got to my destination. Everywhere else was a casino in Arizona (just east of Flagstaff) with an RV area, rest areas, etc.

My point is, it's not like I haven't had to haul butt across the country, trying to get somewhere ASAP, despite personal discomfort. The drive and pressure wasn't THAT bad. Well it was kinda bad when the temperatures were rising because I didn't want to break my transmission, but it's not like I felt the need to stop and curl up into a ball and cry about it. I'm strong willed in that respect. I did what I had to do to keep rolling and got myself back here to do massive cleaning of the house, 98% all by myself. My brother came by once or twice after work, which I don't fault him for, he has his own responsibilities. He already ran himself ragged dealing with her for a couple weeks, before she finally got put in skilled nursing where she needed to be, in order to recover properly.

 

Hm, that is interesting, but that's a smartphone based gig job. Probably not a reliable source of income. And how would that even work? How do you get to the vehicle to pick it up, and what do you do when you get to where you take it? Maybe if you live in a huge metro (I do not) where you can hop on a bus to move around between gigs for minimal cost.

And I can't have my dog with that. She's been with me 8 years so far. If i'm having to go long distances, she has to be able to come with me. Yes, I know she wouldn't during OTR training/mentoring but that's a short term, 1 month issue, she can stay with my mom. she's zero maintenance except feeding, petting, and being let in/out of the fenced back yard.

It's like I keep saying, stress is relative, and I'll also add that it's subjective which is what I was trying to say earlier. The stress of a trucker is different from the stress of a public school teacher, a firefighter, or a surgeon. Someone may very be suited for one, but not the others. My brother went into law enforcement. A stressful job for sure, but I don't know that he'd be a good trucker. Plus he's not mechanically inclined, like I am. That's a skill you need in trucking for certain job skills. I'll get elbow deep in grease to fix stuff. Him? Less so.

Yeah, I have thought about auto mechanics but that takes a year just to get a certificate, or 2 to get a degree. Expensive too. And they require you to take a bunch of regular college courses on top of it all. Me and math don't get along, beyond a certain point. I'd fail just based being forced into taking college level math. And auto mechanics is borderline retail, dealing directly with customers and a manager all day long. I think I've made my view about me doing retail abundantly clear.

 

I won't know if I don't try. Maybe try OTC stress relief herbs from the Walmart vitamin section or something haha. I may pick some up this week just to try in general. My mom is so maddening to deal with, it's a good test for the herbs. It's not just me, my "normal" brother gets as frustrated as I do with her as I do. He just handles his frustration a bit better than me.