Why Swift gotta watch me piss?

If they are going to watch I'd never get it done, my body doesn't like an audience. Last one I did was horrible.

Make the appointment for morning I tell the CO. which they did be there at 0930 they tell me and I'm thinking PERFECT don't pee before bed or before appointment all should be good.
Wake up and need to pee but don't instead I grab 2 bottles of water a drive 30 minutes to Walla Walla, check in get sent to the back thinking this is great because I'm about to explode. Well it wasn't great because the last thing that happened as I'm walking in bathroom, undoing my pants as I go, is she sets an F'n timer so now my body WONT FRIGGING PEE BECAUSE WERE PLAYING RACE THE FRIGGING CLOCK. I try, it doesn't happen, go to the waiting room drink more water repeat, again doesn't happen. This goes on until about 1500 when we are starting to think about another appointment. Around 1515 it finally get to the point it won't wait any longer, let the nurse know she says the bathroom is open so I said open the cup please I don't have time grab it from her on the way by and finally manage to piss listening to tik, tik, tik. and get to leave. As I'm leaving the reception desk gal says "it's usually best if you don't go before you get here" . My response NO ####, THATS THE FIRST TIME IVE PISSED SINCE 2000 LAST NIGHT, she say wow what's the longest you've gone before I said 14 hrs but we just made a new record. So I leave ther and head home, 30 minutes remember, STOP AND PISS 5 F'N TIMES. Hope I never have a situation where they watch.

 

I take a vitamin B complex every morning when I wake up. My 1st pee comes out highlighter safety vest yellow. The look on their face is priceless.

 

Never been in the military then?. Stand 3 feet behind urinal and piss on command. Good times

 

We had so many "randoms", it wasn't even random anymore. And there was always a meat-gazer.

 

I've taken my fair share of random and pre employments and have never had anyone stand and watch me. The usual empty your pockets and maybe pull up your shirt to make sure your not hiding anything.

 

Direct observation went away several years ago, can't remember exactly when but think around 2008, except for the return to duty process or if the collection facility or MRO has reason to believe the donor is producing an adulterated sample. Say a temperature out of range, funny color or smell, etc could be perceived as an attempt to tamper with the sample and result in a D.O. collection.

Outside those few reasons a DOT test is prohibited from being direct observation.

Non-regulated tests such as workplace safety drug screen (non-DOT) may still be direct observation if that is the company's policy.

Now for those of you that say you never had a D.O. test be thankful. I began as a school bus driver in 92 and Pennsylvania was requiring direct observation tests for pre-employment and random plus the collector did not have to be the same gender as the donor as they do now. We had a manager that loved to collect samples from the female bus drivers, later on he was fired for harassment after bring promoted to Director of Transportation for the school district. Imagine being a lady and having to pee in front of a weasel like that.

 

This is covered by 40.67(g)

(g) As the collector, you must ensure that the observer is the same gender as the employee. You must never permit an opposite gender person to act as the observer. The observer can be a different person from the collector and need not be a qualified collector.

 

By custom I am sure, but I see nothing that says 40.67(j) has been changed! It's not a big thing though because people generally are/were not following it anyway.

 

What's left of my mind is not working at 100% today. This is also not the first time I misquoted 40.67. Please forget both my comments in this thread.

Full text of 40.67

Spoiler

§40.67 When and how is a directly observed collection conducted?
(a) As an employer, you must direct an immediate collection under direct observation with no advance notice to the employee, if:

(1) The laboratory reported to the MRO that a specimen is invalid, and the MRO reported to you that there was not an adequate medical explanation for the result;

(2) The MRO reported to you that the original positive, adulterated, or substituted result had to be cancelled because the test of the split specimen could not be performed; or

(3) The laboratory reported to the MRO that the specimen was negative-dilute with a creatinine concentration greater than or equal to 2 mg/dL but less than or equal to 5 mg/dL, and the MRO reported the specimen to you as negative-dilute and that a second collection must take place under direct observation (see §40.197(b)(1)).

(b) As an employer, you must direct a collection under direct observation of an employee if the drug test is a return-to-duty test or a follow-up test.

(c) As a collector, you must immediately conduct a collection under direct observation if:

(1) You are directed by the DER to do so (see paragraphs (a) and (b) of this section); or

(2) You observed materials brought to the collection site or the employee's conduct clearly indicates an attempt to tamper with a specimen (see §§40.61(f)(5)(i) and 40.63(e)); or

(3) The temperature on the original specimen was out of range (see §40.65(b)(5)); or (4) The original specimen appeared to have been tampered with (see §40.65(c)(1)).

(d)(1) As the employer, you must explain to the employee the reason for a directly observed collection under paragraph (a) or (b) of this section.

(2) As the collector, you must explain to the employee the reason, if known, under this part for a directly observed collection under paragraphs (c)(1) through (3) of this section.

(e) As the collector, you must complete a new CCF for the directly observed collection.

(1) You must mark the “reason for test” block (Step 1) the same as for the first collection.

(2) You must check the “Observed, (Enter Remark)” box and enter the reason (see §40.67(b)) in the “Remarks” line (Step 2).

(f) In a case where two sets of specimens are being sent to the laboratory because of suspected tampering with the specimen at the collection site, enter on the “Remarks” line of the CCF (Step 2) for each specimen a notation to this effect (e.g., collection 1 of 2, or 2 of 2) and the specimen ID number of the other specimen.

(g) As the collector, you must ensure that the observer is the same gender as the employee. You must never permit an opposite gender person to act as the observer. The observer can be a different person from the collector and need not be a qualified collector.

(h) As the collector, if someone else is to observe the collection (e.g., in order to ensure a same gender observer), you must verbally instruct that person to follow procedures at paragraphs (i) and (j) of this section. If you, the collector, are the observer, you too must follow these procedures.

(i) As the observer, you must request the employee to raise his or her shirt, blouse, or dress/skirt, as appropriate, above the waist; and lower clothing and underpants to show you, by turning around, that they do not have a prosthetic device. After you have determined that the employee does not have such a device, you may permit the employee to return clothing to its proper position for observed urination.

(j) As the observer, you must watch the employee urinate into the collection container. Specifically, you are to watch the urine go from the employee's body into the collection container.

(k) As the observer but not the collector, you must not take the collection container from the employee, but you must observe the specimen as the employee takes it to the collector.

(l) As the collector, when someone else has acted as the observer, you must include the observer's name in the “Remarks” line of the CCF (Step 2).

(m) As the employee, if you decline to allow a directly observed collection required or permitted under this section to occur, this is a refusal to test.

(n) As a service agent, when you learn that a directly observed collection should have been collected but was not, you must inform the employer that it must direct the employee to have an immediate recollection under direct observation.